King Harkinian

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King Scott Harkinian Striviquadivarius Hyrule, better known as simply The King, is the noble ruler of the land of Hyrule and one of the most key characters in the YouTube Poop universe. He loves talking to and about his boi, Link. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, Duke Onkled. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of Ganon, but when the king was rescued by Zelda, he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed and rebuilt several times over the years. The whims of a monarch are absolute, so no one can stop him when he puts his mind to something. Being the proud owner of weapons, vehicles, doodads, and even trademarked goods in his name, there's always something going down within the castle walls. He was featured on Youchew Trading Card #95, a Gold Tier card, bearing the following description:

"Benevolent, charismatic, ever-merciful, and always promptly announcing his next source of action, the King of Hyrule is a peace-loving soul whose command is absolute. His kingly position enables him to do anything he sets his mind to, and with a hearty laugh, he takes full advantage of it. Thus, there's always something going down within the castle walls, and with him being the owner of various weapons, vehicles and gadgets to toy with, it's a wonder why Link ever gets bored living there. Not the brightest of monarchs, but everyone loves him anyway."

He is also the star of Geibuchan's The King's Epic Adventure, itself featured on Youchew Trading Card #80, making him distinctive in being one of the very few characters to appear on and be the focus of more than a single card (alongside the undisputed Fat Mario, who appears on a total of 3 cards including Toast(#2), Fat Mario & Gay Luigi(#61), and YTPMV(#72), 4 if Luigi's Chinese Cowboy Impression(#39) is counted.) TKEA's card description reads this:

"At the highest level of authority in Hyrule, his castle's dinner preparations are the finest in all existence. So grand is his taste in fine cuisine, he can shit the very essance of paradiso itself, doubling as the best full-course meal in the world! The King embarks on a thrilling adventure to prove this to the cosmos, and with the aid of Solid Snake and Otacon, he'll never rest until the job is finished. However he's more than willing to assist any poor soul he meets along the way. No matter the odds, or what giant boss he has to face, he bravely jumps headfirst into battle and shakes off anything thrown at him. Whether it be the Triforce of Courage or raw determination backing him up, he'll use his shit to show the masters of the multiverse the light, or kill till the last one has fallen! Onwards, brave King! Your destiny awaits!"

Early Life

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The King's parents.

Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born in 1961, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Areas of Expertise

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A portrait fit for a king!

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A salvaged cereal box. A true relic of the '80s.

• The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, dinner, or certain bodily fluids.
• The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
• The King also has a Wii, but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst Wario Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
• He rocks at Guitar Hero. Zelda dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
• His dinners are one of The Seven Wonders of the World
• He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but Gay Luigi keeps interrupting him. M. Bison thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and Glutko thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
• When The King says "In the morning", bells can be heard in the background. This could mean that he is somehow able to conceal bells inside of his chin. That, or he has superb hearing skills.
• Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
• It is rumored that he trained Xuchilbara in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
• Vorhias managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
• It is heavily suspected The King is a hard drinker. He usually drinks when talking about his "boy", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
• The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in Hyrule. The other person is Link.
• The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
• Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was Morshu's Dinner Palace, eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly Rick Rolled The King every time he tried to eat.
• Before he became the King of Hyrule, he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called "Mein Junge." He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
• He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his ship. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
• The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a Triforce symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
• During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
• His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting Impa who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while someone uses the Book of Koridai. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
• It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets Zelda get captured during the night by Ganon, and he's always leaving on useless trips to Gamelon where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!

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The Dinner Blaster.

• Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass Destruction, which was made illegal in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots cheeseburgers which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. Robotnik, Fat Mario, Gay Luigi and Link have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
• The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by that other king, until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
• That old Ganon's no match for him.

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Season's greetings from the king.

The King, Link, Gwonam, and Zelda when they finally have their acclaimed dinner.

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The King in real life

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The King's eye problem, similar to that of Mayor Kravindish.

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The King in his 1946 DeSoto.

Drug Abuse

Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and Sonic were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of Sonic Sez as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

Likes

• Queen Harkinian
• Dinner
  • Food in general.
• Link
• Arguing with Zelda
• Torturing Duke Onkled
• Dancing with Ganon
• Saying "My Boy"
• Telling people to scrub stuff.
• Laughing
• Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
• Evanescence
• KFC
• His Ship
• The number 4
• Playing his Wii.
• His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!
• Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
• Duke Onkled's Diner
• Talking about shipt
• Morshu's Dinner Palace
• Guitar Hero
• His cars (especially his Toyota)
• Scatman
• Mad Men (The TV series)
• Mad Boi's (In General)
• Whinefeld (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that Robin thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
• Cars (The Movie)
• Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
• Fishing
• Giving unreasonable demands
• Stealing Gwonam's X-Wing

Dislikes

• Not having dinner
• Ganon
• Zelda, however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking sex from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
• Snacks
• Potato chips
• Froggo
• Joseph Stalin, that commie piece of shit!
• Adolf Hitler,as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
• Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
• The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
• Big Cheese (See Zeus)
• Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
• His other pet Fluffy.
• Trabants (he says that they are pieces of shit.)
• Willy Wonka (he is causing children to not eat their dinner).
• Squadala Burger
• Gwonam's Pizzeria
• Hamlet
• Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced Morshu's Dinner Palace)
• Rock Band (Link plays it all the time)
• Rosebud Frozen Peas
• Blotto Bros. Wine
• I. Fleecem (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
• Gwonam once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and Gwonam laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced Gwonam to scrub the floor where he threw up. Gwonam said it was worth it.
• Slamming his penis in a door.

Quotes

King Harkinian MAH BOI!

King Harkinian This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!

King Harkinian Four!

King Harkinian I wonder what's for dinner?

King Harkinian You're finally becoming a man, boy.

King Harkinian After you scrub all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!

King Harkinian HMMMM...how can we help?

King Harkinian Zelda, Duke Onkled is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.

King Harkinian Did somebody say "dinner"?

King Harkinian If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.

King Harkinian ENOUGH!

King Harkinian My ship sails in the morning.*bells ringing*

King Harkinian You saved me!

King Harkinian Zelda, I'm under attack by the evil forces of Ganon.

King Harkinian Don't talk shit, what's for my fucking dinner?

King Harkinian Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!

King Harkinian I saved myself!!

King Harkinian I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!

King Harkinian Zelda, I'm always talking about dinner.

King Harkinian HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.

King Harkinian Link, I ate fish for dinner.

King Harkinian Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.

King Harkinian Don't talk about time to me, boy!

King Harkinian I'm going to get dinner!

King Harkinian Is anyone hungry? 'Cuz I'm going to shit myself!

King Harkinian Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.

King Harkinian Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?

King Harkinian Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!

King Harkinian Dropped the ball!

King Harkinian Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of Drug. Aren't going to come along.

King Harkinian Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!

King Harkinian Mercy? This is Hyrule!

King Harkinian Zelda, the floor is under my feet.

King Harkinian Ganon's the hero of Hyrule!

King Harkinian I'm going to rub Link's dick.

King Harkinian I'm not gay, I just like a-sex!

King Harkinian Screw Link!

King Harkinian Yes, I'm the king of Hyrule! I'm having a-sex with Duke Onkled!

King Harkinian No, Link, I'm going to aide Duke Onkled. If you don't hear from me in a month, save me!

King Harkinian Yes!

King Harkinian Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

The King and his daughter after seeing his own article.