Willy Wonka

This article is filed under Characters.

Willy's dancing to a ritual for hopes to find some new children to have around.

Willy Wonka, commonly known as Willy Wanker, is a crazy pedophile that owns a candy factory. This candy is alleged to be made out of little boys' nuts immersed into little girls' love juice but some say that it is a rare chocolate found in Bosnia. Still, some others think say that his candy is crap coated LSD tablets.

Likes

• Candy
• Taking people on psychotic boat rides.
• Making sure people get mindfucked.
• Yelling out "You Get Nothing!" and "You Lose!" to random people.
• Looking like a cross between Marilyn Manson and the Russian lady from Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull.
• Seeing MacArthur Park burning in the dark.
• Sarcastically making you tell him more about random things (such as Tony Romo or the iPhone 5)

Dislikes

• Lex Luthor (Says that pedophilia is WRONG!!!!)
• Gum
• Sonic (Says that pedophilia is no-good, although it is very well known that Sonic himself is a pedophile.)
• Oompa Loompa Unions
• Rick Astley
• Not having the recipes to his candies ever again.

Trivia

• His chocolate factory was once just a standard chocolate factory, until it one day closed, only to reopen as one of the weirdest places on earth.

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Here's his (in)famous chocolate bar.

• His father was a dentist that prohibited candy. In fact, he one time burned all of Willy's Halloween candy, the dick.
  • After this, he ran away from his home, claiming to go to such chocolaty places as Bavaria and the like.
• After realizing that he was growing old, he decided to give his chocolate factory to the winner out of the 5 golden tickets.

Quotes

• "I'm EXTRAORDINARILY busy, sir."
• "WRONG, SIR, WRONG!"
• "...SO YOU GET.. NOTHING!! YOU LOSE!! GOOD DAY, SIR!!"
• "You can suck 'em, and suck 'em, and suck 'em and they'll never get smaller, never!"
• "Strawberries taste like strawberries, schnoz berries taste like schnoz berries!"
• "Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?"
• "Don't touch that squirrel's nuts!"

Wonkology

Willy Wonka has his own religion, which was created on June 59th, 20XX. The rules of it are simple: Eat lots of candy, and hump 12 sheep a day. Because if its simplicity, and the popularity of sheep raping, the religion has many followers.

Notable Wonkologists

• Charlie Fucket Bucket
• The Food Loving King
• You
• Link
• If I listed all the other notable people who were Wonkologists, the internet would probably explode.