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Elite Beat Agents

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
MediaNice.jpg This article is about a Media Source, which is remixed to create a YouTube Poop.
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Music LIVES!


Elite Beat Agents is a weird game made by some Japanese company about three secret agents who help people by dancing. Yeah. No cool men in black that have to save the world from aliens or anything, just some dancing men in black. One of them has an afro. And not to mention that they live in a very dangerous world, where theme parks are attacked by golems at random, zombie outbursts can happen at any time, and people's white blood cells are hot pink-haired nurses. Seriously, I'm not making any of this up, guy. Oh, and they have a female division too. And it consists of three lesbian girls who are Charlies' Angels rip-offs with very, very short shorts. And one of them wears glasses. And the Elite Beat Agents' leader is Commander Kahn, a 60-year-old man who simply watches what people do all day, then when he sees them in trouble, he gets out of his chair, points up and yells, "AGENTS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!", even though there's nobody in the room except for him to hear it. He is also the only person in the world who likes Sarcastic Nuts and Nuts. And even though not a single person dislikes the game (except for Scott Porter, but he's hardly a person), it only sold 120,000 copies, dooming all possibility of a sequel. Boo.

Oh, and you know the game rocks when it somehow makes Steriogram, Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne, and freaking Ashlee Simpson awesome. Seriously, it does. It also features ABC by The Jackson 5, which of course is awesome (R.I.P., Michael Jackson.).

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The Elite Beat Agents' crazy Japanese cousins, the Ouendan

Media Information[edit]

Video Game

Made By[edit]


Country of Origin[edit]

Japan/The U.S.A.



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All four of the Elite Beat Agent squads are shocked at seeing a giant penis.


With emphasis given to those seen in Youtube Poops

  • J - Possible main character.
  • Morris - Back up agent with cool hat.
  • Derek - Back up agent with huge afro.
  • Chieftain - Native American agent with a beard.
  • Spin - Black rookie to the Elite Beat Agents.
  • Commander Kahn - Commander of the agents.
  • Starr - Leader of the Elite Beat Divas.
  • Foxx (lol) - Back up Diva who looks like Lady Gaga.
  • Missy - Back up Diva who somewhat looks like Fio from Metal Slug.
  • Mr. Virus - Perverted virus.
  • That actor guy from Makes no Difference - An actor guy in Chris' movie.
  • Isabella and Norma Carrington - Two dumb celebrity sisters who get animals to do their work.
  • Hulk Bryman - YOU BET KID!
  • Leonardo da Vinci (I'm not joking here.) - An amazing artist/inventor who wants to create a great painting for Mona Lisa.
  • Mona Lisa (I'm not joking on this one either.) - A lady who is Leonardo da Vinci's lover.
  • Jane - Babysitter who calls the agents for help.
  • Don - Jane's boyfriend.
  • Sam - Lost dog.
  • Max - Cat who tries to save a baby.
  • Laughing blue zombie army - Their only weakness is peanuts.
  • Pedophile Horse - Tex's horse who has a damn creepy smile.
  • Thomas - I believe he's a pretty good magician!
  • Chris Silverscreen - Movie director who calls the agents to help him make a smash hit.
  • Jack - Taxi driver who goes hyper whenever he steps on the pedal.
  • Linda - Pregnant lady who needs Jack to drive her to the hospital.
  • Angelina - Thomas' assistant.
  • Ted Hudson - Sam's owner.
  • Captain Brooke - A pirate looking for treasure.
  • Sofie Hudson - News reporter who defies weather to go on a picnic with her son
  • David Hudson - The son in question. He's also Ted's brother.
  • Ken Ozu - Amateur ninja/car salesman.
  • Cap White - Hot nurse who's actually a white blood cell.
  • Bill Mitchell - An athlete who gets sick right before the Olympics and needs the agents to help him. Cap White is one of his white blood cells.
  • Lucy Matthews - A girl whose father dies right before Christmas. Rare example of something serious in this game.
  • Colonel Bob - Rich colonel who tries to earn all of his money back through (gasp!) hard work
  • Amanda - Country girl who dreams of being a star.
  • Tex - Amanda's boyfriend? Meh, let's go with that for now.
  • Jake - Angry peanut salesman who must stop the funniest zombie apocalypse ever.
  • Rhombulans - An alien race that hates music.


First Used in a Poop by[edit]

Often Used by[edit]

Further Information[edit]

Can be hard to use in poop since it's a rhythm game, but some parts are perfect material.

Track List[edit]

  1. Walkie Talkie Man by Steriogram (Sung by Jason Paige)
  2. Makes No Difference by Sum 41 (Sung by Vinn Lombardo)
  3. Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne (Sung by Angela Michael)
  4. I Was Born To Love You by Freddie Mercury/Queen (Sung by Paul Vician)
  5. Rock This Town by The Stray Cats (Sung by Mark Latham)
  6. Highway Star by Deep Purple (Sung by Kaleb James)
  7. YMCA by The Village People (Sung by TC Moses)
  8. September by Earth, Wind, & Fire (Sung by TC Moses)
  9. Canned Heat by Jamiroquai (Sung by Jason Paige)
  10. Material Girl by Madonna (Sung by Melissa Garber)
  11. La La by Ashlee Simpson (Sung by Laura Jane)
  12. You're The Inspiration by Chicago (Sung by Julian Miranda)
  13. Let's Dance by David Bowie (Sung by Delaney Wolff)
  14. The Anthem by Good Charlotte (Sung by Kevin Ridel)
  15. Without A Fight by Hoobastank (Sung by Kevin Ridel)
  16. Jumping Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones (Sung by Billy Fogarty)
  17. Believe by Cher (Sung by Lynn Rose) (Bonus Song)
  18. ABC by The Jackson 5 (by TC Moses and Brittany Kertesz) (Bonus Song)
  19. Survivor by Destiny's Child (Sung by April Harmony) (Bonus Song)


  • Considered the best Nintendo DS game of all time by many, including Nintendo Power.
  • It's amazing the game didn't get a T.
  • Nintendo also made Rhythm Heaven, which is sometimes considered the game's spiritual successor.
  • The Elite Beat Agents are in Brawl, but only as a trophy and a sticker. Boo.
  • It's Reggie Fils-Aime's favourite game.
  • The reason the game sold so badly is because the demo players sucked.
  • The Elite Beat Agents sing Material Girl in the shower.
  • Depending on the mission, if the Elite Beat Agents fail a mission, people die. Do know how that feels? When someone dies because of you? Would you really want that job?
  • Two of the songs are done by the guy who sang the Pokémon theme. Really.
  • According to this game, our white blood cells are hot pink-haired nurses. Or, well, just one guy's, for sure.

Main Source For Poopers[edit]

Youtube Youtube again

Other External Links[edit]


See Also[edit]