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Coney Island Disco Palace

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas

The Coney Island Disco Palace, originally known as the Pizza Island Disney Planet, is a venue in South New Jersey (commonly mistaken by some as Dinosaur Island), in the Philadelphia area, located in the Koopa district down Coney Avenue right next to the Koopa Football Stadium, in Camden, New Jersey. The area has had a long history of being inhabited by gays and pedophiles which ultimately led to its demise in 2009, when it was shut down.

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The Coney Island Disco Palace in its early years.


The Coney Island Disco Palace originally opened in The '70s as the Pizza Island Disney Planet, a Disney-themed pizzeria which served AIDS-infested pizzas. Once it was discovered that cum was the secret ingredient in the pizza, health issues arose thus forcing the restaurant to close-down in 1981 (on a lesser note, few people actually knew Mickey Mouse was molesting children visiting the restaurant). It would be 4 years until King Koopa would rent-out and revitalize the venue in 1985. King Koopa made the venue one of his castles and while he was high, he renamed it the Coney Island Disco Palace. While King Koopa was still living in the self-described Palace, he decorated it with many defective deathtraps and hired several minions with Alzheimer's to stop the Mario Brothers while he kidnapped the Princess. After years of many failed attempts, King Koopa could no longer pay his rent and was forced to move into one of his 7 Koopa Hotels, which he still had to pay rent for and went bankrupt. In 1996, King Koopa moved out leaving the infamous Dr. Rabbit to immediately move in. Once settled in, Dr. Rabbit had established a state-of-the-art dentist facility for kids in the Coney Island Disco Palace. After a year, rumors began to spread that Dr. Rabbit had been raping children with toothbrushes and using the defective deathtraps, which were still left in the Coney Island Disco Palace, as sexual torture devices. It was reported that during his court trial, children continued to visit the Coney Island Disco Palace. In the trial's conclusion, Dr. Rabbit was found innocent but was, however, sentenced probation. Afterward, Dr. Rabbit left for Africa in his hot-air balloon to allegedly visit his kid friends. Many, however, speculate he left to avoid police. After Dr. Rabbit abandoned the Coney Island Disco Palace in 1998, famous Pop-singer Michael Jackson later inhabited the Coney Island Disco Palace following his allegations in Neverland Ranch. In 1999, rumors of Michael Jackson similar to that of Dr. Rabbit while he was still living in the Coney Island Disco Palace began to arise. After an act of congress and a final decision by the Governor of New Jersey, the CIDP was finally condemned in 2009, and demolished in 2010, though the dungeon portion still remains intact and is still today used by the State of New Jersey.

In 2015, Satan rose from the depths of Hell to rape New Jersey & resurrect the Coney Island Disco Palace as a Coney Island Disco Ball.

Performers at the Coney Island Disco Palace[edit]

In it's early days, the Coney Island Disco Palace was not known for acts that were performed there.

  • The Melvins in 1985: where they performed every single song they ever wrote at that point.
  • Nirvana: Where they performed the Devalued American Dollar Purchase Incentive Track for the first and last time. Kurt Cobain claims they jammed on Flipper's "Sex Bomb" for 30 to 60 minutes at this show.
  • Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band: Zoot Horn Rollo claims they played a 3 hour extended version of Bellerin Plain because Don kept saying "LOOONG." Notably featured the Mascara Snake who played the ear rape bass clarinet. Footage can be seen here.
  • Milli Vanilli before they were caught miming.
  • Deth Row. The show was shortly canceled after the bassist and singer got crushed by Dr. Rabbit's hot air balloon.
  • The Inner City Posse after they released their first & only LP called The Dog Beats and before they saw the bleak future for everything & transformed into the Insane Clown Posse.
  • Michael Jackson: He performed there in the early '80s. It was there that Michael invented the Moonwalk and he would forever become the Moonwalker. He would later move-in in the '90s.
  • Rush: After their beautiful performance in 1985, the Coney Island Disco Palace's popularity boomed.
  • KISS: One wall was destroyed during the concert by fire in 1978.
  • AC/DC
  • Styx
  • Dio
  • Iron Maiden
  • Poison
  • Mötley Crüe: The same wall that was destroyed in 1978 was destroyed again in 1988.
  • Van Halen
  • Guns N' Roses: The concert ended early after Axl Rose jumped into the crowd and punched a fan.
  • Loudness: The only concert with Big Cheese. He was kicked-out of the band after the concert, which he ruined with his bad singing.
  • Billy Joel: First played "We Didn't Start the Fire" here in 1989.
  • Madness
  • The Jonas Brothers: Caused the whole audience to die or go completely and utterly mad.
  • Hannah Montana: Same reaction as the Jonas Brothers.

Wizardheimer's Confession[edit]

In 2007 Wizardheimer confessed to raping Oogtar at the Coney Island Disco Palace. His confession was blown over by the media when Mama Luigi soon discovered that Floss is the equivelent to his/her Wheeze.

As a Prison[edit]

In the 1980s, the Coney Island Disco Palace was expanded with a vast dungeon, complete with separate cells and advanced security measures installed. This dungeon was later taken-over by the State of New Jersey in 1995, and was used as a prison to hold inmates from all over New Jersey and eastern Pennsylvania. This dungeon is the only surviving portion of the Coney Island Disco Palace, and is still today used by the State of New Jersey to hold inmates.

In addition, executions of inmates on death row were also carried-out here until 2007, when the State of New Jersey abolished the death penalty.


These traps were placed by King Koopa in 1985. A few of them are still intact, though inoperative, though most were destroyed when the Coney Island Disco Palace was demolished.

The Dino-Pit[edit]

The Dino-Pit is one of King Koopa's most evil construction. It's a big, round hole in the floor with a dinosaur in it. People are tied up with a rope above the pit, and if the rope breaks, the victim will fall into the dino-pit and get eaten. Oogtar was the trap's first victim, but unfortunately, Santa Mario came and saved him just before the rope broke.

The Deadly Hallway[edit]

The deadly hallway is a corridor in the Disco Palace with pillars in the ceiling that will crush people beneath them. Mama Luigi once got squeezed by a pillar, but did not die. Instead, he turned into Pancake Luigi, and Mario restored him to his normal form by combining him with a Magic Balloon.

The Pipe[edit]

A pathetic trap that won't kill anything. King Koopa is possibly the only person who fell for the trap. Blue Koopa originally built this trap.

The Disco Kid Dance Trap[edit]

This trap was implemented in 1977, back when he was a kid. When anyone enters his room unexpectedly, that person would go into a random disco dancing mood. After they began doing that, Disco Kid would randomly appear and show off his disco moves. After an hour or so, the person who went in would later give up and pass out. When that person passes out, Disco Kid would later perform sex on that person and then eat their remains before they wake up... Creepy.