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Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead is a survival-horror shooter game where you must descend through seemingly infinite hordes of zombies while grabbing as many bottles of pills as you can.
Survivors[edit]
Left 4 Dead[edit]
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- Bill - A senile old war veteran who likely suffers from PTSD and minor dementia. When he was your age, he was shooting up Vietnamese militants, today he finds himself shooting up zombies. However due to his mental disorders he believes he's back in Vietnam fighting off unarmed Vietcong.
- Louis - Was likely a manager of a pharmacy before the zombie apocalypse struck, hence his obsession with pills. When the other three survivors found him before the events of Left 4 Dead he was held up in a fort of pill canisters he personally built, tripping his balls off on Tylenol. Francis knocked the fort over setting Louis into a frenzy. Zoey and Bill managed to incapacitate him long enough to calm him down with more pills.
- Francis - The bad-ass biker dude who tries too hard to hate everything. In the end it backfires on him once he starts hating his hatred, and he becomes severely depressed. It has been confirmed that he is a furry and Francis neither tries to hide nor deny these allegations.
- Zoey - She just comes along so that the other three don't look gay. Started having a relationship with Francis until he revealed that he hated her of course, so now she sticks with Louis.
Left 4 Dead 2[edit]
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- Coach - A football coach at a local school until the zombie apocalypse began. Although he lacks an obsession for pills he loves football. He wishes the helicopter was made out of chocolate and that the jets flying overhead are dropping footballs on them. Sadly neither are the case.
- Ellis - A native of the deep South. He has a passion for horses, a theme park known as Kiddyland, and his secret butt-buddy Keith, and is always willing to share his stories even when nobody wants to hear it. That reminds me, did I ever tell you guys about the time me and Keith...
- Nick - A gambler and con-artist whose suit is probably worth more than he is, he constantly cusses and shouts in a negative manner and makes fun of the others usually. He especially has a thing for tits and since the infection has been on an endless quest for them. He refuses to touch Rochelle's since she's too boring.
- Rochelle - A former news producer, and according to the fanbase possibly the most boring character of the four, which is ironic being that she's a black woman and stereotypes dictate otherwise. Nobody wants to play as her, seriously.
Pills[edit]
Pills are the second most important item in this game next to actual healthkits. Thanks to the marvel of modern medicine the pills have the ability to temporarily recover your health and alleviate pain from being torn to shreds by mindless infected. The art of "grabbin' pills" is a slow and difficult process to learn, but one no doubt worth mastering. Louis has an addiction (And minor dependency) to pills, and Grandpa Bill needs them for his lower back pain.
After grabbin' said pills, the player must swallow the entire bottle in order for the procedure to work. The player will then feel an overwhelming sense of relief and painlessness. Do not be alarmed if you experience visual or auditory hallucinations or start turning deathly pale, as these are normal side effects. If you start to black out or your vision becomes blurry, you should probably start inducing vomiting.
If there are no pills around to grab, one can always try grabbin' heroin I mean adrenaline instead. Though adrenaline doesn't heal as much it gives you that boost of energy that will make you feel godlike before you get mauled to death by something.
Special Zombies[edit]
- Tank - The Tourettes Guy as a zombie. He can throw chunks of sidewalk at you or fucking run you over. Either way you're dead.
- Boomer - The zombified manifestation of VALVe President Gabe Newell, he vomits on people...yeah.
- Smoker - A chain-smoking zombie who grabs the Survivors with his tongue and reels them in sort of like fishing.
- Hunter - He likes to jump on people and rape them to death, especially Zoey.
- Witch - This bitch of a witch is seen crying for some reason around areas. If you startle her she'll tear you several new assholes with her claws. To insta-kill a witch, bother it and when it's in the middle of getting up, give a good Old Yeller (shotgun blast to the head) to it.
Left 4 Dead 2[edit]
- Charger - Charges and pummels players into the ground with its enormous fucking arm.
- Spitter - Think a Boomer, only instead of spraying a volatile chemical that attracts a horde of bloodthirsty zombies it spits a volatile chemical that burns like hell.
- Jockey - This zombie enjoys piggy-back rides! To prove it he'll get on top of you and control you while ripping your spine out!
