Ash Ketchum

This article is filed under Characters.

Description

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Our hero doing what he does best; Masturbating behind the bushes.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Ash, seen here one second before he got shot in the face by Kaizer, because of how much of a bastard he was.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

This is what Ash's Pikachu looks like.

Ash partying hardcore.

Ash Ketchum (sometimes called Ass Ketchup by TeeheeSamson) is the ten-year-old fag star of the anime, Pokémon. His goal in life is to one day become the so-called "Pokémon Master," and to do so he must capture every existing Pokémon on the planet. These efforts are futile; he will never become a master as he always (on purpose) ignores rare Pokémon waiting to be caught, and he continually releases his Pokémon to the wild just because he can. And it sure doesn't help when another hundred or so of the little bastards are released every few years.

Ash also has a rare disease which prevents him from ever reaching puberty. For nearly ten years since the start of the show, he has stayed the same exact age (Ten or eleven), but this disorder does not seem exclusive to him. However, as a result, Ash is doomed to wander the planet aimlessly until the end of time or until the show is finally canceled which right now seems like an impossibility.

Likes

• Pikachu (Especially when he is horny.)
• Robotnik
• Brock
• Masturbating
• Misty (Except when arguing with her.)
• Punching Pikachu
• Stealing/destroying little girls bikes.

Dislikes

• Gary Oak, his rival who is was more likely to become a Pokemon Master then he, and is was better than him in almost every conceivable way possible. (This was proved wrong when Ash defeated him in battle back in the mystical and magical year of 2002.)
• You
• Team Rocket (Especially since he thinks that they have no lives at all.)
• Me
• Rifle scopes (They were the reason why Ash started punching Pikachu.)
• The other Ash from the Evil Dead series.

Liked By

• Misty
• Brock
• May
• Pimpsahoy

Disliked By

• Every form of Luigi but Mama Luigi.
• Nostalgia Critic
• Pokemon Fans
• M. Bison
• Ash Williams from the Evil Dead movies.
• Ash Crimson.
• GoGoRiki Characters
• Robotnik (The reason being his usage soared after XMHunter came on Youtube.)
• Shaymin (At first.)
• Arceus (Also at first.)

His Pokémon

The following is a list of all the Pokémon Ash has ever owned (barring ones that are pre-evolutions). Even the ones he got rid of. (So much for being a Pokémon master, right?)

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Ash ended up having to apologizing to Minnesota afterwords.

• Pikachu (Of course he would.)
• Pidgeot
• Squirtle
• Bulbasaur
• Charizard
• Butterfree
• Raticate
• Oddish
• Mankey
• Primeape
• Kingler
• Muk
• Tauros (30 of 'em to be precise.)
• Rapidash
• Lapras
• Slowpoke
• Snorlax
• Fearow
• Haunter
• Beedrill
• Bayleef
• Totodile
• Quilava
• Hoothoot
• Noctowl
• Aipom
• Heracross
• Donphan
• Larvitar

This is the first time that anybody discovered that Ash was a hillbilly after all this time!

That lucky, motherfucking bastard.

• Sceptile
• Torkoal
• Corphish
• Swellow
• Glalie
• Torterra
• Infernape
• Staraptor
• Buizel
• Gible
• Gliscor
• Unfezant
• Oshawott
• Pignite
• Snivy
• Scraggy
• Leavanny
• Palpitoad
• Boldore
• Krokorok

Quotes

Ash Ketchum Pikachu, I choose you!

Ash Ketchum I'm stupid?

Ash Ketchum I CAUGHT (insert Pokemon name here)!

Ash Ketchum Maybe it's a... Cowterpie!?

Ash Ketchum Now I can see lots of lucky stars!

Ash Ketchum Maximum Hardness!

Ash Ketchum PIKACHU, THE HORN!

Ash Ketchum He should...use Charizard's flame thrower attack!

Ash Ketchum If anyone's out there, come out! And if you're a monster or a ghost, stay there.

Ash Ketchum That Magnemite's following Pikachu around like it's a streaker!

Trivia

Wut.

• Ash is likely based off of "Red" from the first Pokemon games.
• Stole Misty's bike in the very first episode, which is one of two reasons why she follows him around constantly. You can use your imagination for the second reason.
• Earns many Gym badges by not actually beating the Gym Leader in a fair match, but instead gets them by cheating (case-in-point: in his battle against Brock, his Pikachu set-off the sprinkler system, which defeated Brock's Onyx) or by pumping his Pikachu full of steroids (see the battle against Brock again).
• Ash has a father who is only mentioned, never shown. Supposedly Professor Oak had an affair with Ash's mother. This may be the reason why we haven't heard from either of them for a few seasons.
  • There was also a rumor that Giovanni was his father, for he too dated Ash's mom when she was a teenager. But this has been disproved by the fact that Giovanni's son is in fact the rival character from Pokémon Gold/Silver.
• Ash likes to beat off to Misty's Facebook pictures.
• He simply HAS to twist his hat around backward before throwing a Poké Ball at a Pokémon.
• In one episode he went by the fake name "Tom Ato".
• He loves Lucky Star, especially when being zapped by Pikachu.
• He thinks that Arbok evolves into Seviper, which is, of course, WRRRRRROOOONNNNNGGGG!!!!
• Once lost a Pokémon battle to Father Time from Histeria (Bulbasaur's Vine Whip was no match for Big Fat Baby's slobber attack).
• He thinks that if an older brother makes fun of you for shaving, you should use Charizard's flame-thrower attack.
• He believes that Vikings live in Minnesota. That Ash is a confused fellow.
• Offscreen, some of his Pokémon end up having sexual encounters with other Pokémon. Some of those primary examples include Pikachu (OF COURSE!!!), Bulbasaur (having sex in vaginas), Charizard (having sex in the ass), Snivy (having oral sex), Oshawott (having sex with the gay Pokémon), and Pignite (he somehow has the unfortunate side-effect of giving the Pokémon STDs like AIDS and shit). Go figure, right?