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Professor Von Schlemmer

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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Insert Something Witty Here says Von Schlemmer.

Professor Von Schlemmer is an insane scientist and fugitive WWII Nazi who was invented by another wacky genius Rowby Goren to save zee world. He keeps changing his location just in case any strangers steal his stuff.


He attended the Mobius University of Slow Professority and got his diploma but lost it with a bet from Robotnik who keeps showing it all the time. Then he had amenesia so he forgets his name most of the time. Who is this person again?


His actions have been recorded by Robotnik, his close bum buddy:

  • Making no sense whatsoever and took him 15 months to write this.
  • Turned Makoto Kino into Misselaineous successfully.
  • Replaced Rudy Larriva for a series.
  • Appeared in a prototype laser disc game.
  • Enjoys having Sex and his PENIS is not for sale.
  • Responded as Wux when Scientists claimed that AoSTH has AIDS. Doctor Poopnik also responded as Wux.
  • Briefly took over the Sega Corporation and made it better until Naoko Takeuchi and Shun Nakamura gave him an unfair dismissal.
  • Called Easy Eddie a c-unt for no reason.
  • Discovered a cure to Phil Collinsism while Robotnik became Phil Coolyns and called himself Robotnik Von Schlemmer.
  • Made a rare appearance however Spaced-Out Usagi pushed him out of the spotlight and got uncredited.
  • Stopped the Special Olympics in Beijing due to research in injuries.
  • Went sailing with Cap'n Crunch and almost got raped by him. However, Crunch's dick couldn't fit into Schlemmer's tiny anus.


Since he came from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog to begin with, he was in:

  • Too Tall Tails
  • Boogey-Mania
  • Tails Prevails
  • Super Robotnik
  • Tails' Tale
  • Hero of the Year (as a quick cameo)
  • Fast and Easy

Even though he does appear in a few poops (most noticable by IkwaylxZ), an entire series by Furnessly is been created. However Robotnik and Wes Weasley are more popular to use.


  • Knows that a 5 letter word for contraption is PINGAS.
  • Is a member of the Nutty Professors Union, other members are Robotnik, Dr. Wily, and Eddie Murphy.
  • His favourite song is Running in the '90s, which is strangely BMATF's and UncleChuck's, as well.
  • Knows both English, German, and Swedish.
  • Yes, the template was stolen from Phil Collins.
  • Mistakenly known as Bill Nye the Science Guy on a certain video.
  • He refused to get to work on a project for Robotnik, even after being told that Tails would suffer the consequences otherwise.
  • He knows that the final digit of pi is apple.
  • He was a Nazi in WWII, and performed experiments on Jewish and Polish inmates in concentration camps. He is currently living in exile, as he will be executed if found.
    • During WWII, he was commended for his experiments by Adolf Hitler, who believed that he was helping the master race.
    • After Nazi Germany's surrender to the Allies, he fled to Mobius.
  • Claims he has discovered the cure for AIDS, but that shortly after the medicine's creation it was stolen and likely destroyed by Mama Luigi.