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Kingdom Cum

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas

Kingdom Cum is a kingdom that is obviously obsessed with cum. It is a magical place where cum is available in infinite amounts for consumption. Its capital and largest city is Cummingham. Population, as of the 2010 census, was 2,000,000.

Many people have visited it, and it is also a successful amusement park.

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Kingdom Cum in all its AIDS-filled glory.
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A map of Kingdom Cum during the Victorian era.



Kingdom Cum was founded in 1879 on an island in the English Channel by a gay man from Arabia, who had wanted a place where people could drink cum at will without persecution by Royals. After word got out of its existence, people from all over the world flocked to Kingdom Cum.

During World War I, Kingdom Cum remained neutral.

World War II

During World War II, Kingdom Cum was taken over by Nazi Germany, who had built a concentration camp in the Kingdom. During this time, many of its inhabitants were sent to and killed in these camps. In 1944, though, Kingdom Cum was liberated by the British and American military forces, though despite this, they became neutral after liberation.

Post War and Turmoil

After World War II, faced with a dwindling population, the Tsar of Kingdom Cum made a decree in 1945 that all cum was to be reserved for reproductive purposes until the population had rebounded, which had caused an outrage in the normally peaceful kingdom, causing many of its citizens to leave the Kingdom.

Rebound, Recession, and 2nd Cumming

In the 1970s, the population, which had dwindled greatly since the 1940s, started to rebound, due to a mass increase in the number of people, who had originally come to visit, moving to the island to drink the infinite amounts of cum that Kingdom Cum boasted. In addition, the economy soared due to tourism from all over the world. This period of boom lasted until the early 1990s, when tourism fell, causing an economic recession, as the country's entire economy was built around tourism, with very little manufacturing and agricultural. In the mid Noughties, the recession ended with another boom in tourism, and an increase in the financial and manufacturing sectors, and the increase in the exports of cum.


Today, Kingdom Cum is a successful island nation with a booming economy and booming tourism.


The economy of Kingdom Cum is nearly 75% tourism, which is down from 95% in 1980, due to an increase in the financial and manufacturing sectors of Kingdom Cum's economy in recent years, and from exports of cum to other countries throughout the world.


The government of Kingdom Cum is a constitutional monarchy headed by Tsar Semenstrotsky IV and Prime Minister Winston Jizenpanz of the Cum Cock Party.


The parliament of Kingdom Cum is primarily dominated by the Cum Cock Party, which holds about 70% of the seats in the parliament. Other parties with members in parliament are the Semecratic Party (12%), the Cumservative Party (12%), the Splücialist Party (5%), and the Cummunist Party (1 member). Independent members consist of 0.95% of the parliament.


Crime rates are currently 5%, 75% of which are sexual harassment and assault charges. Murder rates in Kingdom Cum are at absolute 0, while robbery was 25%, of which, 100% of robbery crimes were robberies of Sperm Banks.

People Banned From Kingdom Cum

Attempted Destructions of Kingdom Cum

Numerous attempts have been made to destroy Kingdom Cum, mainly by people who are dicks that want to ruin it for everyone.

  • Conker the Squirrel formed an alliance with Buga, Regular Luigi, Oogtar and Sonic to destroy Kingdom Cum. Failed due to Buga bragging about his "big bone" and Oogtar eating the explosives.
  • Brock Samson almost succeeded in the destruction of Kingdom Cum, only to stop when God Luigi challenged him to a battle. (Brock won, by the way)
  • King Koopa attempted to destroy the kingdom with bombs. Failed due to dropping them on the wrong place.
  • Conker managed to successfully destroy the kingdom with a new army, but God Luigi rebuilt it.
  • Scott once attempted to send shipments of termite-filled underwear to the citizens of Kingdom Cum as part of his terrible scheme, but failed because Google had the place closed for maintenance.
  • Daisy tried to ally with Princess Toadstool to build a Large Hadron Collider, causing a void. It failed because they hadn't any hadrons to use.
  • The ghost of Bowser Jr. tried taking over Kingdom Cum by haunting the whole Kingdom. His plans were foiled when Gwonam called the Ghostbusters.
  • Super Buu tried to destroy Kingdom Cum by turning all the cum into chocolate, because he thought it was vanilla. Successful, but unfortunatly Gwonam replaced all the cum with his, and Super Buu got kicked out.
  • A terrorist cell, led by Robin Hood, plotted an attempted bombing of the capital city, Cummingham, using a nuclear weapon of mass destruction. Internal issues caused the plan's failure, though.