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Elite Beat Agents
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Description
Elite Beat Agents is a weird game made by some Japanese company about three secret agents who help people by dancing. Yeah. No cool men in black that have to save the world from aliens or anything, just some dancing men in black. One of them has an afro. And not to mention that they live in a very dangerous world, where theme parks are attacked by golems at random, zombie outbursts can happen at any time, and people's white blood cells are hot pink-haired nurses. Seriously, I'm not making any of this up, mon. Oh, and they have a female division too. And it consists of three lesbian girls who are Charlies' Angels rip-offs with very, very short shorts. And one of them wears glasses. And the Elite Beat Agents' leader is Commander Kahn, a 60-year-old man who simply watches what people do all day, then when he sees them in trouble, he gets out of his chair, points up and yells, "AGENTS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!", even though there's nobody in the room except for him. He is also the only person in the world who likes Sarcastic Nuts and Nuts. And even though not a single person dislikes the game (except for Scott, but he's hardly a person), it only sold 120,000 copies, dooming all possibility of a sequel. Boo.
Oh, and you know the game rocks when it somehow makes Steriogram, Good Charlotte, Avril Lavinge, and freaking Ashlee Simpson awesome. Seriously, it does. It also features ABC by The Jackson 5, which of course is awesome (R.I.P., Michael Jackson.).
Media Infomation
Video Game
Made By
INiS/Nintendo
Country of Origin
Japan/The U.S.A.
Dates
2006
Characters
With emphasis given to those seen in Youtube Poops
- J - Possible main character
- Morris - Back up agent with cool hat
- Derek - Back up agent with huge afro
- Chieftain - Native American agent with a beard
- Spin - Black rookie to the Elite Beat Agents
- Commander Kahn - Commander of the agents
- Starr - Leader of the Elite Beat Divas
- Foxx (lol) - Back up Diva who looks like Lady Gaga
- Missy - Back up Diva who somewhat looks like Fio from Metal Slug
- Mr. Virus - Perverted virus
- That actor guy from Makes no Difference - An actor guy from Makes no Difference
- Carringtons - Two dumb celebrity sisters who get animals to do their work
- Hulk Bryman - YOU BET KID!
- Leonardo da Vinci (I'm not joking here.) - An amazing artist/inventor who wants to create a great painting for Mona Lisa.
- Mona Lisa (I'm not joking on this one either.) - A lady who is Leonardo da Vinci's lover.
- Jane - Babysitter who calls the agents for help
- Don - Jane's boyfriend
- Sam - Lost dog
- Max - Cat who tries to save a baby
- Laughing blue zombie army - Their only weakness is peanuts
- Pedophile Horse - A horse with a creepy smile
- Thomas - I believe he's a pretty good magician!
- Chris - Movie director who calls the agents to help him make a smash hit
- Jack - Taxi driver who goes hyper whenever he steps on it
- Linda - Pregnant lady who needs Jack to drive her to the hospital
- Leo - A European artist who wants to paint his masterpiece
- Angelina - Thomas' assistant
- Ted - Sam's owner
- Captain Brooke - A pirate looking for treasure
- Sofie Hudson - News reporter who defies weather to go on a picnic with her son
- David Hudson - The son in question. He's also Ted's brother.
- Ken Ozu - Amateur ninja/car salesman.
- Cap White - Hot nurse who's actually a white blood cell
- Bill Mitchell - An athlete who gets sick right before the Olympics and needs the agents to help him. Cap White is one of his white blood cells.
- Lucy - A girl whose father dies right before Christmas. Rare example of something serious in this game.
- Colonel Bob - Rich colonel who tries to earn all of his money back through (gasp!) hard work
- Amanda - Country girl who dreams of being a star.
- Tex - Amanda's Boyfriend? Meh, let's go with that for now.
- Jake - Angry peanut salesman who must stop the funniest zombie apocalypse ever
- Rhombulans - An alien race that hates music.
{{#ev:youtube|8sc1Y21Hmdg|320}}
First Used in a Poop by
Often Used by
Further Information
Can be hard to use in poop since it's a rhythm game, but some parts are perfect material.
Track List
- Walkie Talkie Man by Steriogram (Sung by Jason Paige)
- Makes No Difference by Sum 41 (Sung by Vinn Lombardo)
- Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne (Sung by Angela Michael)
- I Was Born To Love You by Freddy Mercury/Queen (Sung by Paul Vician)
- Rock This Town by The Stray Cats (Sung by Mark Latham)
- Highway Star by Deep Purple (Sung by Kaleb James)
- YMCA by The Village People (Sung by TC Moses)
- September by Earth, Wind, & Fire (Sung by TC Moses)
- Canned Heat by Jamiroquai (Sung by Jason Paige)
- Material Girl by Madonna (Sung by Melissa Garber)
- La La by Ashlee Simpson (Sung by Laura Jane)
- You're The Inspiration by Chicago (Sung by Julian Miranda)
- Let's Dance by David Bowie (Sung by Delaney Wolff)
- The Anthem by Good Charlotte (Sung by Kevin Ridel)
- Without A Fight by Hoobastank (Sung by Kevin Ridel)
- Jumping Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones (Sung by Billy Fogarty)
- Believe by Cher (Sung by Lynn Rose) (Bonus Song)
- ABC by The Jackson 5 (by TC Moses and Brittany Kertesz) (Bonus Song)
- Survivor by Destiny's Child (Sung by April Harmony) (Bonus Song)
Trivia
- Considered the best Nintendo DS game of all time by many, including Nintendo power.
- It's amazing the game didn't get a T.
- Nintendo also made Rhythm Heaven, which is sometimes considered the game's spiritual successor.
- The Elite Beat Agents are in Brawl, but only as a trophy and a sticker. Boo.
- It's Reggie Fils-Aime's favourite game.
- Minor controversy arose when a 4-year-old kid failed the first section of a certain song and saw a naked girl as a result (no seriously, try failing that song), leading to a lawsuit. Nintendo simply said that it's the kid's fault for sucking so badly at the game.
- The Elite Beat Agents sing Material Girl in the shower.
- Depending on the mission, if the Elite Beat Agents fail a mission, people die. Do know how that feels? When someone dies because of you? Would you really want that job?
- Two of the songs are done by the guy who sang the Pokemon theme. Really.
- If Totally Spies is the queen of catering to fetishes, Elite Beat Agents might be the... jester. Aha! Didn't see that coming, did ya!?
- According to this game, our white blood cells are hot pink-haired nurses. Or, well, just one guy's, for sure.
