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From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.


Name: Delmond "Dell" Conagher
Sex: Male
Age: ??
Nationality: American
Occupation(s): Engineer
Played By: Grant Goodeve

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The Engineer warning you about his heavy caliber sentry.
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The Engineer solving his practical problems.


The Engineer's favourite equation.
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The red Engineer is being barraged by too many blue Spies.

The Engineer, or Engineer for short, is one of the people in Team Fortress 2 that is straight. He went to the University of Texas with Dave Grohl to learn how to solve practical problems. He can build gun, more gun, teleporters, dispensers, and destroy them. He also assisted in building Dave Grohl's time machine. He may be able to stop Mama Luigi's reign of terror, but is too busy solving practical problems.

Cultural Heritage: Bee Cave, Texas, USA


  • Shotgun: His pa's ol' huntin' weapon.
  • Pistol: His pa's ol' huntin...sidearm...
  • Wrench: His pa's ol' huntin' wrench This wrench is gifted with the ability to repair and upgrade machinery by simply whacking at them. Amazing! The same does not apply to humans, of course.
  • PDA: Allows him to prepare or destroy his buildings. No, his pa never used it for hunting. The PDA allows the Engineer to set up...
    • Sentry: Can automatically pick off targets. Beware, for the presence of one will cause rageswitching to Spy in an effort to take out said sentry.
    • Dispenser: Automatically dispenses health, ammunition, metal, and Coca-Cola for those certain occasions.
    • Teleporter: Watch your teammates push and shove each other out of the way to save themselves 15 seconds of walking!
  • Frontier Justice: Did your sentry just get overwhelmed and destroyed? Now instead of cowering back to your base like a little bitch you can fight back with this special Shotgun! After the sentry blows this gun awards critical shots at the expense of a reduced ammo load.
  • The Wrangler: A modified Atari controller that allows you to manually aim and fire your sentry, as well as give it a shield that absorbs most of the damage! If you die while using it though, that shield will vanish in 1 second, so careful not to leave yourself open. Replaces the Pistol.
  • The Gunslinger: This special bionic arm gives you a slight health boost as well as allowing you to deploy Combat Mini-Sentries instead of regular sentries, which build faster and take less metal but cannot be repaired or upgraded. Oh yeah, you can also punch things! Replaces your Wrench as well as your Sentry, as well as one of your hands, apparently.
  • Pomson 6000: Stay one step ahead of Spies and Medics, draining their cloak and ubercharge with the energy particles from this Indivisible Particle Smasher! Replaces the Shotgun.
  • Eureka Effect: You can teleport back to your spawn or your teleporter exit with this Wrench. Possible enemy's reaction? "WTF HAX!" But on the downside, buildings repair and upgrade slower, so watch where you're building. Replaces the Wrench.
  • Necro Smasher: A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the Wrench, and on that note also makes a handy-dandy repair tool.
  • Southern Hospitality: A newer-model Wrench which makes enemies bleed out, but you're more vulnerable to fire damage.
  • Jag: Another model Wrench that's been hanging in Engineer's toolbox for a while. It speeds up construction so the defences go up faster, and that leaves more time to relax with a beer.
  • Widowmaker: A shotgun powered by metal that absorbs metal when dealing damage. Did that twist your tongue? Replaces the Shotgun.
  • Short Circuit: Did you just see your crit rocket suddenly disintegrate right in front of that sentry? Guess it was another unlucky victim of this handy dandy electrical field generator, designed specifically for zapping projectiles right out of the air! Replaces the Pistol.
  • Rescue Ranger: A modified shotgun useful for packing up your buildings at a distance or repairing them at range using the special bolts. Unfortunately picking up buildings this way marks you for death so you'd better be fast outta there before a Heavy mows you down in seconds. Also quite useful for multitasking. Replaces the Shotgun.
  • Lugermorph: The Engineer shares this pistol with the Scout. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol.
  • Golden Wrench: One hundred players crafted this special gilded Wrench said to be made by King Midas/Sauron himself. Though they have no enhanced attacking capabilities they do grant the ability to turn their unlucky dead victims into solid gold statues as well as grant bragging rights to the hundred lucky bastards who got these.
  • Saxxy: Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old Saxton said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Just like the Wrench, it can repair and upgrade buildings. Even the buildings have something to feel good about too!


  • Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.
  • I solve practical problems.
  • How am I gonna stop some big mean mother-hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind? The a gun.
  • If that don't work, use more gun!
  • And you best hope... not pointed at you.
  • Gordon Freemant, what are you working on?
  • Whait oh no where id isotop?
  • Ya'll just got drafted into MY war!
  • You can always tell a Texan, but ya can't tell 'em much.
  • I'm Wolverine-mean, you son-of-a-bitch!
  • Sell your tonics elsewhere, miracle man.
  • Aww, now you don't look like a happy camper.
  • Down under? More like six feet down under.
  • Erectin' a statue of a moron!
  • Makin' bacon.
  • This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
  • Sometimes, you just need a little less gun.
  • Hurrr...


  • Has odd tendencies to spout the conditions of his machines, even on break.
  • Created a time paradox by preventing Kurt Cobain's suicide. (NUH-UH COURTNEY KILLED HIM)
Engineer child photo.png
  • Usually is paired with the Soldier in a series of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
  • Is a world-famous plastic surgeon. He once used a Super Sucking Vacuum Trap to enlarge a woman's bust.
  • Has an IQ of 187.
  • Has 11 Doctorates in Engineering and various Sciences, all of which were originally his.
  • Loves his toys, and of course hates when the Spy SAPS HIS SENTRY and murders his toys, in which a small tear falls from his eye.
  • According to the Spy, he is the real inventor of Slippy Toad's inventions, and was hired by Slippy so that he could stay on the Star Fox team.
  • His twin brother Jimm was a former "cow-orker" of Gordon Freemant. On the job, Jimm survived a headcrab attack as well as a severe laceration to the head by claymore sword before finally being blown to "smitheroons" caused by radiation. All this happened within a minute.
  • The voice actor for the Engineer played the voice role of Wolf O'Donnell in Star Fox Assault, which coincidentally is one of the Soldier's voice roles in Star Fox 64.
  • Likes bacon, and is makin' bacon.
  • In his spare time, he is also a Pokemon trainer, specializing in electric-type Pokemon. Usually, he can be found hanging out on route 11 in Kanto, waiting for Pokemon trainers to pass by so he can battle them.
  • His wrench is a now-obsolete Monkey Wrench, which is not to be confused with a Pipe Wrench.
  • Is an avid Rail Fan, and owns a Locomotive Engineer's cap.
  • Despite what the Soldier says, he is not Canadian.
  • Is disappointed that the Texas Rangers lost the 2010 World Series to San Francisco. His response: "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"
    • Is also disappointed that the Texas Rangers lost to the St. Louis Cardinals in the 2011 World Series. His response: *scream* Dagnabit, dammit!"
This could be you.