Mario

This article is filed under Characters.

Mario is a notorious character who stars in many great games, as well as Hotel Mario. He is usually seen with his brother, Luigi, who has been known to have multiple personalities, and Princess Peach, who bakes him cakes and gets kidnapped every time she steps out of her castle. Mario likes to claim things are "good" at times, and has claimed himself to be the master of UCTIONS, a known power supply to the universe.

Mario has had several conflicts with his brother, arguing where the princess is, over Luigi's craftsmanship, saying that "he didn't make it", and an argument over a record.

Mario has an obsession with saying NO very dramatically, talking about instruction books, the Coney Island Disco Palace (which was condemned in 2009 and torn down in 2010), humping vines, and riding Yoshi on certain occasions like Cave Christmas, and when he's too lazy to walk. He also seems to know the location of fires by locating smoke, and pinching currency in his spare time.

Mario is also the creator of the Cave Christmas holiday, which he endorses by dressing up as Santa Mario.

Mario had also met the cowboy known as Tex Avery, the two of them had a partnership in Youtube Poop.

Mario once literally shat his way to being a sign for the YouChewPoop forums.

He is not to be confused with Fat Mario, Mario's fat stunt double in Hotel Mario or the deceased Real Mario, his wrestling counterpart.

He is revealed to be of the homo nintendonus descendants of creatures.

Life

Mario was born in the year 1951 to 2 unknown parents, along with his brother, Luigi. As they were arriving at their parents' house, the stork carrying them was attacked by A koopa wizard and a Magnum Bill. His brother, Luigi, was captured by this Koopa wizard, whereas Mario was dropped, to fall upon Yoshi, who, with the help of his friends, rescued the stork and Luigi, and they were brought to their parents.

In 1953, Mario and Luigi, in a sort of paradox, somehow met their future selves from 200X, helping them bring down the Shroobs. In 1954, concerned with the danger that they faced, his parents moved from the Mushroom Kingdom to Brooklyn, New York.

By 1981, Mario would eventually have a job as a carpenter and a pet ape, which would turn on him and steal his girlfriend of the time, Pauline. The next year, Mario would try killing Donkey Kong, which was foiled by Donkey Kong's son.

By 1983, Mario would quit his job as a Carpenter to become a Plumber. In 1985, Mario and his brother, Luigi, would discover an entrance to the Mushroom Kingdom, which they would also discover had been invaded by King Koopa/Bowser. Eventually, Mario and Luigi would defeat him by chopping his bridge down twice, making him fall in to boiling lava.

In 1987, Mario would end-up having a dream invaded by a frog and his minions, though eventually this frog would be killed after being choked with vegetables. Also in 1987, Mario would guest referee in fights of the WVBA, overseeing such bouts as Little Mac vs. Mike Tyson.

In 1988, Bowser would invade 7 other kingdoms, this time with Airships and the help of his children. He would also capture Princess Toadstool for unknown reasons. Mario and Luigi would eventually, though, defeat all of his children, as well as Bowser himself, freeing these kingdoms, and rescuing Princess Toadstool again.

In 1989, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Toadstool took a vacation to Dinosaur Land, where Bowser captured the Princess yet again. While in the process of rescuing her, Mario and Luigi met Yoshi again after 38 years. They eventually rescued the Princess, but unfortunately, Luigi made contact with Anti-Uctions, turning him in to the monster Mama Luigi. Eventually, this menace would use pirated magic on Yoshi to brainwash him, which failed. Later, Mario would testify against Mama Luigi in a lawsuit from Wizardheimer.

Later that year, Mario and his friends (as well as Bowser and a Koopa Troopa) would establish the Mario Kart Grand Prix, with tracks around the world in 5 different cups. In addition, Mario bought his own island.

In 1990, with an epidemic plaguing the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario would become Dr. Mario, so that he could fight the epidemic.

In 1992, the island that he had bought earlier was taken over by the greedy Wario, though Mario would eventually take his island back and defeat Wario.

In 1993, He and Yoshi were given a Super Scope and ordered by Princess Toadstool Princess Peach to rescue Jewelery Land, which they did.

In 1996, Mario was invited to Princess "Peach" Toadstool's castle for some cake, though unfortunately, it was actually Bowser, who had taken over the castle and captured the Princess yet again. After collecting 8 Power Stars, he went and fought Bowser, then went to collect more Power Stars, then fought Bowser again. After collecting the rest of the Power Stars, Mario fought Bowser one final time. After defeating him, Mario rescued the Princess, who finally gave him his promised cake.

Later that year, the Mario Kart Grand Prix was overhauled with new tracks in other parts of the world, with one even in Johto (Moo Moo Farm). This time, Koopa Troopa did not return, and Donkey Kong Jr. had grown up. Wario, though, was finally invited to race.

In 2001, Mario would be captured by King Boo, to be liberated by Luigi and a vacuum cleaner.

In 2002, Princess Peach was captured by the retarded 8th child of Bowser: Bowser Jr., who had claimed that he was his mother, while they were on vacation to Isle Delfino. He would also graffiti the whole island, and would frame Mario himself for the graffiti. Unfortunately, since neither any good lawyers, nor even any intelligent people reside on the island, Mario was ruled guilty by the judge. However, Mario would eventually defeat Bowser Jr. and prove himself innocent of the crimes.

In 2003, the Mario Kart Grand Prix was overhauled a second time, only with new 2-person karts, as well as new characters added. Later, in 2005, the Mario Kart Grand Prix was overhauled yet again, this time with old tracks reinstated in new cups, and the elimination of 2 person karts.

In 2007, when visiting the Princess on a special occasion, Bowser, using his Doomships, lifted the whole of the castle in to space. Eventually, Bowser's new galaxy was destroyed, creating a black hole, which was stopped by the Lumas, which sacrificed themselves. Three years later, Bowser went and used Rosalina's star powers to grow into sizes that he never experienced before, which made him want to repeat his plans once again. Of course, Bowser never learns the lesson that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, as Mario ended up defeating him once again. Bowser got sucked in a new black hole, Rosalina got her ship around, and the Luma from Super Mario Galaxy 2 ended up returning to his mom.

In 2013, Mario grew a paraphilia for cats, he and his friends, were wondering in the fields near the Castle when they found a "broken", clear pipe. Mario and his brother, Luigi, fix the pipe only to find a Sprixie. Too bad for her, she gets kidnapped by you-know-who, and taken into the Sprixie Kingdom. Mario has to set out on an adventure in Super Mario 3D World, a game for furfaggots only.

Likes

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Whale Mario

Mario in the rare form called Homestar Mario.

Mario's new golden trophy.

• Uctions
• Lotsa Spaghetti
• The Princess
• Luigi
• Yoshi
• His Catholic faith
• Cave Christmas
• American Football, Association Football, and Baseball.
• Promoting positive traits (Such as Goodness, Truthfulness, Honesty, Giantness, and Ninjaness.).
• Telling Luigi that he's home.
• Mushrooms
• His favorite record (What his favorite record is, we'll never know.).
• Toasters that toast toast.
• Koopameat
• Jesus Christ
• The Pasta Pit-Stop
• Wrestling
• Racing in the F-Zero Grand Prix and the Mario Grand Prix.

Dislikes

• Bowser/King Koopa
• Mama Luigi, which is strange since he helped him and also his brother (In his real form that is.).

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Here's a common artist's wrong intrepretation of what Mario's like when he finds a mushroom.

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Mario after eating the wrong mushroom. Or what you would see if you ate the wrong one.

Bowser Jr. has invaded Mario's page!

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Mario riding on an inflated light blue Yoshi.

• Oogtar
• Wario
• Waluigi
• Bowser's children
• Goombas, Koopa Troopas, and Dry Bones
• Wizardheimer
• Anti-Uctions
• Bob-Ombs
• Eggs
• Getting his ribs broken by a tossed stone football.
  • Stone Luigi (For that reason.)
• Luigi's Greek Orthodox Faith
• Croco (For taking his toast.)
• Yogi Bear (Because his shitty spin-off Yo Yogi! caused NBC to stop running cartoons and, as a result, brought a quick end to his animated series.)
• Sonic the Hedgehog
• Being framed by Bowser Jr./Shadow Mario.
• People who think that Shadow Mario is indeed a form of Mario.

Quotes

Mario It's-a me, Mario!

Mario Heh Heh, that's-a going online.

Mario You didn't tell me that you had a secret weapon Luigi.

Mario It's a stone Luigi. You didn't make it.

Mario Luigi, King Koopa's locked the Princess in his Coney Island Disco Palace; I've fought my way out, and I've been looking for you ever since. We've gotta go back and rescue her!

Mario had a cameo appearance in the second Ouendan! game.

Looks like Kirby's got some competition in these parts. In other unrelated news, Mario loves listening to some mushroomhead.

Some say this picture was the reason why Mario went to outer space without a spacesuit... twice.

Mario Ugh, now I know how a meatball feels.

Mario And there's this nice guy named Santa Claus, who brings presents to all the kids, who've been good.

Mario You know what dey say - all Koopas scoop koop!

Mario SUPER BONERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mario NO! Suck my big, fat meatballs!!

Mario Maybe we'll see you on "PBS"!

Mario Let's-a go!

Mario Mamma mia!

Mario The store, she's-a so rich... she'll-a never notice!

Mario Hey, Robotnik! Do you want to play DOOM?

Mario Hey!! What's-a taking so long? I got to go to Jamaica!!

Mario This looks intentional. Not yet!

Mario If you can't beat them, join them...THEN BEAT THEM! THEN JOIN THEM!

Mario SO LONG, GAY BOWSA!

Facts

• I AINT GOT NO MARIOS TO SPEND!
• Throughout Super Mario World (Mainly Rock TV) Mario keeps making annoying 'huh-huh' noises before sentences. This is from being constantly slobbered by Yoshi.
• Mario loves reading letters and phone bills.
• Mario is obsessed with organization and teamwork. See IT'S A STONE, LUIGI.
• Wants to destroy Mama Luigi's army, which is impossible.
• Used to wrestle back in Brooklyn, along with Luigi. Because of this, he and Luigi were able to win a tag-team wrestling tournament against King Koopa's wrestlers, and win Toad a new bag of money for an orphanage (even though the other bag was never stolen).
• May have once transformed into Good Truthful Honest Totally Depraved Evil Insidious Giant Ninja Mario.
• Has once killed Brock Samson by stomping on his head with a big boot.
• Likes to yell "NO, STOP!!!!"
• He apparently appeared in The Simpsons Game for a little bit (he also stole Gay Luigi's "Lotsa Spaghetti" line!).
• The only thing that he is scared of is Makoto Kino since she wants to date him and that makes him emo.
• Has never been beaten up by Sonic... well, until Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
• He, along with Yoshi, could be found in a cameo appearance for Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes.
• Enjoys telling only good kids to be good.
• Believes it would be nice if every day was Christmas.

Mario's not only a metalhead, but he's also a rapper. Now that's multi-tasking!

• One time, he, along with Luigi once wrestled against some dinosaurs.
• Does not want to see Leo's baby pictures (although Leo thinks otherwise).
• His own feet actually made it into Screwattack's little ol' Armory.
• Mario pretends to be a selfless hero, but in reality he only saves the Princess so he can get laid.
• Discovered a taste sensation called Koopameat, which Bowser tried to counter with Scoopa Koopa's.
• Is the inventor of the Dino-Copter and Tossed Salad.
• Was a referee in the NES' version of Punch-Out!!
• He was once complimented on his hair by Don Flamenco.
• He hates the fact that in some parts of Mexico and South America, a fighter named Terry Bogard is more popular than he is.
• If you were in Club Nintendo of 2009 & you had a platinum status, you could choose to either get a code on November 1st to download Doc Louis' Punch-Out!! game on the Nintendo Wii's Wiiware or get a (good) replica of Mario's hat. Mario would automatically approve of you if you chose his hat over Doc Louis' Punch-Out!! game!!!
• Mario thinks it's a sad day when everyone's nice to each other.
• He also believes that Santa Mario's going to be an absurdity of St. Louis.
• It's nice for him to think that there really is a word named "Christmas".
• However, it's weird that he thinks that kids should get lots of trees.
• He has a micropenis that could get Super Boners.

Forms

Mario, much like his brother Luigi, is a unique character. As through a series of random events, many duplicate versions of Mario (which will be referred to from here on out as 'forms') have been created.

During the events of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show, Mario teleported back to Brooklyn but goofed up to form Luigi Mario and another time caused it to reappear. Only that time, it happened to Luigi. That form has three different versions of it.

One time, Mario went to King Koopa's palace and he somehow became Good Truthful Honest Totally Depraved Evil Insidious Giant Ninja Mario. Some say that he's just a rumor, but the only one who truly saw was King Koopa... and he's now dead!

After Mario traveled through time in Mario's Time Machine, Mario ended up gaining a few extra pounds. Little did he know, he would become Gay Luigi's butt-buddy named Fat Mario. During a vacation that he was on, he ended up being called a retard by the public. This led him to end up being a new form called Retard Mario. One time when he was traveling to the Mushroom Kingdom yet again, he ended up getting his head chopped off by some demon. That ended up getting his head chopped off with an axe. That ended up making him the evil form called Mario Head.

During a day in August on Dinosaur World, he wanted to teach the Cave People all about the niceness that is Christmas. Unfortunately, they didn't know about it, so he ended grabbing Yoshi as a reindeer and a sex slave and ended up being Santa Mario, which always arrives on time during Cave Christmas.

One day, Mario ended up watching too many shows like Scrubs, E.R., and House. This made him think he's a doctor, thus forming Dr. Mario, who can also sing.

When Weegee was popular at the tiem, he made people his minions. However, he also had a father named Fortran and a brothe named Malleo. Those two are both forms of Mario and they're evil.

Despite having many different main forms, Mario is pretty much dressed the same way for most of his forms. Skin tone and hair color may vary throughout. Voice may vary as well.

Known Forms of Mario

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Fat Mario, reading about his other forms on the Chewiki.

• Whale Mario - A form that denies being related to the other forms.
• Good Truthful Honest Totally Depraved Evil Insidious Giant Ninja Mario - A form of Mario that's obviously a giant ninja. However, he's conflicted on being perfectly good and perfectly evil.
• 1 Eyed Orange Mario - A form of Mario that has been rumored to be created by some evil Satanic ritual.
• Fat Mario - Gay Luigi's butt buddy on the journey to defeat the mighty toasters and save the Princess from Bowser.
• Retard Mario - The weakest of the main Mario forms, Retard Mario's only special attribute is that he is easily confused by dicks.
• Mario Head - Was created when a demon cut off Game Mario's head with an axe. He now exacts revenge on humans by making them fly for you... in to Mario's Tunnel of-a Doom!
• Paper Mario - A paper form of Mario. Yep.
• Dr. Mario - Becomes that when Mario watches too much House, Scrubs, E.R., and other shows like that. Is unique due to the fact that he also appeared in Super Smash Bros. Melee, which meant that Dr. Mario could fight Mario whenever he wanted to. Wow.
• Paper Dr. Mario - A form of Dr. Mario that met Paper Mario one day. Don't ask.
• Game Mario - Not Mario.
• Fortran - Also not Mario... at all.
• Mari - A form where Mario fights like he's in Street Fighter II.
• Somari - A fucked-up fusion between Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog. Pretty much self-explanitory.
• Malltranari - What happens when Malleo, Fortran, and Mari gets fused together. May God help us all if that happens.
• Santa Mario - Mario doing the good deed of Santa's doing for the Cave People during Christmas.
• Malleo - A very powerful but silent form. Also a dead meme, like Dog Flipping A Pancake.
• Anime Mario - A video gaming messed-up Mario.
• Shadow Mario - Is not really a form of Mario, but rather a clever disguise made by Bowser Jr.
• Homestar Mario - Mario while in Homestar Runner's universe.
• The Simpsons' Mario - Mario as he's seen with yellow skin. Why they don't a Luigi version of him, I'll never know. Actually, he did appear with Mario once, so yeah.
• Giant Ninja Mario - Basically the same thing as Good Truthful Honest Totally Depraved Evil Insidious Giant Ninja Mario, only he's confirmed what side he's on.
• Bloated Mario - Appears when Mario swallows too much water or Chuckola Cola. Not to be confused with Fat Mario.
• Referee Mario - Mario as a referee during boxing matches. Is seen in the Punch-Out!! game with Mike Tyson and Mr. Dream.
• Luigi Mario - Formed when Mario wears Luigi's clothes/steals his voice.
• Wario - Not really Mario, just some stupid rival. He ended up getting his own identity by his WarioWare Land series.
• Real Mario - The real live-action Mario who used to live in Brooklyn with Real Luigi until he died.
• Mario Mario - The fake live-action Mario living in Brooklyn with Luigi Mario, the fake version of Real Luigi.
• Baby Mario - The paradoxical baby form of Mario that was previously just the baby form of Mario before traveling to the future and becoming a separate entity.