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Gabe Newell

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Gabe Newell in all his glory

Name: Gabe Logan Newell
Sex: Male
Age: 49
Occupation(s): Managing Director of Valve Corporation

Gabe Newell (Alias GabeN, Gay Ben or G.A.B.E.N.) is the co-founder of Valve Corporation, the company responsible for popular video games such as Half-Life, Portal, Team Fortress 2 and Left 4 Dead.

History

A younger Gaben.

Gabe Newell was born in 1962, and he was the most intelligent man at Harvard University, causing a huge number of teachers to lose their job. He replaced all of them! Then with his gigantic brain, he went to Microsoft, only to be fired by Bill Gates for hacking his high-tech computers. During his time in unemployment he became so depressed he began to eat his weight in food every day. Gabe's huge stockpile of money from his days at Microsoft began to dwindle quickly due to his newfound eating habits. It would be the next spring (after Gabe's hibernation) before he would answer a newspaper ad looking for a helping hand...

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Gabe Newell's great great grandpa, seen here plundering the high seas for "booty".

Valve Corporation

Before Gabe turned it into a videogame company, Valve was a plumbing syndicate, founded by two famous plumbers, but the syndicate went bankrupt thanks to Gabe wasting all their money on food. So, he decided to turn the old plumbing corporation into a merry land of fun, joy, and Russians. This was a drastic business transition but it earned the company a big enough profit to keep itself afloat while still being able to manage Gabe's monstrous appetite.

List of video games made by Valve

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What a wonderful afternoon...
  • Half-Life (1998)
  • Half-Life: Opposing Force (1999)
  • Counter-Strike (1999)
  • Day of Defeat (1999)
  • Team Fortress Classic (1999)
  • Ricochet (2000)
  • Half-Life: Blue Shift (2001)
  • Half-Life: Decay (2001)
  • Half Life 2 (2004)
  • Half Life 2: Deathmatch (2004)
  • Counter-Strike: Source (2005)
  • Day of Defeat: Source (2005)
  • Half Life 2: Episode 1 (2006)
  • The Orange Box (2007)
  1. Half Life 2: Episode 2
  2. Portal
  3. Team Fortress 2

Likes

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Gabe Newell's final form.

Dislikes

  • Other FPS games
  • Being called fat
  • Being called "Gay Ben"
  • PS3, until recently when, Chad Warden said he would take away his food if he didn't make Portal 2 on the PS3 better than on the 360.
  • The number 3

Liked by

  • Half-Life Fans
  • Bronies
  • His wife

Disliked by

  • Other video game companies.
  • Fans who want to play Half-Life 2: Episode 3 already.

Trivia

  • To stop a Gay Ben, you must gently calm it down and press the Gaben.
  • He has a wife and two diabetic children.
  • He's also playable in Left 4 Dead.
  • He is a playable character in Freak Fortress and Vs. Saxton Hale custom gamemodes for Team Fortress 2.
  • He caused at least three quarters of every single earthquake from 1963 to date.
  • TyrannosaurusReich loves him. Maybe even more than he loves Mai.
  • Gabe used to own a Bowflex machine, but he ended up eating it whole.
  • He has a secret desire to be Ringo Starr of The Beatles.
  • Everytime you insult Gabe's girth, Episode 3 gets delayed another week. Think about that before you say something next time.
  • Super Mario 64 taught him that games are art,and Doom taught him games are the future of entertainment.
  • GLaDOS knows he's a procrastinator.