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Link
This article is filed under Characters.
Link is a civilian of Hyrule, who in times of crisis works as the Hero. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the King himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the Scripture of Utter Bullshit, is the only person who can defeat Ganon. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. The King, Mario, and Zelda along with many others have defeated Ganon.)
Link is the current standing Hero of Hyrule. He was preceded by himself and will be succeeded by himself. His CD-i generation is represented on Youchew Trading Card #3.
Skills[edit]
Link is skilled in the art of combat, and is a master swordsman and marksman. As mentioned below he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has the ability to carry a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is an adept of the legendary Duckwalk maneuver. Cool, huh?
On the other hand, he sucks at using crossbows, has questionable intelligence and poor social skills.
Diet[edit]
Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an Octorok.
Sexual Orientation[edit]
It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with Gwonam at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had sex with Zelda, Impa, and Lady Alma many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual and doesn't really care (Like an amoeba).
Still, he did enjoy that hug from Cremia quite a bit...
Possessions[edit]
- His Sword
- Lamp Oil
- Rope
- Bombs
- A Lightsaber
- Lotsa Guns
- Young & Anal 15 video tape
- The King's Chalice
- Boomerang
- Bow & Arrow
- Various Masks
- Iron Boots
- An Octorok
Likes[edit]
- Zelda
- Impa
- Sonic's games
- Sega Genesis
- Xbox 360
- Nintendo Wii
- The Philips CD-i
- Atari 2600
- Sega Dreamcast
- PS3 (Doesn't have one though.)
- Gwonam
- Bombs
- Guns
- Tits
- Rubies
- Consuming rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.
- KISS.
Dislikes[edit]
- Doraemon
- The Delilah Show
- Chad Warden
- Ronald McDonald (Hell, who doesn't?)
- The Chintendo Vii
- Spoons
Memorable Quotes[edit]
Link ...
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Link I won!
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Link Gee! It sure is boring around here!
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Link What are all those heads?
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Link I guess I better get going!
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Link I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!
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Link Great! I'll grab my stuff!
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Link Hey! Excuuuuuuse me, Princess!
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Link I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!
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Link I just wonder what Ganon's up to.
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Link Golly!
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Link It's a Gohma!
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Link (Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!
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Link Fine, jeez!
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Link
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Link I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.
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Link I just wonder what Bali's up to.
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Link Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.
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Link Looks like we're in trouble, princess! (Said in a African-like voice.)
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Link (After seeing the 90's Kid using his Sega Genesis like a boombox.) I guess I better get rid of this Sega!
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Link That old King is EVIL!
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Link Has one and one consumption?
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Link It's quite an army of Heart.
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Link Oh boy! I'm a boy!
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Link Don't talk shit, you didn't do anything!
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Link Fuck you, King! I'm on strike!
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Link I'm gay!
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Link That old Ganon's boring and the King is gay!
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Link When I'm crouching, you can make me do the duck walk!
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Link You wanna fight, fat boy?! I'll piss on your head!
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Link What happened?
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Link Great!
Trivia[edit]
- Link is part Saiyan, or part Aryan. Same thing.
- Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
- Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
- Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by M. Bison.
- His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
- Even though he is a Nintendo character, he wants a Playstation 3 because he claims he "can't use the [[[Wii]]'s] controller."
- He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, Squadala Burger, in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
- He has his size 11 feet.
- Had a short-lived career as the guitarist of the Zora band The Indigo-Go's until the other band members discovered he actually stole the identity of the true guitarist, then deceased.
- According to Screwattack, Link's sword is enough for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
- Also, like Darth Vader, Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soulcalibur IV, Link also appeared in Soulcalibur II (Along with Spawn and Heihachi Mishima of the Tekken series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of the game, Link in the GameCube version.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu
havehad the same voice actor. - His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
- Once got a hug from Cremia. He enjoyed it greatly.
- Can't use a crossbow for shit, so he uses the Wii Zapper.
- When his head detaches from his body, he transforms into the fabled "Link's Floating Head of Benevolence".
- One time, he went to face Ganon with just bombs! Guess Gwonam was wrong about his sword after all.
- When Link skydives, he's usually shown shocked at what's actually above him!
- When the King once demanded Link to take his damn clothes off, he accepted his proposal. You can see him naked right here.
- {\King Harkinian often asks Link to scrub all the floors in Hyrule, or else he is taken away to the pit. However, Link enjoys this because the pit is apparently filled with lotsa spaghetti.
- He bombed the V of Doom with a C4 disguised as a Virtual Boy Controller.
