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Facepalm Luigi

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas

Name: Emo Luigi
Appears In: Super Mario World
Sex: Male

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

Emo Luigi is one of Luigi's many forms (also known by SuperYoshi and TheDumbening as Facepalm Luigi). This is what happens when Luigi discovers the effect he has had on YouTube Poop, or once he realises he is no longer funny.

Effect on Personal Life

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It's all his fault.

When Luigi becomes emo, it has drastic effects on the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing business. One day, in 1997, Mario and Luigi were called to fix a problem with the great toilet of Robotnik. When they arrived, they discovered that Robotnik's toilet had been clogged up with something nasty. As Mario attempted to use a plunger to fix it, Luigi watched closely. Then it happened. The plunger broke in half, and the bottom segment went down the drain. Luigi attempted to save it, but he was too late. He ran out of Robotnik's Fortress, and was found a few hours later next to a dustbin in Florida.

Luigi spent the next few months thinking about the plunger, thinking that it's loss was all his fault. On November 18th of that year, Luigi attempted to slit his wrist with the sharp side of a Yoshi egg. Unfortunately for him, the lightbulb exploded, and Luigi spent a few hours crying in the darkness. Eventually, Mario came in to fix the light bulb, whilst Luigi wrote a poem about how much he missed the old lightbulb and cried enough to cry himself to sleep that night.

He now believes that he is to blame for everything that has ever happened, including the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, World War II, AIDS, the Seattle SuperSonics moving to Oklahoma City to become the Oklahoma City Thunder, and the Arizona Cardinals making it in the 2008/2009 playoffs and Super Bowl XLIII.

Suicide Attempts

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Sometimes, not even lotsa spaghetti can snap Luigi out of his depression.

Luigi has attempted to commit suicide on over 9000 occasions:

  • March 5, 1997 - Hanging. Failed due to lack of rope.
  • June 16, 1997 - Hanging. Failed due to too much rope.
  • November 9, 1997 - Slitting Wrist. Failed due to power failure.
  • December 2, 1997 - Electrocution. Failed due to power cut.
  • Febuary 6, 1997 - Jumping off a building. Failed as the building was actually a small garage.
  • May 5, 1998 - Slitting Wrist. Failed due to the fact condoms cant cut your wrist.
  • May 3, 1999 - Suffocation. Failed as the condom was too small.
  • May 5, 2000 - STD. Failed because he forgot to take the condom off.
  • August 8, 2002 - Drug Overdose. Success. Unfortunately, medics came and revived him.
  • March 9, 2004 - Deliberate overdose on bacon. Success. Unfortunately Fat Mario arrived to suck the fat out of him. Luigi then suffered from mixed emotions of sadness and sensation that lasted for an entire year.
  • April 7, 2005 - Tried to drown himself. Failed because he thought it was boring.
  • January 9, 2007 - Bowel Obstruction. Failed due to the fact laxatives don't obstruct bowels.
  • June 3, 2007 - Laid in the middle of a freeway, expecting to get run over.
  • July 2, 2007 - Finally gave up waiting to get run over and jumped off the freeway, unfortunately landing in a passing pillow, marshmallow, and cotton swab truck.
  • October 3, 2007 - Attempted to freeze himself in the cold, October temperatures of Alaska. He then found himself face-to-face with a Fire Sumo.
  • October 8, 2007 - Pissed off a Fire Sumo on purpose so that it would crack the ground open below him and Luigi would fall to his death. Unfortunately he found a magic balloon.
  • October 13, 2007 - Realized that select days of his previous suicide attempts were consecutive digit of pi, and thus attempted to overdose on pumpkin pie. Failed due to the fact that he got full, and that he is not allergic to pumpkin.
  • October 29, 2007 - Tried to hang himself with the invisible long string from the magic balloon that he found. Failed when he found out that he not only couldn't find the string that he held, he also didn't find a perfectly suitable place for him to hang himself.
  • December 2, 2007 - Stabbed his stomache and the left testicle after the pooper known as Deepercutt publicly humiliated him by showing an unreleased music video of the song "Watch Me Bleed" starring Emo Luigi himself.
  • December 6, 2007 - Shot himself in the head after King Koopa killed Mario, Toad, and Peach. R.I.P. Emo Luigi....maybe....
Even frog suits can't cure Luigi of his emo-ness
  • December 7, 2007 - Got up after lying on the ground FOR HOURS when he got bored of pretending to be dead. He missed his head by six inches and incedently shot TREE.
  • December 9, 2007 - Attempted to piss off Brock Samson in hopes the he would finnally die, but Brock took Emo Luigi's jokes and insults as friendly gestures and left him alone.

{{#ev:youtube|etM8vQh6ANc|320}}

  • December 13, 2007 - Tried to deliberately be crushed to death inside a working trash compactor. Success, but instead of killing him, left Luigi in a cartoonish cube shape for the rest of the day.
  • January 1, 2008 - Tried to drown himself in champagne at his New Year's party. Failed due to the fact that he didn't even have a New Year's party.
  • January 15, 2008 - Attempted to jump off the roof of the nearest video game store because Super Smash Bros. Brawl was delayed AGAIN. Survived with extremely minor bruises.
  • (Friday) Febuary 13, 2008 - Tried to get Jason Voorhees to kill him. Failed due to that Jason was dead.
  • March 9th, 2008 - Attempted to enter the Negative Zone, getting himself killed after all the Brawl Copies got sold out. Failed not only because Regular Luigi got probation on the move shortly before he managed to patent the new move after Dio Brando had sued him of the move, but also because Emo Luigi cant perform this move without switching back to Regular Luigi without losing his emo state.
  • September 11th, 2008 - Attempted to go back in time to Sep. 11th 2001 and get on a hijacked plane to get himself killed. Failed due to Osama Bin Laden actually raping him in the plane bathroom and safely landing to let him get off.
  • September 16, 2008 - Attempted to fall in Jonas Bros. mosh pit during a concert in Chicago. Last seen in critical condition, with cooties all over him, and his ears bleeding due to the screaming. He is expected to make a recovery. M. Bison's response: "YES!"
  • September 20, 2008 - Attempted to unplug his life support machine next to his hospital bed. Failed due to his inability to move his broken arms.
  • October 7, 2008 - Walked out of hospital, fully healed, and jumped into a manhole and tried drowning himself (again). Failed because the stench was just too much.
  • October 10, 2008 - Ate a bag of kitty litter. Failed, but he did get bad breath.
  • October 12, 2008 - Swallowed at tooth brush trying to get rid of his bad breath, but it melted inside of his stomach due to the powerful emo acids inside of it.
  • October 12, 2008 (One minute after last one)- Emo Luigi decided to die the simple way: plastic bag. He was breathing it so hard that it was sucked up into his nose and flew down into his stomach once again to be destroyed by his emo acids.
  • October 13, 2008 - Attempted to piss off Shadow the Hedgehog by making fun of Maria. Failed because Shadow was too much into his flashbacks of pain to notice. Emo Luigi ignored the last sentence typed and woke Shadow up to try to piss him off again. Failed because Shadow felt his emo-pain radiation and became friends with him.
  • October 17, 2008 - Due to the incredible depression of not being invited to Walrusguy's joyous return party, he stood out in the Chocolate Rain, hoping this would coat him in chocolate and get kids to eat him. Unfortunately, it only coated his clothes, causing the children to devour his clothes, and leaving him not only emo, but also completely naked.
  • October 31, 2008 - Tried goring himself on a chainsaw. Failed, due to the fact that it was a Halloween episode of the show, and as such, is never canon.
  • November 3, 2008 - Tried to call Q Strange to finally kill him once and for all. Failed because he didn't realize that he changed his ways for his own son.
  • November 11, 2008 - Tried to get candy by singing at door to door, due to a Dutch Holiday (Not a vacation). Failed, because everyone thought he thought it was Halloween, and declined him.
  • November 12, 2008 - Tried to hang himself because he didn't get his candy. Failed because he found a shitload of candy inside the walls of his house.
  • December 12, 2008 - Tried to kill himself by wondering in the woods to find a real live serial killer unexpectedly. Didn't work because he accidently killed the serial killer that he wanted to find.
  • December 26, 2008 - After getting nothing that he desires for this Christmas, he decided to kill himself by getting the wired decorations off his Christmas tree and placing them around his neck. He almost successed, but it didn't work due to him getting a last minute gift that he really likes before he died.
  • December 27, 2008 - After getting nothing at all for boxing day, he tried to piss off a kangaroo by honking his car horn at it. Unfortunately, the kangaroo died from shock, only to be revived three minutes later and steal his money and then die again.
  • December 29, 2008 - Attempted to get some recognition by kidnapping Dick Clark just days before his annual New Years' special. Unfortunately, there were other hosts he had not considered. Also, he was unable to kidnap Dick Clark because, well, he's fucking Dick Clark!
  • December 31, 2008/January 1, 2009 - Attempeted to get squished by that giant ball that's always on that one tower in the little known town of New York City. Was ten seconds too late from being killed because police officers saved him from being squished before the New Year officially began.
  • January 18, 2009 - Tried to hang himself when he saw that the Arizona Cardinals had came from behind against the Philadelphia Eagles and made it to the Super Bowl. Stopped doing it when he found out that the Pittsburgh Steelers were also going there.
  • January 31, 2009 - Almost accidentally died when he slipped on fallen spaghetti while preparing for his pre-Super Bowl party.
  • February 2, 2009 - Tried to drown himself in Gaara's sand for no apparant reason. (Probably to celebrate the Pittsburgh Steelers' close victory in the Super Bowl.) Failed because Gaara is also emo, and the two fell in love. It was said that those who weren't either Gaara or Emo Luigi that were within 30 miles of this epic cum spurge would die instantenously. Those who were within an 100 mile radius were partially burned from their faces.
  • March 12, 2009 - Went back to the present and tried to suffocate himself with a giant condom. Failed because there was a rip in it. It also happened to be a used condom, but before he could drown himself in the semen, Gay Luigi and Oogtar drank it all.
  • March 22, 2009 - Attempted to get his Blastoise to drown him because he accidentally released his shiny Chimchar. Failed because Pokemon don't exist.
  • March 28, 2009 - Attempted to shoot himself after the The Fairly OddParents: Wishology trailer aired and he saw that Timmy was going to end up with Trixie. He had lousy aim and instead shot his TV.
  • April 1, 2009 - After realizing that Little Kuriboh wasn't abridging Yu-Gi-Oh anymore, he tried to kill himself. Then, everyone shouted, "April Fools!" and gave Luigi a heart attack. His ghost then said "April Fools!" and returned to life. Freaking ghost.
  • April 5, 2009 - Tried losing to Seth in Street Fighter IV. Failed because Seth isn't even a real person, and as a Nintendo character, doesn't have an Xbox.
  • April 6, 2009 - Pushed his belly button, hoping it was a self-destruct button. Failed because he doesn't even have a belly button.
  • April 7, 2009 - Moved to Jamaica and attempted to offend the people there. Failed because they were on their early summer holiday and didn't care.
  • April 20, 2009 - He heard of Bowser Jr's successful suicide in 1988, and tried killing himself again, as he deemed himself a failure. He did succeed, but was revived by King Koopa as an act of cruelty.
  • May 15, 2009 - Went back to 1945 to try to tell Hitler he was a Jew, but failed because he went to 1945 B.C. insted of 1945 A.D.

In the Media

With so much emo, it was inevitable that Emo Luigi would someday create his own depressing music video before one of his suicide attempts would actually work. His video, "Watch Me Bleed" (directed by Deepercutt), is shown on the right. Emo Luigi grew even more emo after realizing the video's high popularity and success.

{{#ev:youtube|ACPyVTjxGxU|320}}

Notable Things Which Turned Luigi Emo

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Mario scolds Luigi for being so emo.

Quotes

  • "crying"
  • "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!"
  • "WHERE'S THE LIGHTSWITCH" (Said shortly after suicide attempt No. 6)
  • "I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT!" (Said after he got Princess Peach pregnant with emo babies)
  • "WE RESCUED THE SHIT!"
  • "YOSHI?!!!"
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