What Is It? (Huh?)
Pickle Surprise is a Satanic Ritual that's so evil, even Satan himself doesn't like it. It involves some transvestites with some bad hygiene who met Osama Bin Laden in the '80s. He's there to teach them how to make some sandwich thing that, ironically doesn't have the pickle in it at all. Pickle Surprise is probably the only thing weirder than Youtube Poop, but we can put and end to such blasphemy! AND YOU GOTTA HELP US! IF YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE YOUTUBE POOP WEIRDER THAN PICKLE SUPRISE, USE PICKLE SUPRISE IN YOUR POOP TODAY!!!
How To Partake In The Ritual
- Take an English muffin.
- Spread sandwich spread.
- Plop the Ham thusly please.
- Go into a trance of ham.
By the way, that's the surprise!!!
Sightings of Pickle Surprise
Sightings of Pickle Surprise are rare, due to shortages in the kind of opium required for the ritual. However, Steve Erwin managed to capture this rare account of Pickle Surprise when he was looking for wild animals:
If you ever come across one of these, remember: They're more afraid of you than you are of Satan.
If you take impure Magic Drugs (pure MDs won't do this), you might see Pickle Surprise, or some other nightmarish hell.
Warning: What you are about to see is an example of what would happen if anyone did a Youtube Poop of Pickle Suprise. If you have any problems such as constipations, loss of semen, nausea, Explosive diarrhea, implosive diarrhea, loss of water, sudden Gay fantasies, an exposure of (bad) magic drugs, sudden urges to write fanfics, heart palpitations, or insomnia, please don't watch this. Otherwise, please enjoy this fucked up journey for your mind.
Reactions By Those Who Watched Pickle Surprise
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: "What the fuck am I watching?" *After watching it some more.* "What in the Holy Mother of Fuck were they fucking thinking?!?!?!"
- The Nostalgia Critic: "You! Are!! Scum!!!"
- The Tourettes Guy: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!! PISS!"
- The Irate Gamer: "What a bunch of fucking assburgers with french fries and a milkshake on top!"
- Aran Ryan: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Soulja Boy: "She Got A DONK!"
- Dethklok: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Shaq: "I don't give a shit!"
- Disco Kid: "Fantastic!"
- Super Macho Man: "Release this bogus! RELEASE THIS MOTHERFUCKING BOGUS-US-US-US-US-US*crying*!!!"
- Linkara: "Crap in heaven, how much longer is this?! I HAET THIS VIDEO!! I HAET IT!!! ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY HATE!!! ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY HA-A-A-A-A-ATE*crying*!!!!!!!"
- Yoshi: "Waaaaaah?! (Translation: What the fuck is this?!)"
- Rod Blagojevich: I've watched this fucking thing and it's fucking golden!"
- Billy Mays: "HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR SUICIDE PUTTY! THE EASY WAY TO KILL YOURSELF. SIMPLY KNEED TO ACTIVATE, APPLY, & DIE!!! *Uses it to kill himself.*"
- M. Bison:"This isn't delicious! *After watching it some more.* No! NO!!!"
- Captain Guile: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo: "What the hell is this shit?" (It really says something about how weird it is.)
- The Rabbids: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Big Bill Hell's Cars: "Fuck You Pickle Surprise! You're such as a stupid motherfucker, you can SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!! Guaranteed!"
- The Amazing Athiest/The Distressed Watcher: Excuse me for a moment... *insert scene of him vomiting in his toilet here*.
- Edd: "FATHER'S GARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Fox McCloud: "What the fuck, Star Wolf!?" (After being shown Pickle Surprise by Wolf O'Donnell.)
- Sasuke: "(cries)"
- Strong Bad: "Holy crap!!"
- Light Yagami: "EXACTLY AS PLANNED."
- Ken Masters: "Heh-heh-heh! Lots of women find this disturbing!"
- Claude Frollo: *Gasp* "A MONSTER!!"
- Phoenix Wright: OBJECTION!
- Whinefeld: *Insert last whine from them here.*
- Frank West: "Oh my God!"
- Megatron: "Nnnnoooo..."
- Spy: "Ahem, what a disaster! What did they expect... corn?"
- Demoman: "Thankfully, I already don't remember this."
- Emo Luigi: "And it's all my fault!" (cries)
- Sean Fausz: "That, um..., that just happened. And, um, ya no I'd really like to know.. 'Who Let Andy Dick Put His Wiener In The Pickle Jar?!' Jesus Christ, I keep telling people that Andy Dick is a Disease, yet no one listens to the fat guy. Do you see what he's created?! A giant green cock.. thing that keeps screaming Pickle Surprise! Now I don't even know about what the hell this is anymore- looking at the rest of it, I'm not sure if it's about a condiment or food or anything. I think it just may be about pre-op trannies. And tha-that-that blonde thing. What is with her?! What.. Ugh! 'Where's the pickle?' It's in your Goddamned skirt, you.. piece of... geodeh-!!!" (Starts crying in the shower with his clothes on while Céline Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" plays.)
- I.M. Meen: MY BEAUTIFUL LABYRINTH!!
- Scout: AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
- The Food Loving King: I love my food, but WHY CAN'T YOU TALK LIKE THE REST OF US!?! MY EARS! MY EARS! MY EARS! MY EARS!
- Xavier: I've got you trapped! (You trapped!)
- Flippy the war vet: *starts having war flashbacks* *starts murdering everyone around him*
- The Moon: *Dies*
- Random Trolls : is this wrong that this video gave me a boner?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: "Who put you on the planet? UGH!"
- Patrick Star: "Is Pickle Surprise an instrument?"
- Squidward Tentacles: "I think my heart just stopped."
- Mr. Krabs: "*gasps* MOTHER OF PEARL! DO ME EARS DECEIVE ME!?"
Somewhere after Pickle Surprise came about, the people who where in the mindfuck entitled Pickle Surprise went on to make a new thing. The new crazy thing would be called the "Strawberry Shortcut." It involved a normal day at a ladies luncheon (although there might have been some transvestites involved), when all of a sudden, a lady asks what's for dessert. Unfortunently, the lady who migh have organized the luncheon (who has a bad hair-do and a mole on her right cheek) forgot about the dessert. It seemed like the dream luncheon would turn into a nightmare. Thankfully for her, two pink-skinned male people who want to have gay sex with you magically came about for her needs just in time to make the luncheon a Strawberry Shortcut.
How To Make Strawberry Shortcuts
- Take a normal doughnut.
- Place it in a serving dish.
- Marinate with some Cherry 7-Up.
- Sweeten it with jelly.
- Add fresh strawberries...
- And whipped topping!!
It ends up being a pretty fast dish to make that's delicious. It ends with the lady who needed help saying that she took the shortcut... the Strawberry Shortcut in a seductive way and the two pink-skinned
people things blinking at you because they want to fuck you in the ass and suck on your penis.
After the 1980's ended, the Pickle Surprise and Strawberry Shortcut people ended up hiding away from the public due to the negative reception they each received. They kept on hiding and hiding until somewhere between 2006 and 2008, where Youtube became popular. The reason why they didn't air it any earlier is because they didn't have enough money to air it and they feared that some people would still remember it and go into another roid rage riot. Pickle Surprise and Strawberry Shortcut also got some new hair-do's, as well as some new friends such as the redneck who likes saying "Charlie Bit Me!", the Grandma of the redneck that has waaaaaaaay too many wrinkles that are colored black for some strange reason, two more pink-skinned male people who are bisexual instead of gay, a person with a strange mannequin mask, and some bisexual gym naked men who are here for some strange reason.
The commercial began with the person with a manneqiun mask holding a giant animal cookie with sprinkles. Then, the typewriter lady reminds that it's a cookie... but it's not just any cookie and that it's Ookie Cookie. Then it shows all the people from Pickle Surprise and Strawberry Shortcut, as well as the new people, appear in a montage of randomness. However, when the lady who said that it was a surprise in Pickle Surprise asks "Can I make it?", the man who had the pickle hat from Pickle Surprise and got a makeover says that you can and that it's easy.
How To Partake In The Ookie Cookie Ritual
- Buy cookie dough.
- Slice it into uniformed bits. (It shows the packaging being cut as well.)
- Arrange it into an concentric circle.
- Wash your hands. (Why they order you to do it at this point in time, I'll never know.)
- Bake it at 375 Degrees Farenheit for 20 minutes.
- Take it out of the oven and use licorice sticks for lips.
- Make a chocolate nose "
for mom and Joyfrom Almond Joy."
- Put on gumdrop eyes!
- Wait for the face on Ookie Cookie to transform into the Pickle Surprise's face.
- Get four people (preferably pink transvestites) to shake the whipped cream cans like you're masturbating and pour it on the Ookie Cookie.
- Make sure it licks the whipped cream near it's lips and wait for it to go back to normal.
After you get the Ookie Cookie in your mouth, make sure that you're stomach feels ookie. Then, you'll be reminded that you should try this at home and to buy Ookie the Pickle Doll at a store near you.