Wizardheimer

This article is filed under Characters.

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Wizardheimer being tortured by shitty Sonic recolors.

Wizardheimer is an eeeevil Koopa Wizard who holds people prisoners in the dungeon of his haunted house, located in a haunted woods, for no apparent reason. His favourite pastime is slaughtering everyone in sight, which he does with gusto, often cackling in a deluded manner the whole time. Often called an eggface, he once tried to take over the Youtube poop world with a seizure spell. He despises people who get his name wrong. Only Wizardheimer and Jafar know where the Cave of Uctions rests.

Quotes

• "Now! Plunge yourselves into that warp pipe!"
• "How do ya feel about BOB-OMBS?"
• "BOB-OMBS?"
• "Welcome to the dungeon of my haunted house, plumb-scum!"
• "Thats Wizardheimer! WIIIIIIIIIZARD-heimer!"
• "Because, Im an eeeeevil Koopa Wizard!"
• "I just LOVE to have people over to...HANG AROUND!"
• "What do you want, you prehistoric punk?!"
• "You ridiculous runt of a reptile!"
• "Take THIS, lizard lips!"
• "My magic wand! Ohhhhh...without it I'm powerless!"
• "Give me that wand back, yoooouuuu green-faced glutton! ...YOW!"
• "Hey, watch where you're going, EGGHEAD!"
• "YOU ARE!"
• "Sooo, what do you have to say NOW, egghead?"
• "Nyeuhehehehuhuhuhuh!"
• "THAT'S WWWWWWWIZARDHEIMER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER!!!!"
• "I crown you, royal egghead!"
• "Oh, fuck you, Luigi!"

List of Known Spells

• Bob-ombius: Generates Bob-ombs.
• Plungum: Forces people to plunge themselves into warp pipes.
• BAAH: Fires geometric shapes at unsuspecting passerbys.
• Volvicia: Revives the dead (With ginseng and guarana.).
• Labyrinthin: Creates labyrinths within books; taught to his protege.
• Whateveryousaycaverat: Warps annoying cave kids into the dungeon.
• Capapillus: Brings anal beads to life as Caterpillars.
• Shoopuswhoopus: Huge laser beam. Shares this power with ♥♪!? (aka Geno).
• Yaegghead: Turns the victim into an egg. Shares this power with Yoshi.
• Koopasez: Hypnotizes target into exercising.
• Psychic: 90 power, 100 accuracy, 10 PP, chance of lowering Sp.Def.
• Deleo-mens: Erases the mind. A spell that he invented, patented, and sold to the Men in Black.
• Mugio-aevum: De-ages victim by X years (x=number mentioned). Another patented invention of his.
• Mogio-eevum: Opposite of Mugio-aevum.
• Magio-oevum: Changes victim's gender. If the victim becomes a female, chance of impregnating victim.
• Hamburger (can be said in any way and one's wand would still understand it): Summons Inspector Closeau
• Cheeseburger: A variation of the above that summons Aran Ryan.
• Youguysareinbigtrouble: Automatically punishes victims for no apparent reason, based on user's Charisma.
• Pingas: Summons Dr. Robotnik.
• Pokemonus: Turns the victim into a Pokemon. Can be used either alone or in the second part of a spell.
• Impregnatus: Impregnated the victim. Can be used either alone or in the first part of a spell.
• Abrakadiarrhea: Causes the victim to shit their pants with liquid diarrhea.

Formerly used spells

Wizardheimer appears to have retired these spells:

• Marijuana: Magic Drugs effect. Dead/nonexistent/illegal.
• Zabacabadabra: Transforms user into a green tile; learned from Jafar, but is never used due to being useless (outside of Tetris Attack).

Likes

• Killing everything
• Laughing all the way,HAHAHA!
• Causing untold misery and strife
• His magic wand; without it he's powerless
• Destruction
• Attacking Mario
• Turning people into eggs
• Putting people in his dungeon
• Thrakkorzog (Was his roommate in college.)
• Scaring Yoshi
• Raping Yoshi
• Scaraping Yoshi
• Anal beads
• Vibrating anal beads
• Omelettes
• Michael Jackson (Everyone does)
• Maniac Mansion on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Dislikes

• Unsatisfying anal beads
• People knocking on his door
• Toasters
• Being called an eggface
• Stone Luigi
• Oogtar
• Being renamed Kamek
• Everyone, including you
• Anyone who doesn't get his name right
• The Purple Pervert
• Unauthorized use of his copyrighted and patented spells

See also:

• Transvestite Wizards
• Koopa
• Meatman

Trivia

• He is responsible for creating Caterpillars, which were originally a brand of anal beads.

• It's constantly argued if he claims he's named "Wizenheimer" or "Wizardheimer". For this sake, people just call him both.

• Is a popular figure in YTPMVs.

• He knows how to speak Spanish with a delightful Spanish accent.

• He is from South Philadelphia, and learned all of his magic on the Philly streets.

• He killed somebody once in Philly with his magic.

• He recently became a human for some reason and actually helped Mario and his friends drive King Koopa out of Cumalot.

• It is written, only he can defeat Mr. Koopas.

• Wizardheimer was to appear in Mario Kart 64; however, he was rejected because he couldn't stop throwing the development staff into his dungeon, so he was replaced with Donkey Kong.

• He's smarter than the average Koopa.

• He's a member of the KKK.

• In 1976, he resurrected Dry Bones with the Volvicia spell. Dry Bones' body was found at the bottom of the Lackawana River in 1975 after dying 20 years earlier of liver failure and alcohol poisoning. His flesh was turned into oil, however, which is why he only has a skeleton. He was ressurected because King Koopa needed troops.

• In 1989, he sued Mama Luigi for unauthorized use of a de-aging spell and a mind-erasing spell, both of which he had created and patented in 1958, on Yoshi, so that she could revise history. The judge ruled in favour of Wizardheimer, and ruled that Mama Luigi must cease with the magic, and pay him $1295.31 in damages.

Weaknesses

• Viacom
• Being jumped on
• Dark, Bug, and Ghost attacks

Death

• Wizardheimer was reported to have died at 9:26PM on May 19, 2009 when he was trying to send a hex to his arch rival but got the pronunciation wrong causing his wand to explode, killing him, and injuring Hip and Hop. Hip and Hop were in critical condition, but stabilized. I.M. Meen, his pupil, saved him with a bottle of Volvic Revive, and Wizardheimer once again ravages the world.