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From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
(Redirected from Masturbate)





Now some people have no respect for their private matters, I tell ya what.

Masturbation is the act of playing with one's sexual organs until it reaches an orgasm. For men, a fleshlight can be used, but, it only requires one's hand (most of the time) and one's penis. For women, a dildo is used to masturbate, or one can use their fingers. Masturbation strictly excludes any partners, otherwise it becomes sex. However, one can make others masturbate, but that would probably be called molestation. There have been a few rumours that if one masturbates too much, they will get hairy palms or go blind. Then again, these people are probably saying this for propaganda's sake. One who masturbates is a wanker.

Do not confuse it with mastication.

Places/Situations In Which One Would Masturbate

People Who Love To Masturbate

People Who Get Masturbated On


  • Also commonly known as "fapping", "jacking off", "choking the chicken", "spanking the monkey", and a number of other things.
  • Though most need a hand to masturbate, few have managed to masturbate without hands.
  • Mario Head can strangely masturbate even though he has no penis.
  • Robotnik gets masturbated on more than anyone else for some reason.
  • Sam Witwicky doesn't masturbate. This is despite the fact that he has several issues of Busty Beauties under his bed, and that his girlfriend is Megan Fox.
  • Not to be confused with a master debater.
  • An alternate name for Youtube Poopers, coined by Michael Rosen is "Pennsylvania Masturbators".
  • Some people enjoy masturbating into strange places. Examples include tissues, hair, and socks. With the last one, ensure you are only using it to catch the semen. Otherwise, who really wants to say that they fucked a sock?
  • Can apparently reduce the risk of Prostate Cancer.
  • If the Sheriff tells you to keep your hands on the car until one of his associates arrives, don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on his highway. You can think about, but don't do it.
  • Apparently, the magic number of times doing it in a row for one day would be 42 times, because if you try exceeding that number, you will die! Seriously.