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King Harkinian

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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King Harkinian, better known as simply The King, is the noble ruler of the land of Hyrule. He loves talking about his boi, which has been proven to be Link. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, Duke Onkled. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of Ganon, but when the king was rescued by Zelda, he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule for his mercy. His Castle was destroyed thanks to Zeus But the King killed Zeus by throwing dinner into his mouth.

Cultural Heritage: Sweden

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The King of Hyrule, talking about his boy and the number 4.

Areas of Expertise

  • The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, dinner, or certain bodily fluids (Cum).
  • The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "The Jumper" was based off of this skill.
  • The King also has a Wii, but has not released his friend code to the Hyrulian public. He is currently one of the worst Wario Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii.
  • Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him one star ratings on Youtube.
  • It is romoured that he trained superbork in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
  • Vorhias managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
  • It is heavily suspected The King is a hard drinker. He usually drinks when talking about his Boy, and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
  • The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in Hyrule. The other person is Link.
  • The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. It is thought that everyone else got the Lazer shooting abilities from him.

Death

News of his death has not been released to the public yet, but it is a plausable fact. There are rumors going around that the king got so drunk, he succombed to alchohol poisoning shortly after his merry laugh with Zelda. He then died, and was replaced by another, less alchohol-addicted king. The current king has yet to have been questioned on whether or not he is the original king, but it is very likely that he isn't. The original King may or may not be released from the pit, however, Gregg the Grim Reaper is getting pissed at the King's death happening so frequently.

Presidetial Campaign

On March 28, 2008, The King announced his run for president of YouTube in a video In the video he states that he has great knowledge, can teleport between outside and inside, and other good things. (The Video was created by User:MILU724, in The King's request.)

The video can be seen here.

{{#ev:youtube|zVJ9DFvnYzQ|320}}

Battle With Link

The King had a incredibly cool and awesome fight with link. It's so awesome because it was a lightsaber battle. It started when they both wielded their light sabers. link then unexpectedly fired laser beams from a laser gun. The King blocked the beams with his lightsaber. He then unleashed the power of The Force and struck Link with a psychic pulse and discarded link's lightsaber from his hand. He responded with saying "f*ck!" The King then stabbed him with his lightsaber and defeated him. But then he discovered that Link had a bomb prepared to kill him if he couldn't. The King then made a break for his ship and escaped just in time before Hyrule Castle exploded. He thought he had won, but then he crashed his ship. Somehow Link rigged the ship and somehow survived.

The video footage can be seen in the bottom-right.

{{#ev:youtube|ocGLR5NQ1z8|320}}

Possesions

  • The Triforce of Courage
  • Lotsa Dinner
  • A lightsaber
  • A Dinner Blaster, which fires cheeseburgers. The King uses it to cause carnage in the video to the bottom-right
  • A bottomless wine goblet
  • The wierd headband he wears instead of a crown
  • A ship. Possibly a yacht.
  • A Wii
  • A collection of sponges for which he constantly gives to Duke Onkled to scrub the floors in Hyrule.

{{#ev:youtube|RgOirMKSg2c|320}}

Likes

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ENOUGH
Dinner

Dislikes

Quotes

  • MAH BOI!
  • Four!
  • I wonder what's for dinner?
  • Aids
  • After you scrub all the floors in hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!
  • HMMMM...how can Wii hell?
  • This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!
  • Zelda, Duke Onkled is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.
  • Did somebody say "dinner"?
  • What?
  • If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.
  • ENOUGH!
  • You saved me!
  • My ship sails in the morning.
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