Soldier

This article is filed under Characters.

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FARM

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The Soldier in his early days during The 2Fort War, nicknamed "The Blue Bomber" during that time.

The Soldier is one of Heavy Weapons Guy's and Demoman's gay soldier-lovers in Team Fortress 2. He is known to be one of Mama Luigi's few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny explosion fetish.

Cultural Heritage: A real American.

Arsenal

• Rocket Launcher: Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
• Shotgun: Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
• Shovel: The very one which will eventually be used to bury him. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

Update

• Direct Hit: Fires rockets, but they're stronger and have less splash damage, hence the "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!
• Buff Banner: Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and surrender your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the Shotgun.
• Equalizer: As you take more damage, you become faster and stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Replaces the Shovel.

Community

• Pain Train: A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the Shovel.

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Aren't you persistent, Soldier?

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World War II

Growing up in a militaristic family, as a young boy the Soldier always wanted to fight in a war one day. But after being rejected from every U.S. military branch (including the Coast Guard), the Soldier took it on himself to defend his country even if his country wouldn't let them. He personally dropped into what he thought was Nazi Germany but he ended up way off-course, deep in Soviet territory. Despite this, the Soldier learned the art of combat and went on a massive killing spree that lasted until hearing about the end of the war in the early 50s.

Vietnam and 2Fort

He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honor by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

Quotes

• "AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
• "UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
• "HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
• "BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE."
• "SCREAMIN' EAGULS!"
• "You are all maggots, you scum sucking fruit baskets!"
• "IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
• "That Scout is a faggot!"
• "Scotland is NOT a real country! You are an Englishman in a DRESS!"
• "(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
• "Your white flag does not stop American bullets!"
• "C'mere Cupcake!"
• "Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
• "This American boot just kicked your ass back to Russia!"
• "You're like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you're Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
• "GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
• "You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
• "Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
• "We've failed, men!"
• "WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"

File:Painis Cupcake.png

The soldier as Painis Cupcake.

Trivia

• He owns a FARM.
• Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
• He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
• The BLU Soldier goes under the alias Jane Doe and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED Demoman.
• Is rumored to be the evolved form of the Civilian.
• Often paired with the Engineer in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
• Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with Haruhi, Tidyup, Loud Kiddington and possibly Super Robotnik.
• Can do a Falcon Punch, as exampled in this video.
• Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
• He has two grenades where his testicles should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
• Is a great juggler.
• Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has no friends.
• His voice actor did several roles in Star Fox 64, including Wolf O'Donnell, General Pepper, Leon Powalski, and Andross.
• Can transform into the evil known as the "Painis Cupcake".

See Also

• Team Fortress 2