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Angry Video Game Nerd
From Chewiki Archive - YouChew:
1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
This article is filed under Characters.A character used by Randomizer742 in one of his poops, and has gone on to be used by others as well. He was formerly known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd.
Description
The Angry Video Game Nerd is a 30-year-old nerd played by James Rolfe who reviews shitty games from the '70s, the '80s, and the '90s. He's gonna take you back to the past, and play the shitty games that suck ass. These games are so bad, he'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear, or eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer. He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard, he's the angry Nintendo nerd, the angry Atari, Sega nerd, but most of all, the Angry Video Game... Nerd.
Quotes
- This is the equivalent of shit taking a shit!
- Fuck!
- FUCK!
- FUUUUUCK!!!!!
- ASS!
- Lick my shit, Nostalgia Critic!
- Lick my balls, you piece of shit Nostalgia Critic!
- When I found out there was a [Transformers] movie, I was just about to shit my Transformers underwear!
- This game... is HORRENDOUS!
- Holy shit! It's SPIDER-MAN!
- It's really one of the things we need for birth control.
- Looks like Superman is stroking his super dick!
- Legend of My ASS!!!
- This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!
- Wow. I'm playing Top Gun with the Power Glove. It's like puking on a pile of shit!
- Cr(y)itical Bypass: It's critical of you to bypass this game.
- It's a Nintoaster...and yes, it works.
The Nerd is a winner of this award for having the Best Online Web Series around. It's even better than the Nostalgia Critic's Web Series!
- Out of the way, you fucking ghosts. Here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon!
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SOLD THIS SHITFEST FOR $199!! That's about how much it costs for a video game console! Pretty much. You could take $199, stand on a bridge, and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken-down, dysfuntional disaster of video game programming, with games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in midair, problems with proportion, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuckton of other things!! It should've been illegal for them to sell this rotting shitload of putrid fuck for any price. I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude!
- The jury wages jump over them all.
- It's like you've given up on election day!
- It's a Clubber Fuck!
- This game sucks monkey fuck! ("Sucks monkey fuck!")
- You want some shit!? BOMBS AWAY, BUNNY BITCH!
- I don't believe it. Huf, I just..can't believe it! That...this is even less playable than the NES version! You'd think by now they'd come back down to Earth and UNFUCK THEMSELVES!! ...But you what the really good news is? I'M DONE WITH ACTION 52!!!
- What the ass?!
- So here's my big comeback to you, Nostalgia Critic... ya suck.
- Now you might be thinking "Aw, is that his comeback? Is that all he's got?" Well, no. I've got more. You're a poopy head!
- CRITIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!
- Then Steve Urkel shows up and I'm like, 'what the fuck is this?!'
- Well, it was a blowout all right... a blow out your ass!
- OH MY GOD! IT'S BUGS BUNNY! BUGS FUCKING BUNNY!!
- Ain't you a goddamn fucking piece of shit!
- Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout!? How 'bout Bugs Bunny's Birthday BEATING!?
The only way he has a reaction like this is if he sees an upside-down fuckin' chicken mask.
- FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! ...Fuck! I didn't say "fire", I said "fuck"! Fuck! Fuckfire! Fuck! Fuck! ASS! (You can say anything!) Shit! Bitch! Cunt! Fuck! Fart! Fuck! Heh, wow! I just shot down a duck by saying fuck!
- All right, that's it. I've had enough with this game! I'd rather press my face against a hippopotamus's butt while it muck spreads! That's when a hippo takes a shit, rather than allowing the shit to drop from its anus, it puts its tail against its asscrack, waving it back and forth and shredding the shit all over the place. That's how much fun this game is! It's like putting a turd in a fan, or a bandsaw. You just don't do it!
- It is neither chocolate nor is it poop; it's shit!
- Duck! Wow, I just shot down a fuck by saying duck!
- I'm drinking Rolling Rock... on the Rock and Roller! You son of a bitch.
- We haven't even gotten through the credits yet, and this game is already a pile of monkey fuck.
- A FUCKIN' CHICKEN MASK! An upside-down fuckin' chicken mask!!
- This nerd makes me look like Charles Bronson!
- Steve Urkel could beat the shit out of this guy!
- I'd rather fuck the Wicked Witch of the West!
- I'd rather play a CD-i game!
- Your three toads are named "Rash", "Pimple" and "Zitz". Why such disgusting names!? How about "Herpes", "Genital Warts", and "Gonorrhea"?!
- Cowabunga. Cowa-FUCKING PIECE OF DOG SHIT! This game is diarrhea coming from my dick! This game is as appealing as a fucking ooze-infested dirty fucking sewer rat shit! I've had more fun playing with dog turds! Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls! This game is an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter. I'd rather fucking yank all the hairs out of my scrotum! I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of buffalo's anus! It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit... and I don't like it.
- Wow, um, the number has definitely changed. And we now have a Nintendo game that gives a phone number to a sex hotline. That is fucking awesome!
- I am dead fucking serious. Dead. Fucking. Serious.
- I think I get it. Why, it's the best game ever made. It's more than a game! It exposes the dual nature of the human spirit. The only way to win the game is to be Jekyll, but you wanna be Hyde so you can shoot shit! You see, it's a constant battle between good and evil, and Jekyll must stay farther along his path than Hyde. If Hyde gains the lead, then evil will triumph over good, and that's the true conflict of the human soul! And to deny the evil completely would only force it into the subconcious mind, like a city broken into different social classes: people don't wanna step outside their own boundaries, like Jekyll wandering into the wrong section of town, he's unwelcome! Nevertheless, he must abide by his own good nature. No wonder the cane doesn't work! The game does not reward you for acting upon your malevolent intentions! It's a proposed guideline for a set of morality rules to be programmed into real life! It uses the Victorian Era as a fundamental depiction of outward respectiability and inward lust, it's a metaphor for social and geographical fragmentation! It eludes the Freud theory of repression in which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from the concious mind and left to operate on their own in the unconcious... Or, you could just say, the game fucking sucks!
- A tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha, that's all, fucks!
Trivia
- Ass
- The reasons why he changed his name to the Angry Video Game Nerd are because it's hard to merchandise stuff when you have an official company's name on it and it's also due to the fact that he reviews video games from other systems made by people like Atari, Sega, Commodore, and even stuff from the arcades believe it or not.
- He shouts ASS a lot. This is a result of his love of ASS, since he's an ASSoholic.
- He hates "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" a lot.
- He currently lives in Narberth, PA.
- He wants to kill Jessica Rabbit from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
- He once lost to Glass Joe with the Power Glove. He Once Lost To GLASS JOE With The POWER GLOVE!!!
- Has teamed up with Captain S, and no, the S does not stand for Suck or Shit (However, rumors say that Captain S is a ripoff of Captain N, only cornier.).
- Loves punching spiders & bitch-slapping snakes.
- Known practitioner of the Falcon Punch, revealed in Get Punched By The Nintendo Nerd!!
- Made his own poop in his review of the "Sega CD," which was an add on for the Sega Genesis.
- Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Spider-Man, Bugs Bunny, LeatherFace, Michael Myers, & The Lion from The Wizard of Oz, among many others were guest stars in his videos. Yet, he was disappointed that some naked chick didn't hump the crap out of him.
- He was once kidnapped by a crazed fan/hippie and a hillbilly. Includes LeatherFace.
- Once babysat some kids on Halloween while fighting Michael Myers.
- Has killed Brock Samson before.
- Has killed Jason Voorhees & Freddy Krueger, yet he was too weak to defeat Michael Myers, so he let the two kids he was babysitting defeat him by themselves.
- Once kept on punching the shit out of Bugs Bunny until he broke his thumb to fight Rocky Balboa.
- He also once took a shit on Bugs Bunny in his "Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout" review. However, Bugs Bunny got his revenge when he took a shit on the AVGN in the "Bugs Bunny's/Woody Woodpecker's Crazy Castle" series' review.
- Sometimes, whenever a video game is really, really, really bad, he can destroy it in random ways (Such as putting one NES game of a popular movie that I'm sure everyone & their mothers know of into a toaster as an example.).
- He hates the Tourettes Guy because the Tourettes Guy hates AVGN (and said he looked an ASS in his Nintendo accessory battlegear.
- He also hates the Irate Gamer for stealing his idea & copying it as his own.
- Temporarily Swapped Bodies with the Nostalgia Critic when a possessed Jeri Katou caused a giant rift in the space continium, though how the damage was undone has yet to be made publicly known.
- Despite his song saying that he does Nintendo, Atari, and Sega reviews, he actually once reviewed a shitty Playstation game in Independant's Day (Which was indeed a shitty movie.).
- He finally died by touching his own fucking door at the end of his Dragon's Lair game for the NES review.
- He came back to life as The Angry Zombie Nerd.
His favorite video game ever is Analogic (Especially if it has Game AIDS.)
This is what the AVGN believes Comic-Con should be called starting today.
- As The Zombie Nerd he reviewed Wii games and died again.
- Sometimes, he likes to call Spider-Man "Shit-Man".
- Has a parody rightfully called the "Happy Video Game Nerd".
- Once teamed up with The Terminator to kill GasmaskAvenger & Princess Sally Acorn.
- He finally reviewed Hotel Mario, Link: Faces of Evil, Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, Zelda's Adventure, and, well, the entire Phillips CD-i in general; sadly, he did not once mention the Youtube Poop usage it was having at all.
- Laughed all crazy-like when he saw that scene in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon when that one guy said "YOU KILLED ME!!!!!!" and Zelda said "Good!".
- Was once interviewed by Ganondorf Dragmire, via late night talk show style. This interview didn't involve anything about his character whatsoever, but it involved a movie that he was making called "The Night of the Vampire", which would come out on January 12, 3004. However, Ganondorf kept intervining with him about the title being "Assholeless", "Assholefull", and later on, "The Unholy Ass".
- Is rivals with the Nostalgia Critic.
- One of his episodes was dedicated to telling people who are watching his show the story of Atari about their rise with the Atari 2600, their fall with the Atari 5200, their time trying to beat Nintendo and Sega with the Atari 7800 and the Atari Lynx, and their final fall towards making consoles with the Atari Jaguar.
- Might have inadvertely created a new meme on his Atari Jaguar games review, in which the giant green female head from "Cybermorph" said in a mocking fashion "Where did you learn to fly?".
- He once took a shit on the Atari Jaguar, or at least its CD add-on.
- He once created a super hero out of many empty beer carrier. Yep, you guessed it. He created the superhero known as Beer Man. His specialty involves making everyone party with beer.
- Would fight with Super Mecha Death Christ 2,000 B.C. Ver. 3.0 Beta to defeat Satan's copy of Super Mario Bros. 3. Satan would get majorly pissed off about that and fights them for the death of his Super Mario Bros. 3 game, but it doesn't work out too well for him.
- Unexpectedly saw the Nostalgia Critic again in Chicago, and so, they fought the final battle once and for all. However, unexpected help came from both sides from both parties, such as Benzaie, former Screwattack employee Handsome Tom, Linkara, ThatAussieGuy (Who would get fired after the fight.), Kyle Justin, Sean Fausz/hopewithinchaos (Known by many as the Epic Fail guy.), TheSpoonyOne, Marzgurl, Angry Joe, Little Miss Gamer, Paw Dugan, ThatChickWithTheGoggles, Chester A. Bum, and just about everyone on the Nostalgia Critic's website that isn't ThatDudeInTheSuede, as well as a grown up Ma-Ti.
- Tried to rekill the Nostalgia Critic by taking some of his partners (mostly those who play video games) and gangmurder the shit out of him. Luckily, he had a few partners of his own.
- In the end, they both settled for a truce and both the AVGN and the Nostalgia Critic did a review of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Making of Their Coming Out of Their Shells Tour.
- Once punched Linkara for screaming "ADAMANTIUM RAGE!!!" at his face. That, and for punching Kirby and throwing his Sega Genesis on his bed while screaming the exact same thing.
- Is really close to owning all the NES games ever created (Including all the European-only and Japanese-only games.).
- Reminds people countless times that he hates LJN.
- Has been to Comic-Con a couple of times, especially the one where he got screwed over by "The Twilight Line", where Twilight fantards where in a huge-ass line that screwed over many a person. He stated that Comic-Con should be changed into "Line-Con."
- Has usually been able to review a certain (few) video game(s) during the time a movie of some certain thing's about to be released.
- He once reviewed a Japanese-only game called Transformers: Convoy (Though that's mistaken on the cartridge as Comvoy.) no Nazo (Which translates to Transformers: The Mystery of Optimus Prime in English.) for the Famicom/Family Computer, which is the Japanese version of the NES/Nintendo Entertainment System. That means that all regions of video games that are just plain shitty aren't safe from the wrath of the almighty Angry Video Game Nerd.
- In the same review of Transformers: Convoy no Nazo, he drank some of Billy Mitchell's (Who's the champion of video games.) special hot sauce. He did it because he believed that it would help him gain some of his special video gaming powers to help him through this game.
- Mattel Electronics Presents: B-17 BAWMBER!
- Mattel Electronics Presents: BONG SQUAD!!!
- His real name is hinted to be James.
- The Happy Video Game Nerd says that the Angry Video Game Nerd is his brother.
- According to himself, Super Mario Bros. 3 = You going to Hell.
- Whenever he just gets bored and video games and movies don't do the trick, he becomes the man named Board James (You get it?). Board James just reviews board games, whether they be good or bad.
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The AVGN's ready for the next time the AVGN Hippie/Fan comes crashing by during one of his reviews.
- Also, whenever he finds something that's just plain bullshitty, he becomes the Bullshit Man.
- Made a tribute video for Michael Jackson during his death.
- Was not needed when James Rolfe wanted to review the new Ghostbusters game for the Xbox 360, the Playstation 3, and the Nintendo Wii.
- Got flabbergasted when he found out that in the NES' version of Mario Is Missing!, you have to return King Kong to the Empire State Building because the Koopas, or in this case, "Kleptomanicial Koopas," apparently stole him from there and put him in a normal-sized money bag.
- He also got sensory deprivation at the end of his Mario Is Missing!/Mario's Time Machine (Both for the NES and the SNES versions and not the PC version.) review.
- He thinks that the weirdest games that he'd ever seen in his life are Attack of The Mutant Penguins for the Atari Jaguar and Plumbers Don't Wear Ties for the Panasonic 3DO. (Don't you think it's just weird and perfect that these types of games only appeared on the shitty consoles?)
- He loves Rocky, and even made a documentary where he toured the locations in Philadelphia seen in the Rocky movies, which was called "Rocky Jumped a Park Bench".
- Hates the Sega Master System game, though, and even threw it down the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (Which are the Rocky steps, you dumbass.).
- Was once mistaken by daedreamer87 as John Rolfe.
- Because the Magnavox Odyssey wasn't single-player compatible, he made a clone of himself from his own feces in order to play it. This clone was known only as "The Nerdy Turd".
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The nerd is shocked - SHOCKED! - to meet his rivals in Angry Joe and TheSpoonyOne at E3.
- When he found out that the Godzilla from modern times were much better than those of the NES and SNES times, he yelled every curse word that he knew. However, when he ran out of swear words to say, he decided to come up with a new curse for himself. Fortunately (or rather unfortunately), those who are young to curse have it lucky because he decided that the public shouldn't need to hear that word.
- One Halloween, he decided that it's going to go in overtime when decided to review all the Castlevania games from the NES all the way into the Nintendo 64 and Playstation times.
- He thought that it was strange that Super Noah's Ark 3-D and Little Red Hood were the only two games that needed another cartridge on top of them in order to play them correctly.
- His favorite movie is "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" by Stanley Kubrick.
- With that said, the worst movie that he's ever reviewed was "Ricky 1", a "parody" of the Rocky series.
- Action 52 had actually shat him out once.
- One time, when the Glitch Gremlin made his debut, he made a mini-YouTube Poop of his own intro.
- As a child, he once beat one of the last bosses in Megaman V while it was glitched. He stated that he should've gotten a medal for it.
- When he was asked of what the worst game he's played that he hasn't reviewed or doesn't to review in SGC of 2010, he said that if he has a good computer to use, he would end up reviewing the shitstorm that was "Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing."
- During his Back To The Future trilogy review, he went and took a look back at games that he once reviewed back when the Angry Video Game Nerd was the Angry Nintendo Nerd. His look-backs were from Top Gun, Back To The Future (of course), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which he did in October.
- After revisiting the Back to the Future games, he discovered that there is one good Back to the Future game, but that it was only released in Japan, which, of course, pissed him off, as every single game released in the United States sucked horribly.
- The AVGN once joked about how he wanted to re-do some of his reviews like how George Lucas re-did some of his Star Wars films.
- He once inadvertently beat Zelda II: The Adventure of Link while using the Power Glove and talking about how good, yet impossibly hard it is. It was actually after saying that the Power Glove would make it impossible that he ended up beating the final boss with it.
- The AVGN will have his own movie coming out soon. Yes.
- You want to know how he makes his videos? Well, just click here, and you'll know all that's necessary for him to make a basic video game review.
