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Duke Onkled

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas

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Name: Duke Onkled
Sex: Male
Age: 40 (at time of death)
Nationality: English
Occupation(s): Duke of Gamelon, Traitor

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.
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Duke Onkled's taking a very long and very huge shit.
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The Demoman staring in horror upon the brutal execution of Duke Onkled.


Duke Onkled was the ruler of Gamelon from 1997-1993.

In his allegiance to Ganon, Duke Onkled gave the King of Hyrule over to Ganon in turn for fortune and overall material wealth. Once Zelda rescued the King from Ganon, Duke Onkled's alliance with Ganon was shattered and Duke Onkled was placed at the mercy of the King. As punishment for his treason towards the King he was ordered to scrub all of the floors in Hyrule, an order that was only put to an end upon Onkled's death (see below).

Duke Onkled has a problem with constipation, causing him to constantly grimace.

Cultural Heritage: UK


Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

D-don't hurt me Zelda!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

I'll tell you the secret way into Reesong Palace.

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Go all the way left and move the rock, This Key opens the gate.

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Please, your omnipotence, have mercy!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

No. Go fuck a goat. Go fuck yourself. I'll tell your omnipotence you rape me.

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Go all the way left and suck the cock.

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Hurt me Zelda!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Semen opens the gate!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Morshu, sperm please!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Your omnipotence, suck me off!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

Link, please! Aide me!

Duke Onkled Duke Onkled

I feel your cock in my ass!


  • Owned the successful restaurant "Duke Onkled's Diner" which nearly ran Squadallah Burger out of business.
  • Apparently dressed better than his cousin.
  • Owned one of the largest keys in history.
  • Had scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule numerous times for being a traitor to His Majesty.
  • Once scrubbed the King of Hyrule for pussy.
  • Doesn't his mustache look like a turd?


Duke Onkled died on February 17, 1993 at the hands of King Harkinian's hangmen at a public execution. This is despite the pleadings of the Duke for mercy to the King. Approximately three years later, he was posthumously declared innocent of all accused charges, and his family was legally reimbursed. King Harkinian had no comment on the issue. It is presumed that nobody cares enough to involve themselves any further into this matter.