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Facepalm Luigi

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
Revision as of 09:54, 6 June 2010 by NinjaCoachZ (talk | contribs) (→‎Suicide Attempts: Too "normal". The zany ones are funnier.)

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Name: Emo Luigi
Appears In: Super Mario World
Sex: Male
Age: 27
Nationality: Italian
Occupation(s): Crying
Played By: Tony Rosato

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Emo Luigi is one of Luigi's many forms (also known by SuperYoshi and TheDumbening as Facepalm Luigi). This is what happens when Luigi discovers the effect he has had on YouTube Poop, or once he realises he is no longer funny.

Effect on Personal Life

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It's all his fault.

When Luigi becomes emo, it has drastic effects on the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing business. One day, in 1997, Mario and Luigi were called to fix a problem with the great toilet of Robotnik. When they arrived, they discovered that Robotnik's toilet had been clogged up with something nasty. As Mario attempted to use a plunger to fix it, Luigi watched closely. Then it happened. The plunger broke in half, and the bottom segment went down the drain. Luigi attempted to save it, but he was too late. He ran out of Robotnik's Fortress, and was found a few hours later next to a dustbin in Florida.

Luigi spent the next few months thinking about the plunger, thinking that its loss was all his fault. On November 18th of that year, Luigi attempted to slit his wrist with the sharp side of a Yoshi egg. Unfortunately for him, the lightbulb exploded, and Luigi spent a few hours crying in the darkness. Eventually, Mario came in to fix the light bulb, whilst Luigi wrote a poem about how much he missed the old lightbulb and cried himself to sleep that night.

He now believes that he is to blame for every bad thing that has ever happened, including the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, World War II, AIDS, the Seattle SuperSonics moving to Oklahoma City to become the Oklahoma City Thunder, the Arizona Cardinals making it in the 2008/2009 playoffs, and Super Bowl XLIII.

Suicide Attempts

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Sometimes, not even lotsa spaghetti can snap Luigi out of his depression.

Luigi has attempted to commit suicide on over 9000 occasions:

  • March 5, 1997 - Hanging. Failed due to lack of rope.
  • June 16, 1997 - Hanging. Failed due to too much rope.
  • November 9, 1997 - Slitting wrist. Failed due to power failure.
  • December 2, 1997 - Electrocution. Failed due to power cut.
  • December 6, 1997 - Jumping off a building. Failed as the building was actually a small garage.
  • May 5, 1998 - Slitting wrist. Failed due to the fact condoms cant cut your wrist.
  • May 3, 1999 - Suffocation. Failed as the condom was too small.
  • May 10, 1999 - Got The Ultimate Warrior to bash homosexuality at the University of Connecticut in hopes of Gay Luigi to blow up the building. Failed because Gay Luigi left the building to rant about the incident on his blog.
  • May 5, 2000 - STD. Failed because he forgot to take the condom off.
  • August 1, 2001 - Hanging. Failed because he already used that joke.
  • August 8, 2002 - Drug overdose. Success. Unfortunately, medics came and revived him.
  • February 2, 2003 - Stole Punxsutawney Phil, then drove into a quarry. Failed because the day repeated itself.
  • March 9, 2004 - Deliberate overdose on bacon. Success. Unfortunately Fat Mario arrived to suck the fat out of him. Luigi then suffered from mixed emotions of sadness and sensation that lasted for an entire year.
  • April 7, 2005 - Tried to drown himself. Failed because he thought it was boring.
  • May 6, 2006 - Taunted Fat Mario so he would sit on him. Failed because Fat Mario couldn't run that far and passed out.
  • January 9, 2007 - Bowel obstruction. Failed due to the fact laxatives don't obstruct bowels.
  • June 3, 2007 - Laid in the middle of a freeway, expecting to get run over.
  • July 2, 2007 - Finally gave up waiting to get run over and jumped off the freeway, unfortunately landing in a passing pillow, marshmallow, and cotton swab truck.
  • October 3, 2007 - Attempted to freeze himself in the cold, October temperatures of Alaska. He then found himself face-to-face with a Fire Sumo.
  • October 8, 2007 - Pissed off a Fire Sumo on purpose so that it would crack the ground open below him and Luigi would fall to his death. Unfortunately he found a magic balloon.
  • October 13, 2007 - Realized that select days of his previous suicide attempts were consecutive digit of pi, and thus attempted to overdose on pumpkin pie. Failed due to the fact that he got full, and that he is not allergic to pumpkin.
  • October 29, 2007 - Tried to hang himself with the invisible long string from the magic balloon that he found. Failed when he found out that he not only couldn't find the string that he held, he also didn't find a perfectly suitable place for him to hang himself.
  • December 2, 2007 - Stabbed his stomach and the left testicle after the pooper known as Deepercutt publicly humiliated him by showing an unreleased music video of the song "Watch Me Bleed" starring Emo Luigi himself. Success. Unfortunately Gwonam sewed him up and used his cum as replacement blood.
  • December 6, 2007 - Shot himself in the head after King Koopa killed Mario, Toad, and Peach. R.I.P. Emo Luigi....maybe....
Even frog suits can't cure Luigi of his emo-ness
  • December 7, 2007 - Got up after lying on the ground FOR HOURS when he got bored of pretending to be dead. He missed his head by six inches and accidently shot a TREE.
  • December 9, 2007 - Attempted to piss off Brock Samson in hopes the he would finally die, but Brock took Emo Luigi's jokes and insults as friendly gestures and left him alone.
  • December 13, 2007 - Tried to deliberately be crushed to death inside a working trash compactor. Success, but instead of killing him, left Luigi in a cartoonish cube shape for the rest of the day.
  • January 1, 2008 - Tried to drown himself in champagne at his New Year's party. Failed due to the fact that he didn't even have a New Year's party.
  • January 15, 2008 - Attempted to jump off the roof of the nearest video game store because Super Smash Bros. Brawl was delayed AGAIN. Survived with extremely minor bruises.
  • (Friday) Febuary 13, 2008 - Tried to get Jason Voorhees to kill him. Failed due to that Jason was dead.
  • Febuary 28, 2008 - Attempted to break open the Patty Vault and eat every Krabby Patty inside so it would go to his thighs and blow up. Failed because Squidward got there first.
  • March 9th, 2008 - Attempted to enter the Negative Zone, getting himself killed after all the Brawl Copies got sold out. Failed not only because Regular Luigi got probation on the move shortly before he managed to patent the new move after Dio Brando had sued him of the move, but also because Emo Luigi can't perform this move without switching back to Regular Luigi without losing his emo state.
  • September 11th, 2008 - Attempted to go back in time to Sep. 11th 2001 and get on a hijacked plane to get himself killed. Failed due to Osama Bin Laden actually raping him in the plane bathroom and safely landing to let him get off.
  • September 16, 2008 - Attempted to fall in Jonas Bros. mosh pit during a concert in Chicago. Last seen in critical condition, with cooties all over him, and his ears bleeding due to the screaming. He is expected to make a recovery. M. Bison's response: "YES!"
  • September 20, 2008 - Attempted to unplug his life support machine next to his hospital bed. Failed due to his inability to move his broken arms.
  • October 7, 2008 - Walked out of hospital, fully healed, and jumped into a manhole and tried drowning himself (again). Failed because the stench was just too much.
  • October 10, 2008 - Ate a bag of kitty litter. Failed, but he did get bad breath.
  • October 12, 2008 - Swallowed at tooth brush trying to get rid of his bad breath, but it melted inside of his stomach due to the powerful emo acids inside of it.
  • October 12, 2008 (One minute after last one)- Emo Luigi decided to die the simple way: plastic bag. He was breathing it so hard that it was sucked up into his nose and flew down into his stomach once again to be destroyed by his emo acids.
  • October 13, 2008 - Attempted to piss off Shadow the Hedgehog by making fun of Maria. Failed because Shadow was too much into his flashbacks of pain to notice. Emo Luigi ignored the last sentence typed and woke Shadow up to try to piss him off again. Failed because Shadow felt his emo-pain radiation and became friends with him.
  • October 17, 2008 - Due to the incredible depression of not being invited to WalrusGuy's joyous return party, he stood out in the Chocolate Rain, hoping this would coat him in chocolate and get kids to eat him. Unfortunately, it only coated his clothes, causing the children to devour his clothes, and leaving him not only emo, but also completely naked.
  • October 31, 2008 - Tried goring himself on a chainsaw. Failed, due to the fact that it was a Halloween episode of the show, and as such, is never canon.
  • November 3, 2008 - Tried to call Q Strange to finally kill him once and for all. Failed because he didn't realize that he changed his ways for his own son.
  • November 11, 2008 - Tried to get candy by singing at door to door, due to a Dutch Holiday (Not a vacation). Failed, because everyone thought he thought it was Halloween, and declined him.
  • November 12, 2008 - Tried to hang himself because he didn't get his candy. Failed because he found a shitload of candy inside the walls of his house.
  • December 12, 2008 - Tried to kill himself by wondering in the woods to find a real live serial killer unexpectedly. Didn't work because he accidentally killed the serial killer that he wanted to find.
  • December 26, 2008 - After getting nothing that he desires for this Christmas, he decided to kill himself by getting the wired decorations off his Christmas tree and placing them around his neck. He almost succeeded, but it didn't work due to him getting a last minute gift that he really likes before he died.
  • December 27, 2008 - After getting nothing at all for boxing day, he tried to piss off a kangaroo by honking his car horn at it. Unfortunately, the kangaroo died from shock, only to be revived three minutes later and steal his money and then die again.
  • December 29, 2008 - Attempted to get some recognition by kidnapping Dick Clark just days before his annual New Years' special. Unfortunately, there were other hosts he had not considered. Also, he was unable to kidnap Dick Clark because, well, he's fucking Dick Clark!
  • December 31, 2008/January 1, 2009 - Attempted to get squished by that giant ball that's always on that one tower in the little known town of New York City. Was ten seconds too late from being killed because police officers saved him from being squished before the New Year officially began.
  • January 18, 2009 - Tried to hang himself when he saw that the Arizona Cardinals had came from behind against the Philadelphia Eagles and made it to the Super Bowl. Stopped doing it when he found out that the Pittsburgh Steelers were also going there.
  • January 31, 2009 - Almost accidentally died when he slipped on fallen spaghetti while preparing for his pre-Super Bowl party.
  • February 2, 2009 - Tried to drown himself in Gaara's sand for no apparent reason. (Probably to celebrate the Pittsburgh Steelers' close victory in the Super Bowl.) Failed because Gaara is also emo, and the two fell in love. It was said that those who weren't either Gaara or Emo Luigi that were within 30 miles of this epic cum spurge would die instantaneously. Those who were within an 100 mile radius were partially burned from their faces.
  • March 12, 2009 - Went back to the present and tried to suffocate himself with a giant condom. Failed because there was a rip in it. It also happened to be a used condom, but before he could drown himself in the semen, Gay Luigi and Oogtar drank it all.
  • March 22, 2009 - Attempted to get his Blastoise to drown him because he accidentally released his shiny Chimchar. Failed because he doesn't own a Blastoise, but a Venusaur.
  • April 1, 2009 - After realizing that Little Kuriboh wasn't abridging Yu-Gi-Oh anymore, he tried to kill himself. Then, everyone shouted, "April Fools!" and gave Luigi a heart attack. His ghost then said "April Fools!" and returned to life. Freaking ghost.
  • April 5, 2009 - Tried losing to Seth in Street Fighter IV. Failed because Seth isn't even a real person, and as a Nintendo character, doesn't have an Xbox.
  • April 6, 2009 - Pushed his belly button, hoping it was a self-destruct button. Failed because he doesn't even have a belly button.
  • April 7, 2009 - Moved to Jamaica and attempted to offend the people there. Failed because they were on their early summer holiday and didn't care.
  • April 16, 2009 - Attempted to get a Houndoom to eat him. Failed because Houndooms don't like the taste of Emos.
  • April 20, 2009 - He heard of Bowser Jr's successful suicide in 1988, and tried killing himself again, as he deemed himself a failure. He did succeed, but was revived by King Koopa as an act of cruelty.
  • May 15, 2009 - Went back to 1942 to try to tell Hitler he was a Jew, but failed because he went to 1942 B.C. insted of 1942 A.D.
  • June 23, 2009 - Tryed to drown himself in the Gulf of Mexico, fail because some people on the beach called his name (In reality they where just saying Emo Luigis name because the person who stole their football happened to be named Emo Luigi too)
  • June 26, 2009 - Attempted to drown himself in Greenback Koopa's spicy Mashed Potatos when he heard Michael Jackson died, failed because Scoopa Koopa's had run out of mashed potatos due to Fat Luigi.
  • June 29, 2009 - After hearing of Billy Mays' death, he attempted to anger Escargoon by calling King Dedede fat, gay, and stupid. Failed because he was actually talking to Customer Service, who hates King Dedede.
  • July 16, 2009 - Swam out into the ocean to get eaten by a sea monster. Failed because the sea monster choked on Emo Luigi's emoness, died, and coughed him back up.
  • July 29, 2009 - Upon realizing that we are all about to die someday, Luigi tried to commit suicide the one, surefire way--by living. Unfortunately, Mario killed him.
  • July 31, 2009 - Was thrown out of The Pit for being too emo.
  • August 15, 2009 - Choked President Obama, hoping to get shot by the Secret Service. Failed because choking a person's leg causes no harm.
  • August 15, 2009 - Attempted to get his Chewiki article deleted by AbsoluteBillion by marking it for deletion, since that would, theoretically, kill him as well. Failed because Chewiki editors reverted the page.
  • September 3, 2009 - Attempted suicide by hanging. Succeeded, accidentally reincarnated self.
  • September 5, 2009 - Flushed the Ticklepotty. Failed because Terryland runs in backwards time. THAT'S WHY THE TICKLEPOTTY NEVER FLUSHES!!
  • September 9, 2009 - SEGA celebrates 10 years of the Dreamcast today. Luigi's dream, to die, is cast at last. Unfortunately, he forgot that Sega dropped out of making consoles and he was revived.
  • September 22, 2009 - Attempted to jump through a closed window on top of a skyscraper. Unfortunately the window was three inches thick.
  • October 14, 2009 - Tried to drown himself after Lou Albano's death. Too bad the water was frozen.
  • October 15, 2009 - Attempted to have a ninja assassinate him. Failed because the ninja offered him a baked potato.
  • November 8, 2009 - After hearing that Ed Edd n Eddy is over, he attempted to get Eddy to beat him up by telling him that his brother is better than him. Failed because Eddy was on Magic Drugs with Ed for the night. Emo Luigi was then depressed that he wasn't invited for a week.
  • November 15, 2009 - Attempted to poison himself after hearing that Best Buy was sold out of copies of New Super Mario Bros. Wii, failed because Mario had pre-ordered a copy to give him.
  • November 15, 2009 - Tried drinking Edd's never ending bottle of Mountain Dew until he exploded. Failed because Edd was dead at the time and never made any more before Emo Luigi could buy some.
  • November 16, 2009 - Jumped off a beanstalk.
  • November 27, 2009 - Still falling...
  • December 18, 2009 - He landed at last. Unfortunately, it was on a trampoline.
  • December 31, 2009/January 1, 2010 - Jumped off of Times Square during the final countdown to a new decade. Success, but he had one more life.
  • January 30, 2010 - Pissed off Shin Akuma on a public subway by making fun of his hair, hoping to be killed by his Shun Goku Satsu. Failed when Akuma accidentally killed a fat nudist instead.
  • January 31, 2010 - Reminded Flint that his wife was dead. Failed because he was talking to Chuck Norris.
  • February 3, 2010 - Attempted to get Malleo to turn him into a fire flower and be stepped on.

Failed because he was talking to Fortran, and was forced to "PUSH START TO RICH" for the rest of the month.

  • February 22, 2010 - Shot self in head. Failed because it was a Nerf toy.
  • February 24, 2010 - Stole The King's dinner. Failed because he stole his plastic decoy dinner.
  • February 25, 2010 - After getting nothing he wanted for Christmas again, he attempted to light his Christmas TREE on fire with him tied to the TREE. Failed because he couldn't move his arms to grab his matches.
  • February 25, 2010 - Bought a BFG to blast his self into non-existence. Failed because the BFG only had 39 energy cells (BFG needs 40 cells to shoot).
  • February 26, 2010 - Went to the movies to see Avatar, hoping to die from the amount of crap vibe it emits. Failed because the film caught fire five minutes in.
  • February 27, 2010 - Attempted to use Lemmy's volcano to melt himself. Failed because Iggy destroyed it during the Dinner War of 1987, and as a result, was 25 years late.
  • February 28, 2010 - Attempted to watch Electric Soldier Porygon to try to get a seizure. Failed because he lost his laptop years ago & even if it was still there, it wouldn't of been bright enough to give Emo Luigi a seizure
  • February 29, 2010 - Built a ladder to Heaven to ask God to bring the apocalypse sooner. Failed because the ladder was made of Cap'n Crunch cereal.
  • February 30, 2010 - Ate over 9000 McDonalds burgers. Success, but Fat Mario sucked the fat out of him.
  • Early March 1, 2010 - Tried to drown himself in his toilet filled with shit. Failed because Mario just had to rescue him by getting him out of the toilet. He cried for 10 whole minutes without wiping off the shit before Mario finally decided to help him be free from life.
  • Late March 1, 2010 - Finally decided to kill himself in the Japanese style of seppuku, with Mario as his kaishakunin. Success... OR WAS IT???
  • March 2, 2010 - He survived. Frustrated, he attempted to overdose on sleeping pills. Sadly, they tasted like vomit so out of instinct, he spat them out and burned them.
  • March 21, 2010 - Stole Kirby's cake, hoping that Kirby's rage would cause the end of the world as the Mayans predicted. Failed because Kirby bought another.
  • March 22, 2010 - Went back in time and killed himself as a baby. Failed when he realized not only was the time-machine one way, but he actually killed Mario.
  • March 27, 2010 - Buried himself alive. Failed because a friendly Diglett saved him......without revealing its body.
  • April 1, 2010 - After a friendly April Fool's joke by Mario and Peach in which they all pretended they were brutally killed, Luigi shoots himself in the head. Failed because he was also pulling an April Fool's prank and the bullet was actually a blank.

In the Media

With so much emo, it was inevitable that Emo Luigi would someday create his own depressing music video before one of his suicide attempts would actually work. His video, "Watch Me Bleed" (directed by Deepercutt), is shown on the right. Emo Luigi grew even more emo after realizing the video's high popularity and success. However, he lost some of that emo when he found out that one day, that video disappeared, much to the hatred of those who liked it.

Notable Things Which Turned Luigi Emo

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Mario scolds Luigi for being so emo.
{{#ev:youtube|ss8LDBNcsWc|320}}Here's one of the things that made Luigi emo.

Quotes

  • "*insert crying sounds here* IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!"
  • "WHERE'S THE LIGHTSWITCH" (Said shortly after suicide attempt No. 3.)
  • "I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT!" (Said after he got Princess Peach pregnant with emo babies.)
  • "WE RESCUED THE SHIT!"
  • "YOSHI?!!!"
  • "IT'S ALL LINK'S FAULT!"
  • "HEY LINK!"
  • "NO!"
  • "But I am a baby!" (Said as a response to Mario saying to not act like such a baby.)
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