Willy Wonka

This article is filed under Characters.

[[Category:Characters - Appears in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory]]

Willy Wonka, commonly known as Willy Wanker, is a crazy pedophile that owns a candy factory. This candy is alleged to be made out of little boys' nuts immersed into little girls' love juice but some say that it is a rare chocolate found in Bosnia. Still, some others think say that his candy is crap coated LSD tablets.

Likes

• Candy
• Taking people on psychotic boat rides.
• Making sure people get mindfucked.
• Yelling out "You Get Nothing!" and "You Lose!" to random people.
• Looking like a cross between Marilyn Manson and the Russian lady from Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull.
• Seeing MacArthur Park burning in the dark.
• Sarcastically making you tell him more about random things (such as Tony Romo or the iPhone 5)

Hates

• Lex Luthor (Says that pedophilia is WRONG!!!!)
• Gum
• Sonic (Says that pedophilia is no-good, although it is very well known that Sonic himself is a pedophile.)
• Oompa Loompa Unions
• Rick Astley
• Not having the recipes to his candies ever again.

Trivia

• His chocolate factory was once just a standard chocolate factory, until it one day closed, only to reopen as one of the weirdest places on earth.

His father was a dentist that prohibited candy. In fact, he one time burned all of Willy's Halloween candy, the dick. After this, he ran away from his home, claiming to go to such chocolaty places as and the like. After realizing that he was growing old, he decided to give his chocolate factory to the winner out of the 5 golden tickets.

Quotes

• "I'm EXTRAORDINARILY busy, sir."
• "WRONG, SIR, WRONG!"
• "...SO YOU GET.. NOTHING!! YOU LOSE!! GOOD DAY, SIR!!"
• "You can suck 'em, and suck 'em, and suck 'em and they'll never get smaller, never!"
• "Strawberries taste like strawberries, schnoz berries taste like schnoz berries!"
• "Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?"
• "Don't touch that squirrel's nuts!"