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Name: Spy
Appears In: Team Fortress 2
Sex: Male
DOB: 1919 (age 103–104) (Was 49 during the game)
Nationality: French
Occupation(s): Spy/Agent
Played By: Dennis Bateman

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.


The Spy is one of the nine classes featured in the Valve game, Team Fortress 2. Some of his weapons include a knife, revolver, sapper (SPYS SAPPIN MAH SENTRY), and cigarettes used to disguise as the opposite team's classes... before the Pyro flames his ass.



  • Revolver: A slow-firing, but rather powerful and accurate version of the usual pistol. Doubles for a dildo.
  • Sapper: This device can attach to and slowly destroy an Engineer's buildings and can also be used as a Defibrillator if necessary.
  • Knife: A butterfly knife bought at the dollar store, the preferred weapon of Spies.
  • Disguise Kit: Allows the Spy to transform into his enemies, and successfully pull off identity theft.
  • Cloaking Device: A convenient device in the form of a watch that temporarily cloaks you, great for sneaking past opponents and for the "Glance and Go" pervert. Unfortunately does not tell time.


  • The Ambassador: A diplomat from France in the form of a revolver sent to aid the Spy in blowing people's heads off. Crits on accurate headshot, But fires slower and does less damage. Replaces the usual Revolver.
  • The "Cloak and Dagger": A Cloaking Device replacement that allows you to remain invisible for as long as you want, so long as you stay still. Perfect for waiting for an opportunity and the "Locker Room" pervert. Does not tell time.
  • The "Dead Ringer": When you're shot, you leave behind a fake corpse while going invisible. Replaces the Cloaking Device, great brass pocketwatch finish! Used to tell time, but it broke.
  • Wanga Prick: A rather large voodoo-pin with the haunted ability to instantly steal the identity of whoever it kills! Yeah, works just like the Eternal Reward. Replaces the Knife.
  • Snack Attack: A tamed mutated bread monster that does what the Sapper does: Eat machinery. Need some more iron in your diet? This bread monster thinks so!


  • L'Etranger: A stylish revolver that extends the cloaking meter and regenerates it on every hit. Damn. He's gone faster than--*backstab*. Replaces the Revolver.
  • Your Eternal Reward: Despite sacrificing the ability to disguise, this stylish knife kills silently and disguises the Spy as his victim. The hard part is trying to avoid being seen after uncloaking. Replaces the Knife.
  • Conniver's Kunai: Fandom rejoice as the fabled ninja weapon comes to the game! Though it heals the Spy through backstabs, he has less health to begin with. Use with caution. Replaces the Knife.
  • Enforcer: Deals extra damage for putting down anyone who catches you, especially those highly alert long as you can extinguish yourself easily afterwards. Replaces the Revolver.
  • Big Earner: Gives cloak charge on a backstab, for efficient returning to the shadows. Replaces the Knife.
  • Diamondback: Not to be mistaken for a breed of snake, this Revolver gains crits for every backstab and every building the Spy saps...oh hang on, Spah sappin' mah--! *shot with critical hit*
  • Spy-cicle: An icicle. Don't laugh yet. It might not look like much, but its backstab turns victims into ice. Also, if lit on fire, it provides protection against fire for 2 seconds, at the cost that the icicle melts and temporarily disarms him. Replaces the Knife.


  • Big Kill: Functions the same as the Revolver, but is just a different skin. Nothing special.
  • Enthusiast's Timepiece: A Pac-man themed watch that you must murder the owner to obtain. It serves the same purpose of sneaking and "Glance And Go" but is built for the hardcore gamer in all of us. Does tell time, but not when in use by the Spy.
  • Sharp Dresser: A cleverly hidden knife in the sleeve. The preferred weapon of Spies of surprise.
  • Black Rose: The standard knife with rose patterns on the blade. For the lethal lover in every many re-skins. Good God.
  • Red-Tape Recorder: Chinese ingenuity brings you a one-of-a-kind construction-reversing tape recorder for easy storage and transport of your buildings! (Not really. You just lost your sentry and it's free ammo for the Spy who put that recorder on it).
  • Quäckenbirdt: A German-developed watch with a picture of a duck on it. Go ahead and laugh if you must, but once he sneaks past you and backstabs you with it, you'll never want to go to the park ever again. We're not sure if it tells time or not.
  • Ap-Sap: A sentient AI Sapper developed by Aperture Science for the purpose of hacking into and destroying machinery. Provides countless hours of completely inconspicuous chit-chat to entertain you as you break contraptions and piss off Engineers.


  • Saxxy: Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old Saxton said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Functions just like the Knife, but a blunt golden hat-shaped end? Kills instantly? From behind? Mind = Blown.

Special Note: When the Spy wields L'Etranger and the Eternal Reward plus a hat called the "Familiar Fez" together, special particle effects appear when taunting.





Spy Spy


Spy Spy

"That would be your mother."

Spy Spy

"I am ze Spy."

Spy Spy

"And worst of all, he could be any one of us."

Spy Spy

"Ah, mon petit chou-fleur."

Spy Spy

"Well, off to visit your mother!"

Spy Spy

"I never really was on your side..."

Spy Spy


Spy Spy

"Well, off to rape your mother!"

Spy Spy

"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?" *Laughs*

Spy Spy

"You are such a virgin."

Spy Spy

"This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!"

Spy Spy

"And I murdered your toys, too!"

Spy Spy

"He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be..." *Shot*

Spy Spy

"I have been shown, who is the boss!"

Spy Spy

"Well, this was a disappointment..."

Spy Spy

"Leave me hanging and you will regret it."

The Spy always dies, you know.


  • Him and the blue Engineer are the best of lovers.
  • Loves to sneak up behind unsuspecting snipers.
  • Also likes corn.
  • The RED Spy is the BLU Scout's father, as well as the genetic father of various others.
  • Frequently produces pornography with your mother.
  • Also stars in pornography with the Scout's mother.
  • He never really was on your side.
  • He has sex with the Administrator numerous times.
  • Is especially cruel to everyone.
  • Knows Scout's embarrassing secret: he cries upon seeing rainbows.
  • Also knows a secret about Slippy Toad that could cost him his job if it got out.
  • Not related to the two colour spies (White Spy and Black Spy) from Spy Vs. Spy, it was his favourite comic and game though.
  • One of his ancestors was Napoleon.
  • Brentalfloss thinks that he is fucking bullshit.
  • The BLU Spy's head currently resides inside of the Medic's refrigerator, where he chain smokes all day, and begs for the Medic to kill him.
  • He fluently speaks Spanish and Italian.
  • Interestingly, he knows how to build a dispenser.
  • And now he's here to fuck us! OH SHI-