Scout

This article is filed under Characters.

The Scout originates from the video game Team Fortress 2, but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of running at high speeds and also somehow is capable of jumping once in midair.

His Singing

The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:

• An acronym that stands for something.
• A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
• A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
• His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
• An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
• A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

Relationships

He has been known to be an arch-rival of Heavy Weapons Guy stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having sexual relations with the Spy. OOOH, Faced!

Arsenal

Basic

• Scattergun: A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
• Pistol: A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
• Bat: His metal baseball bat, signed with the forged signatures of Babe Ruth, Ken Griffey Jr. and Hank Aaron. Is caked in dried blood.

Update

• Force-A-Nature: A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the Scattergun, but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
• BONK! Energy Drink: Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the Pistol.
• Sandman: A wooden baseball bat that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the Bat.
• Conscientious Objector: You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the Bat.
• Unarmed Combat: A ripped-off Spy's arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the Bat.
• Mutated Milk: Contains a mutated bread monster. Serving suggestion: Throw at an enemy and watch the bread bite their face off. Functions identically to the Mad Milk and replaces the Pistol.
• Necro Smasher: A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the Bat.

Community

• Crit-A-Cola: Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the Pistol.
• Shortstop: A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the Scattergun.
• Mad Milk: New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the Pistol.
• Holy Mackerel: A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the Bat.
• Boston Basher: The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the Bat.
• Candy Cane: It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the Bat.
• Fan O'War: It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to The Pit, i.e. death, and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the Bat.
• Soda Popper: Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the Scattergun.
• Winger: Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's Flank. Replaces the Pistol.
• Atomizer: The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his bat. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the Bat! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
• Wrap Assassin: Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the Bat.
• Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol: A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the Pistol.
• Baby Face's Blaster: GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new Scattergun! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
• Bat Outta Hell: This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the Bat.
• Back Scatter: Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the Scattergun.

Promotion

• Frying Pan: CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the Bat.
• Sun-On-A-Stick: Direct from the depths of Hell comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the Bat.
• Three-Rune Blade: The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the Bat.
• Flying Guillotine: A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the Pistol.
• Freedom Staff: A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the Bat.
• Ham Shank: Don't run! It's just ham! No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the Bat.
• Isolationist Pack: Not exactly a weapon, but a set of cosmetics that turn the Scout into a xenomorph that does extra melee damage to Pyros wearing the MK 50 helmet and wielding the Nostromo Napalmer flamethrower, but takes more flamethrower damage from them. It's hunt or be hunted in the lonely corridors of...2Fort.

Event

• Lugermorph: Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a certain police rabbit. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
• Saxxy: Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old Saxton said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the Bat.
• Memory Maker: Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the Bat.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

Catchphrases

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• EAT IT FATTY
• BONK
• BOINK
• BOMP
• YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, TOUGH GUY?
• WHOOOOO!
• YO, WASSUP?
• LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
• I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
• AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
• I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
• DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
• BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
• AW, CRAP!
• THIS IS A REAL FRIGGIN' EMBARRASSMENT!
• IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
• LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
• I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
• NEED A DISPENSER HERE!!
• "YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
• I AM PANCAKES!
• YOU ARE PANCAKES!
• SANDWICHES SUCK!
• DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
• HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
• I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
• IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
• MY BLOOD!! HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD!!
• THIS SUCKS!
• WE ARE SCREWED!
• POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
• LET'S WASTE 'EM!
• IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE BLEEPIN' DEAD.
• I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!

This retarded version of the Scout is actually a Civilian in disguise.

The Scout gets eaten by Snivy.

Likes

• Sandwiches
• Bonking
• Bonking till his wrist hurts.
• Pancakes
• The Boston Red Sox
• Baseball

Dislikes

• Heavy Weapons Guy
• Bob Saget
• Sandviches
• Large women (unlike his mom).
• Pornography starring his mother.
• The New York Yankees

Trivia

• Is literally a bastard.
• He likes to sing.
• Is somewhat of a wigger.
• Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
• Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering pizza.
• Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the Spy.
• May have been an advertiser before he became a person in Team Fortress 2.
• When he watched Pickle Surprise, he actually laughed like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!
• His (possible) true death date is December 4, 1987.

Additional Links

• The game that I'm he's in: Team Fortress 2.
• That fatass piece of shit known as the Heavy Weapons Guy.