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Donkey Kong

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

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Name: Donkey Kong
Appears In: Donkey Kong Country
Sex: Male
Occupation(s): Protector of Kongo-Bongo and the Crystal Coconut
Played By: Milton "Soupy Sales" Supman/Richard Yearwood/Grant Kirkhope/Takashi Nagasako/Kōichi Yamadera

Donkey Kong is one of the first video game characters to ever appear on a Nintendo game. He was originally a bad guy, but that was really Cranky Kong. He's also the final boss in Punch-Out!!

In Brief

He's the leader of the bunch, you know him well. He's finally back to kick some tail. His coconut gun can fire in spurts. If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt. He's bigger, faster, and stronger too. He's the first member of the DK Crew.

The Kong now known as Cranky made his debut when he went mad and kidnapped Mario's old prostitute, then tried to murder Mario with large barrels as he chased after them. The current Donkey Kong is somewhat of a hero, saving the jungle even if he's only motivated by bitches, cash-money, and getting back his bananas. And the two other times he was stupid enough to be kidnapped, meaning he did not star in two out of three Donkey Kong Country games, even though he's in the title. Whatever. He was the star again in Donkey Kong 64, along with 4 other Kongs. All of these games involve King K. Rool being the main villain, especially with him doing different things for each of these games.


He has appeared in several (three) other of his own games since the Rare-developed ones. In Jungle Climber he climbs things, and in Jungle Beat he beats up things. See a pattern?

Be sure not to mess with DK's bananas. That really rustles his jimmies.

His Part In Youtube Poop

Donkey Kong starred in his own TV series with the same name as his first SNES game, Donkey Kong Country. This show is commonly used as a source by some, like Cortes, RideTheCatfish or BarnabasB.

The Fake DK

The ape we all know and love is in fact Donkey Kong Jr. He first appeared rescuing his father from Mario. He persued his own career as a teacher while his papa got smacked again.

Jr. soon grew up in 1994 with Donkey Kong Country. The original Kong was now old and wrinkly, and is married (though that wasn't found out until DKC2). But what Jr. didn't realize was that King K. Rool, the supposed villain of the trilogy, happens to be in Cranky Kong's ropes. Nobody knew that until some people played the sequel and the sequel after that.

Donkey Kong being gang-raped by some pig things. Or showing off a new hairstyle. One of those two.

Other Info


  • "Got any banana cream pie?"
  • "Bananaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Slamma!!!"
  • "♫Hold it now, hold it now, won ti dloh, won ti dloh!♫"
  • "♫Wait a heck, what the sec.♫"
  • "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
  • "♫I get it, I get it little buddy that's slick, but I've got two cokes.♫"
  • "♫Desmirtshized, Desmirtshized.♫"
  • "♫I HAVE AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♫"
  • "Walk in your shoes!"
  • "Oooooh, oooooh, oooooh, ahh, ahh, AAAAGGGGG!!!!!"
  • "Ape..."
  • "I've Fallen, & I Can't Get Up!!!!!!!!! Can you pass me a banana, little buddy?"
  • "I'm... Not?"
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Russia longs for the awaited destruction of Donkey Kong.
  • "♫Gonna steal, gonna be untruuue.♫"
  • "♫Walk in his shooooooooooooes.♫"
  • "♫My hand looks like aluminum foillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♫"
  • "♫I'm a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead, a metalhead.♫"
  • "♫Eddie, let me go back to my home!! Without me everything's all wrongnorw lla s'gnihtyreve em tuohtiw. emoh ym ot kcab og em tel, eiddE!!♫"
  • "♫Eddie, Eddie, Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie EddieEddieEddieEddieEddieEddie EDDIE Eddie, Eddie Eddie Eddie-Eddie!♫"
  • "This walking which the sibling will hang the fairy in words."
  • "We pass over and with indefinetly rolls."
  • "We're in place for about genzite."
  • "In often and only as water color where he calls it in what is he about the color which is identical has life that's whom the brothers and sisters... will hang with this and this skip back Kalities and there is absolute question that we please scoop out after family of parents, I your your service am wondering where it's identical it'd appear."
  • "Anything which is the possibility of making."
  • "Where it's possible, ordercy is from respects, your your you am service wondering where it's identical it'd appear."
  • "I am of your realness!"
  • "That's what Gingrich said! He will hang this area networks; Castle Grande transaction things."
  • "Where in place, prevention side."
  • "They don't have all of this war! Pretty close to the jersey about the color, which is identical."
  • "Has learned that some of the brothers and sisters..."
  • "This is just ridiculous, and there is absolutely essential that we still don't have a family!"
  • "Of parents, I'm sure you're sorry to say that."
  • "One, there is identical to the twenty-year the thing which is the possibility of making were responsible."
  • "For the season with respect, to what would you answer this morning 'where is the addiction?'"
  • "To twenty years."
  • "Why don't you really think so?!"
  • "I'm the original member of the KKK!"
  • "♫I don't know what's happenin' tooooo me...!♫"
  • "♫I can't see what I believe!♫"
  • "♫You gotta sex!♫"
  • "♫If you send this to me...♫"
  • "♫If you send me back, I'll suck my penis.♫"

Family Lines

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DK's reaction to reading this article.
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Donkey Kong on a bad morning.
  • Candy Kong: Girlfriend of Donkey Kong
  • Diddy Kong: Nephew of Donkey Kong (Little Buddy)
  • Dixie Kong: Girlfriend of Diddy Kong (Little Buddy's Fuck Buddy)
  • Chunky Kong: Kiddy Kong's Brother (He's one Hell of a guy.)
  • Lanky Kong: Relative to the Manky Kongs (He has no penis or balls.)
  • Kiddy Kong: Chunky Kong's Brother
  • Tiny Kong: Sister of Dixie Kong
  • Cranky Kong: Grandfather (?)
  • Wrinkly Kong (deceased): Grandmother
  • Funky Kong: Relative of some sort


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DK, after totally wrecking his race kart. He's in big trouble now, folks!
  • He likes the Banana Cream Pie. (BarnabasB proved it.)
  • NintyScreen approves of him.
  • SnakeManEXE, however, does not approve of DK, or this article.
  • He sometimes is seen as a rapper, as well as some sort of a strange engrish type thing with King K. Rool. (Who wants no news, no calls, and no tyranny until tomorrow.)
  • Said that he had AIDS once.
  • He also said that he's got two cokes, but Diddy Kong's slick with that.
  • He was once the main guy that was being sued by Universal Studios for simply having a name that was similar to the name King Kong. Donkey Kong would eventually win this case, and would then stay with Nintendo with all the bananas that he could eat until he decided to retire. (Wait, What? He didn't retire, stupid.)
  • Doc Louis seriously loves him so much, that he wanted to get his autograph after Little Mac's fight with him.
  • He seems to take a liking to Metallica's "Black Album."
  • The voice actor for the Donkey Kong Country animated series, Richard Yearwood, would later on end up voice acting for one of the characters of the two Dino Crisis games.
  • Everyone on DK Island has a last name of Kong, suggesting that the entire Kong family is inbred.
  • Has a strange form called "Robo Donkey Kong".
  • He likes to throw punches in bunches and bunches in punches.
  • Also likes seeing the new Donkey Kong Country Returns game.
    • He likes the Wii U sequel, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze even moreso. Especially since his main-man, David Wise, came back to compose the music.
  • One time, Kaptain K. Rool cut off DK's head, cloned it, and used the living, body-less heads as cannon balls. It is unknown how he survived this, or why K. Rool did this.
  • Hates Dry Bones, and will not only trip him when he sees him, but also Yoshi when he gives Dry Bones a hand.
  • Recently, whenever he sings "♫I don't know what's happenin' tooooo me...!♫" an airplane comes and kills the near-by listener of his song. His first ever victim: President Barack Obama!
  • Once became a human, and changed his name to Wreck-It Ralph.
Donkey Kong wonders how high you can get.
  • He's the leader of Korea, he's got diarrhea, he's finally back, to say mama mia! His squirt gun, can shot piss. If he squirts ya, it's gonna suck dude. He has a funny face and has not pants. He's the worst member of the Dic Fan Club, huh!