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Sonic the Hedgehog
This article is filed under Characters.Sonic is the mascot for SEGA. He hasn't eaten a single decent sword since 10 A.D. and a good game since the new millenium, depending on who you ask. Despite these all too true facts, SuperYoshi has stated on various occasions that Sonic is his favorite actor to work with. Sonic is also a lot cooler and eats less swords than those pussies Shadow and Silver.
Biography
Sonic the Hedgehog (aka Sonico, Mr. Needlemouse, Cinos, Hedgehog and other names) was born and raised in West Philadelphia until a couple of badniks, who were up to no good, started making trouble in Green Hill. He got in one little fight and Amy got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Scrap Brain." He whistled for a cab and when it came near, he gave it the middle finger. If anything, he could have said that this cab was Tails, so he went "THAT'S NO GOOD." He pulled up to Metropolis Zone at approximately 7 or 8 to claim his throne as the prince of the video game industry. Also throughout his entire career, Sonic has been in the porn industy..Yep...Look it up anywhere I ain't lyin...
Crimes
Is believed to have assassinated John Lennon. What a fag.
Quotes
- EXACTLY!
- LET'S SHIT!
- That's no good.
- You're too slow!
- URRNGH! I'm MasturBAAAAAAATIIIIIIING!!!
- Too easy! Piece of cay-ache!
- Shit!
- He's just a piece o' cheesy hardware!
- I'm Sonic the Kidnapper!
- Hey, Kids! Strangers may offer you all sorts of things to get you to come with them, like movies, magical tickets, and a lot of other horseshit, but chances are that they're just trying to touch your bathing suit area, and that's no good!!! So if a stranger, especially Robert Prodsky tries to touch your chili dog, just get outta there!
Likes
- Amy Rose
- Freedom
- Chili Dawgs
- Tails
- Himself
- Relaxing
- Knuckles
- Being a fucking DJ.
- Masturbating
- Tormenting Dr. Robotnik
- Namco's Soulcalibur series (inspired him to get a sword for Sonic and the Black Knight
- tumble-dryers
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Hates
People Who Like Him
- Chad Warden
- Oogtar
- Captain Planet
- Gay Luigi
- Bowser Jr,
- DaftPunkYoshi
- Amy Rose
- Chris Crocker
- Mario (sometimes)
- Ninja Coach Z (Used to be a Sonic fanboy when he was younger.)
- Everyone who bought the game and enjoyed it.
People Who Hate Him
Sonic believes he is cool and popular, but there are actually quite a bit of people who have expressed disdain for him. Among those who have said they "hate that hedgehog":
- Robotnik
- Dr. Eggman
- Erazor Djinn
- Grouchy Smurf
- Ozu
- Mr. Grumpy (duh!)
- Mr. Clean
- Shadow (In a rival hate way)
- Mario
- Classic Sonic Fans
Trivia
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- He loves tumble dryers.
- Has a giant ego.
- He is a pyromaniac.
- Believes that there's fire were there's smoke.
- He's trapped in there.
- He had a reputation of helping kids learn things about life in a short segment called Sonic Sez, although after an absurd confession to Tails (see above) he lost it and decided to instead teach people about how sex and drugs are cool. Sonic Sez is now the most viewed show in the world, topping all of the existing charts, and being downloaded by millions every minute.
- He is a pervert.
- Has the power to go Super with the help of Super AIDS, he is only one of three which can avoid getting killed by it(But using it too much can kill him).
- He had an car accident in 1992 and his vocal chords had to be replaced. Without anything else, the doctors gave the vocal chords of a local black kid to him. He later got his own voice back though... and then Sega forced him to change it again. Oy.
- Has a brother called Awesome Possum.
- He can play guitar. If you're lucky he'll show you his Eddie Van Hedgehog impression.
- Lost a lot of weight between the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive and the Sega Dreamcast eras.
- He has a partnership with Tex Avery.
- Did he put a tube in his mouth? LMAO?
- Spends All day in his house then he went for a 'drink' which turned to 5 and then 10 now he's drunk and he won't be able to play Sonic Unleashed properly
- He once called a male drug abusing rabbit a dyke.
- If he masturbates too much he turns into his Werehog form, as seen in Sonic Unleashed. This form is filled with primal fury and an excess of guilt.
- Is now currently worling in porno movies to help him get over his problems. (If only he knew that it'd make them even worse.)
- Might be related to Don Patch.
- May or may not be Aladdin.
- Also once used a sword for battle against the Black Knight.
- Thankfully, he decided to go back to 2-D before it's too late for him.
