Ed

This article is filed under Characters.

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Ed's either having one of those days or is on red crystal.

Ed shows off his mad skills in "Hanger Spinning" to Edd and Eddy.

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Ed commenting on Eddy's carpet.

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This is the most recent thing that Ed's learned of. Honest.

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Half-eaten pretzel-bagel beats rock?

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Ed is one of "The Three Eds". He is known as the brawn in the Eds' group. He was never a smart fellow, as is evidenced by archival footage played in one of the episodes. He is not related to either Edd, Eddy, or Sarah. She was adopted. That will explain the yelling. According to DNA tests, her real parents are Robotnik and Mama Luigi. Recently, Ed was served a sexual harassment lawsuit for attempting to give out hot dickings to the Kankers while looking for a spoon.

Cultural Heritage: Polish-American

Skills

• Ed can play a violin, but his violin playing sounds more like either Cliff Burton's bass (on a good day) or nails on a chalkboard (on a bad day). The episode that had his violin showed him on a bad day because he had to practice or Sarah would bust his head.
• He can generate a charge of static electricity big enough to blow up a house. Zappity zap zap!
• He can be a woodpecker, but he tends to peck dirt rather than wood.
• He can lift a freakin' house, and has been able to do that since he was, like, three. Now that's hardcore.
• He can kill wood while listing to J-Rock.
• He also is the ultimate champion in "Hanger Spinning", in which people move their heads around and make sure their hangers on their ears move in that same circular formation without them falling off their ears.
• Ed can also fly for a short time and do a high jump.
• He can turn a swimming pool into a pool of gravy using just one box of gravy mix. That's almost as big a miracle as Jesus feeding all those people with some bread and fish.

Likes

• Buttered Toast
• Gravy
• Chickens
• More Chickens
• Even More Chickens
• The Chicken from Cow and Chicken
• Chicks Galore
• Eddy (It is rumored by some that Ed has a sexual wanting for him. This has been proven true/false by yaoi addicted fangirls and SushieBoy.)
• Double D (The same rumor as above applies.)
• Pudding Skin
• Eddy's lava Lamp
• Sports
• Fat Mario
• Did we mention he likes chickens?

Dislikes

• May Kanker
• Bugs
• Violins
• Soap
• Over radiated Mashed Potatoes
• Unbuttered Toast

Trivia

• Enjoys having people 'whack' him.
• Enjoys cookie dough.
• Screams almost as much as Rolf.
• Once glued a block of wood to Johnny's foot.
• Is a slave to his clay model Baron 'o Beefdip.
• Is not smart now.
• Is the bringer of bacon.
• LOVES Chickens.
• Has an addiction to gravy and buttered toast.
• Can swallow a video camera with relative ease and eat a mattress in three mouthfuls.
• Makes crushing playgrounds seem such a breeze.
• May move fast...
• And jump stupidly high...
• But this Ed's ONE HELL OF A GUY! HUH!
• Was a moose once.
• Once glued his dick to a table.
• Oh, and his middle name is Horace.
• Is also a subscriber to Chicks Galore. (And yes, it's indeed a porno magazine disguised as an animal book of some baby chickens hatching from eggs.)
• Is distantly related to Weird Ed from Maniac Mansion.
• His group's "The Three Eds" only rivals in comedy are the Three Stooges.
• He has the power to remove bottles on his hand with sticky tape. How he can do that remains to be seen.
• One time, his outline somehow escaped him. He traveled through all different types of universes before he tricked the outline with some free jawbreakers.
• Has recently learned that he's alive.
• Is the driver of the military's G.U.N. truck.

Quotes

• "Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?"
• "Nice carpet, Eddy."
• "I love canoes."
• "I was a moose once."
• "CANADIANS ARE WEIRD!"
• "I AM CAN OPENER MAN!"
• "Whack me! Whack me! Whack me! Whack me!"
• "My dad has a shovel!"
• "Not to mention a duck!"
• "Am I smart now?"
• "COOKIE DOUGH!!"
• "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, I am such a lucky elf!"
• "You guys are gonna make my turtle cry!"
• "Touch me again, and I will SQUASH you!"
• "BIG TROUBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
• "YOU TORMENT ME!"
• "I'm a woodpecker, 'cept with dirt."
• "Why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?"
• "Hello, light."
• "MAN THE HELMS! DIVE! DIVE!"
• "(using puppet) Oh dear, I fell!"
• "EXTREME CLOSEUP!"
• "Slide on the soap... slide on the soap... slide on the soap... slide on the soap... *ten minutes later* slide on the soap..."
• "GUTTER BALL!"
• "I am the Claw, and the Claw wishes to fly, too!"
• "I think I just thunk."
• "My fantasy come true! I AM BUTTERED TOAST!!!"
• "I AM ED!"
• "FOUL!!! OFFSIDE!! PEN-AL-TIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
• "Dig-a Hole! Dig-a Hole!"
• "RUN AWAY!!"
• "ZAPPITY-ZAP-ZAP!"
• "YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY I DID!"
• "For I, Ed, can remove the bottle with sticky tape."
• "YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, DOUBLE D!"
• "Uhh, guys! I think I glued my head to the table!"
• "Seen it... seen it... seen it... seen it..."
• "Sticky note! Sticky note! Sticky note!"
• "STINKY HAT!"