Soldier

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FARM

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The Soldier in his early days during The 2Fort War, nicknamed "The Blue Bomber" during that time.

The Soldier is one of Heavy Weapons Guy's and Demoman's gay soldier-lovers in Team Fortress 2. He is known to be one of Mama Luigi's few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny explosion fetish.

Cultural Heritage: A real American.

Arsenal

• Rocket Launcher: Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
• Shotgun: Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
• Shovel: The very one which will eventually be used to bury him. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

Update

• Direct Hit: Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!
• Buff Banner: Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and surrender your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the Shotgun.
• Equalizer: As you take more damage, you become faster and stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Replaces the Shovel.
• Gunboats: Earned from winning the war against those pesky Demomen, these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool in several dungeons. Replaces the Shotgun.
• Rocket Jumper: A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?

Community

• Pain Train: A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the Shovel.
• Black Box: This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR.
• Battalion's Backup: You keep shooting him while he has this backpack, his rage builds up and when he blows his bugle, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage. Be very afraid of the almost invincible hordes he rallies. Replaces the Shotgun.
• Concheror: What more vampire weapons? Anyway, combined dealing and receiving damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal. Replaces the Shotgun.
• Half-Zatoichi: Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the Shovel.

Promotion

• Frying Pan: Given to anyone who bought Left 4 Dead 2 before October 7th 2010 and anyone who already owns Left 4 Dead 2, this item is just a...frying pan, originally used for the purpose of beating zombies to death and making breakfast. Now makes breakfast and provides one of the most humiliating deaths possible! The Demoman can also use this weapon. Replaces the Shovel.

Event

• Saxxy: Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old Saxton said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the Shovel.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", Engineers take note, because you'll have to work around the sentry damage resistance bonus that the combination of these items brings.

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Aren't you persistent, Soldier?

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World War II

Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the U.S. military (including the Coast Guard). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to Europe. After arriving and finally locating Poland, the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a Nazi killing spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the war in 1949.

Vietnam and 2Fort

He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

Quotes

• "AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
• "UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
• "HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
• "BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE."
• "SCREAMIN' EAGULS!"
• "You are all maggots, you scum sucking fruit baskets!"
• "IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
• "That Scout is a faggot!"
• "Scotland is NOT a real country! You are an Englishman in a DRESS!"
• "(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
• "Your white flag does not stop American bullets!"
• "C'mere Cupcake!"
• "Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
• "This American boot just kicked your ass back to Russia!"
• "You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
• "GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
• "You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
• "Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
• "We've failed, men!"
• "WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
• "Painis Cupcake!"

Trivia

SEXY AS HELL

• He owns a FARM.
• Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
• He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
• One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then blowing himself up, as well as everyone around him.
• The BLU Soldier goes under the alias Jane Doe and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED Demoman.
• Is rumored to be the evolved form of the Civilian.
• Often paired with the Engineer in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
• Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with Haruhi, Tidyup, Loud Kiddington and possibly Super Robotnik.
• Can do a Falcon Punch, as exampled in this video.
• Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
• He has two grenades where his testicles should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
• Is a great juggler.
• Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has no friends.
• His voice actor did several roles in Star Fox 64, including Wolf O'Donnell, General Pepper, Leon Powalski, and Andross.
• Can transform into the evil known as the "Painis Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

See Also

• Team Fortress 2