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Difference between revisions of "Masturbation"

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
 
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Masturbation is the act of playing with one's sexual organs. For men, it only requires one's hand (most [[Donald Duck|of]] [[Edd|the]] [[Mario Head|time]]) and one's [[penis]]. For women, a [[Chad Warden|dildo]] is used to masturbate, or one can use their fingers. Masturbation strictly excludes any partners, otherwise it becomes [[sex]]. However, one can make others masturbate, but that would probably be called molestation. There have been a few rumours that if one masturbates too much, they will get hairy palms or go blind. Then again, these people are probably saying this for propaganda's sake.
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[[Image:6rn6eh.gif|frame|right|Now [[Hank Hill|some people]] have [[no]] respect for their private matters, I tell ya what.]]
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Masturbation is the act of playing with one's sexual organs until it reaches an [[Cum|orgasm]]. For men, a fleshlight can be used, but, it only requires one's hand (most [[Donald Duck|of]] [[Edd|the]] [[Mario Head|time]]) and one's [[penis]]. For women, a [[Chad Warden|dildo]] is used to masturbate, or one can use their fingers. Masturbation strictly excludes any partners, otherwise it becomes [[sex]]. However, one can make others masturbate, but that would probably be called molestation. There have been a few rumours that if one masturbates too much, they will get hairy palms or go blind. Then again, these people are probably saying this for propaganda's sake. One who masturbates is a wanker.
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Do not confuse it with mastication.
  
 
==Places/Situations In Which One Would Masturbate==
 
==Places/Situations In Which One Would Masturbate==
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*In one's basement.
 
*In one's basement.
 
*While driving, if one is good at multitasking.
 
*While driving, if one is good at multitasking.
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*In [[Pennsylvania]]
 
*[[Yes|Definitely not in public, I'll tell you what. Infact, if one ever does that, even in the dark, they will be just like]] [[Pee-Wee Herman|Paul Reubens.]]
 
*[[Yes|Definitely not in public, I'll tell you what. Infact, if one ever does that, even in the dark, they will be just like]] [[Pee-Wee Herman|Paul Reubens.]]
  
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*[[Gwonam]]
 
*[[Gwonam]]
 
*[[George Volcano]]
 
*[[George Volcano]]
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*[[Kagura]]
 
*[[E. Honda|That one fat sumo wrestler that I can't remember.]]
 
*[[E. Honda|That one fat sumo wrestler that I can't remember.]]
 
*[[Mama Luigi]] ((S)he especially loves making [[Yoshi]] masturbate before bedtime.)
 
*[[Mama Luigi]] ((S)he especially loves making [[Yoshi]] masturbate before bedtime.)
 
*[[Optimus Prime]] (He's got The Touch!)
 
*[[Optimus Prime]] (He's got The Touch!)
 
*[[Mario Head]]
 
*[[Mario Head]]
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*[[Patrick Stewart]] (He thinks it's fantastic, going as far as to call his addiction "Masturbation sensation")
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*[[Patrick Stewart]] (He thinks it's fantastic, going as far as to call his addiction "Masturbation sensation".)
 
*[[Chris-Chan]]
 
*[[Chris-Chan]]
 
*Harry Slime
 
*Harry Slime
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*The makers of the [[Power Glove]], if the [[Angry Video Game Nerd]] is to be believed.
 +
*Machoke
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*Mr. Soft (Mailboxes love it)
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*[[Pennsylvania]]ns
 
*And everybody in [[:Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers|this category]].
 
*And everybody in [[:Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers|this category]].
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* [[Squidward]] (Using his own clarinet)
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*[[Charlie Brown]]
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*[[SpongeBob SquarePants (Character)|SpongeBob]]
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*[[Stingy]]
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*[[Jimmy Neutron]]
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*[[Robbie Rotten]]
  
 
==People Who Get Masturbated On==
 
==People Who Get Masturbated On==
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*[[Tails]] (By [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].)
 
*[[Tails]] (By [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].)
 
*[[Mickey Mouse]] (By Donald Duck.)
 
*[[Mickey Mouse]] (By Donald Duck.)
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*[[Tomo]] (By Kagura. died in the process)
 
*[[Doc Louis]] (By [[King Hippo]] & [[Aran Ryan]].) {For King Hippo, the [[Doc Louis|Doc]] ended up being a [[God Luigi|God-like]] entity and blew the king's head off. As for Aran Ryan, well Aran just ended up be[[cum|com]]ing more powerful than before.}
 
*[[Doc Louis]] (By [[King Hippo]] & [[Aran Ryan]].) {For King Hippo, the [[Doc Louis|Doc]] ended up being a [[God Luigi|God-like]] entity and blew the king's head off. As for Aran Ryan, well Aran just ended up be[[cum|com]]ing more powerful than before.}
 
*[[Jenny Wakeman]] (Either by his human boyfriend Brad, or the Silver Shell, his robot boyfriend.)
 
*[[Jenny Wakeman]] (Either by his human boyfriend Brad, or the Silver Shell, his robot boyfriend.)
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*[[Tyrannosaurus Alan]] (By George Volcano.)
 
*[[Tyrannosaurus Alan]] (By George Volcano.)
 
*[[Lemmy]] (By Mario.)
 
*[[Lemmy]] (By Mario.)
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*[[Linus Van Pelt]] (By [[Charlie Brown]].)
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*[[Squidward Tentacles]] (By [[SpongeBob SquarePants (Character)|SpongeBob]].)
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*Mayor Meanswell (By [[Stingy]].)
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*Hugh Neutron (By [[Jimmy Neutron]].)
 +
*Sportacus (By [[Robbie Rotten]].)
  
 
==Trivia==
 
==Trivia==
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*Also commonly known as "fapping", "jacking off", and a number of other things.
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*Also commonly known as "fapping", "jacking off", "choking the chicken", "spanking the monkey", and a number of other things.
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**Some fans of [[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic]] actually call it "clopping".
 
*Though most need a hand to masturbate, few have managed to masturbate without hands.
 
*Though most need a hand to masturbate, few have managed to masturbate without hands.
 
*[[Mario Head]] can strangely masturbate even though he has no penis.
 
*[[Mario Head]] can strangely masturbate even though he has no penis.
 
*[[Robotnik]] gets masturbated on more than anyone else for some reason.
 
*[[Robotnik]] gets masturbated on more than anyone else for some reason.
−
*Sam Witwicky doesn't masturbate. This is despite the fact that he has several issues of ''Busty Beauties'' under his bed, and that his girlfriend is Megan [[Fox]].
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*Sam Witwicky doesn't masturbate. This is despite the fact that he has several issues of ''Busty Beauties'' under his bed, and that his girlfriend is [[Megan Fox]].
 
*Not to be confused with a master debater.
 
*Not to be confused with a master debater.
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*An alternate name for Youtube Poopers, coined by [[Michael Rosen]] is "[[Pennsylvania]] Masturbators".
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*Some people enjoy masturbating into strange places. Examples include tissues, hair, and socks. With the last one, ensure you are only using it to catch the semen. Otherwise, who really wants to say that they fucked a sock?
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*Can apparently reduce the risk of [[Prostate Cancer]].
 +
*If the [[Sheriff of Nottingham|Sheriff]] tells you to keep your hands on the car until one of his associates arrives, don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on his highway. You can think about, but don't do it.
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*Apparently, the magic number of times doing it in a row for one day would be 42 times, because if you try exceeding that number, [[you]] will [[die]]! Seriously.
 
<gallery>
 
<gallery>
 
Image:BaseballStars-femalemasturbation.gif|Whoa there, lady! Not in front of a crowd!
 
Image:BaseballStars-femalemasturbation.gif|Whoa there, lady! Not in front of a crowd!
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</gallery>
 
</gallery>
 
[[Category:Sex]]
 
[[Category:Sex]]
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[[Category:YouTube Poop One-liners]]
 

Latest revision as of 13:53, 3 February 2017

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Now some people have no respect for their private matters, I tell ya what.

Masturbation is the act of playing with one's sexual organs until it reaches an orgasm. For men, a fleshlight can be used, but, it only requires one's hand (most of the time) and one's penis. For women, a dildo is used to masturbate, or one can use their fingers. Masturbation strictly excludes any partners, otherwise it becomes sex. However, one can make others masturbate, but that would probably be called molestation. There have been a few rumours that if one masturbates too much, they will get hairy palms or go blind. Then again, these people are probably saying this for propaganda's sake. One who masturbates is a wanker.

Do not confuse it with mastication.

Places/Situations In Which One Would Masturbate[edit]

People Who Love To Masturbate[edit]

People Who Get Masturbated On[edit]

Trivia[edit]

  • Also commonly known as "fapping", "jacking off", "choking the chicken", "spanking the monkey", and a number of other things.
  • Though most need a hand to masturbate, few have managed to masturbate without hands.
  • Mario Head can strangely masturbate even though he has no penis.
  • Robotnik gets masturbated on more than anyone else for some reason.
  • Sam Witwicky doesn't masturbate. This is despite the fact that he has several issues of Busty Beauties under his bed, and that his girlfriend is Megan Fox.
  • Not to be confused with a master debater.
  • An alternate name for Youtube Poopers, coined by Michael Rosen is "Pennsylvania Masturbators".
  • Some people enjoy masturbating into strange places. Examples include tissues, hair, and socks. With the last one, ensure you are only using it to catch the semen. Otherwise, who really wants to say that they fucked a sock?
  • Can apparently reduce the risk of Prostate Cancer.
  • If the Sheriff tells you to keep your hands on the car until one of his associates arrives, don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on his highway. You can think about, but don't do it.
  • Apparently, the magic number of times doing it in a row for one day would be 42 times, because if you try exceeding that number, you will die! Seriously.
  • Error creating thumbnail: File missing

    Whoa there, lady! Not in front of a crowd!

  • Error creating thumbnail: File missing

    Optimus Prime playing with himself.

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