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Link
This article is filed under Characters.Link is a civilian of Hyrule, who in times of crisis works as the Hero. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the King himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the Scripture of Utter Bullshit, is the only person who can defeat Ganon. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. The King, Mario, and Zelda along with many others have defeated Ganon.)
Link is the current standing Hero of Koridai. Cultural Heritage: Denmark
Sexual Orientation
It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with Gwonam at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had sex with Zelda, Impa, and Lady Alma many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual (Like an amoeba.).
Diet
Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an Octorok.
Skills
Link is a master swordsman and great at burning George The Volcano and Hyrule. As mentioned above he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has a talent for carrying a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is also the master of the legendary Duckwalk maneuver.
Fight with the King
It seems that Link has fought with the king at one point, It all started when Link was watching his TV when "Live and Learn" came on and started to dance to it, as he was dancing to it the king said "MAH BOI" to him, but Link did not listen to him. The King then destroyed the TV with a Ki blast, This made link irritated, and so he used Kaioken and tried to hit The King, Only to be pushed aside, The king(in a Vegeta-type voice)said that was he was weak, Link then used his hidden move, the fabled "Ass Kamehameha", Which killed the king, He then started to cried over his broken TV for a while until George the Volcano used his Volvic Revive to bring his TV back which mde Link happy again. The full fight can be seen here: (See bottom-right)
Possesions
- His sword
- Lamp oil
- Rope
- Bombs
- A lightsaber
- Lotsa guns
- Young And Anal 15 video tape
- The king's chalice
Likes
- Sonic (Games and Sonic X)
- Sega Genesis
- Xbox 360
- Nintendo Wii
- The Philips CD-i
- Atari 2600
- Sega Dreamcast
- PS3 (Doesn't have one though.)
- Gwonam
- Dorami
- Bombs
- Guns
- Tits
- Rubies
- Saying "(Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE ME, Princess!"
- Consuming rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.
- The band proclaimed as KISS.
Dislikes
- Doraemon
- The Delilah Show
- Chad Warden
- Ronald McDonald (Hell, who doesn't?)
- The Chintendo Vii
- His other forms (Pervert Link and Frog Link)
Trivia
- Link is part Saiyan, or part Aryan. Same thing.
- Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
- Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
- Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by M. Bison.
- His last name is rumored to be The King, but is unlikely, since he is not a King, has had it off with Zelda, and does not support incest like the King does.
- His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
- He wants to see the fight on Pay-Per-View. What fight you might ask? Who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares!
- Even though he is a Nintendo character, he wants a PlayStation 3 because he claims he "can't use the [Wii's] controller."
- He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, Squadala Burger, in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
- Apparently, according to Malleo, he has gay sex with Bowser in his spare time.
- According to Screwattack, Link sword is enough for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
- Also, like Darth Vader, Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soul Calibur 4, Link also appeared in Soul Calibur II (Along with Spawn and Heihachi Mishima of the Tekken series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of Soul Calibur II.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu ha
vehad the same voice actor. - His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Better than sucking it from Impa's tits.
Memorable Quotes
Link I won!
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Link Gee! It sure is boring around here!
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Link What are all those heads?
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Link How about head?
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Link I guess I better get going!
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Link Im so hungry, I could eat an octorok
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Link I'll grab my stuff!
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Link My BOI!
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Link I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!
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Link I just wonder what Ganon's up to.
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Link Golly!
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Link Das a Homer!
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Link But Dad, I want to see the Pay-Per-View!
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Link I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.
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Link Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.
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Link Looks like we're In trouble, Princess!!! (Said in a nigga-like voice.)
(After seeing the 90's Kid use his Sega Genesis as a boombox.)
Link I guess I better get rid of this Sega!
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Link Hey Zelda, wake up.
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Link No, I can't go on without Zelda!
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Link I Wanna Jump!
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Link Oh, Shoot!!!
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Link Go ahead, shoot! I wanna die!
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Link Hey Zelda, I just want to say... it sure is boring without you.
