Link

This article is filed under Characters.

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Link upon winning something, like his quest or Monopoly.

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Link in his latest game.

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Saiyan Link.

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Fat Link.

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Your sword is enough.

Link is a civilian of Hyrule, who in times of crisis works as the Hero. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the King himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the Scripture of Utter Bullshit, is the only person who can defeat Ganon. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. The King, Mario, and Zelda along with many others have defeated Ganon.)

Link is the current standing Hero of Hyrule. He was preceded by himself and will be succeeded by himself.

Skills

Link is skilled in the art of combat, and is a master swordsman and marksman. As mentioned below he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has the ability to carry a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is an adept of the legendary Duckwalk maneuver. Cool, huh?

On the other hand, he sucks at using crossbows and has poor social skills.

Diet

Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an Octorok.

Sexual Orientation

It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with Gwonam at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had sex with Zelda, Impa, and Lady Alma many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual (Like an amoeba).

Link, King Harkinian, Gwonam, and Zelda when they finally have their acclaimed dinner.

Possessions

• His sword
• Lamp oil
• Rope
• Bombs
• A lightsaber
• Lotsa guns
• Young And Anal 15 video tape
• The king's chalice
• Boomerang
• Bow and arrow
• Various masks
• Iron Boots

Likes

• Zelda
• Impa
• Sonic's games
  • Sonic X
• Sega Genesis
• Xbox 360
• Nintendo Wii
• The Philips CD-i
• Atari 2600
• Sega Dreamcast
• PS3 (Doesn't have one though.)

Link being his usual old self.

• Gwonam
• Bombs
• Guns
• Tits
• Rubies
• Consuming rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.
• KISS.

Dislikes

• Doraemon
• The Delilah Show
• Chad Warden
• Ronald McDonald (Hell, who doesn't?)
• The Chintendo Vii

Near Death

On July 1, 2009, Ganon killed The King, and in turn, Zelda attempted Ambien overdoes suicide. It worked, but then Link tried to attempt suicide by jumping off a bridge, but instead, Yoshi broke his fall, resulting in said character's death. Then, Mama Luigi told one last bedtime story, then Yoshi died. However, Mama Luigi showed empathy for the little dinosaur, and almost turned into a second Emo Luigi. But then, Link wanted her to shoot him, but she refused and they became good friends after they both discovered that they lost a loved one. Then, they both lived and on July 1, 2029, Link visits Zelda's grave and tells her spirit it is sure boring without her.

Memorable Quotes

Link ...

Link I won!

Link Gee! It sure is boring around here!

Link What are all those heads?

Link I guess I better get going!

Link I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!

Link Great! I'll grab my stuff!

Link Hey! Excuuuuuuse me, Princess!

Link I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!

Link That old King is no match for Ganon!

Link I just wonder what Ganon's up to.

Link Golly!

Link It's a Gohma!

Link (Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!

Link Fine, jeez!

Link Remember me?

Link I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.

Link Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.

Link Looks like we're in trouble, princess! (Said in a African-like voice.)

Link (After seeing the 90's Kid using his Sega Genesis like a boombox.) I guess I better get rid of this Sega!

Link That old King is EVIL!

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Link's older brother, Link.

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Stupid sexy female Link.

Trivia

• Link is part Saiyan, or part Aryan. Same thing.
• Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
• Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
• Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by M. Bison.
• His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
• Even though he is a Nintendo character, he wants a Playstation 3 because he claims he "can't use the Wii's controller."
• He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, Squadala Burger, in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
• Had a short-lived career as the lead guitarist of the Zora band The Indigo-Go's until the other band members discovered he actually stole the identity of the true lead guitarist, then deceased.
• According to Screwattack, Link's sword is enough for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
• Also, like Darth Vader, Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soulcalibur IV, Link also appeared in Soulcalibur II (Along with Spawn and Heihachi Mishima of the Tekken series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of the game, Link in the GameCube version.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu have had the same voice actor.
• His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
• Once got a hug from Cremia. He enjoyed it greatly.
• Can't use a crossbow for shit, so he uses the Wii Zapper.
• He actually looks kind of attractive as a girl (see picture to the right)... oh god what have we done?