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Difference between revisions of "Heavy Weapons Guy"

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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{{char}}
 
{{char}}
  
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'''Heavy Weapons Guy''' is a [[fat]], bald, maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when sombody touches his lover/gun/masturbatory aid, Sasha.
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'''Heavy Weapons Guy''', or '''Heavy''' for short, is a [[fat]], bald, maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when somebody touches his gun/lover/masturbatory aid, Sasha. He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.
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He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacaring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.
 
  
 
Cultural Heritage: Russian
 
Cultural Heritage: Russian
  
 
[[Image:BULLET.JPG|thumb|right|BOOLET.]]
 
[[Image:BULLET.JPG|thumb|right|BOOLET.]]
 +
==Arsenal==
 +
===Basic===
 +
*'''Sasha''': His trademark Minigun he once used to keep thousands from getting over the [[Communism|Berlin Wall]]. Approach with caution.
 +
*'''Shotgun''': His other gun. Used on weekends for hunting quail with the [[Medic]]. Used on weekdays for hunting [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|''leetle babeh men.'']]
 +
*'''Fists''': Used for [[Falcon Punch|punching]] the tiny faces of his foes in. The latest Cyborg technology has given him the ability to fire lethal bullets from his fingers.
 +
===Update===
 +
*'''Natascha''': Though not as powerful as Sasha, it slows down his opponents, which could make them easier kills. Replaces ''Sasha.''
 +
*'''[[Sandvich]]:''' The delicious deli product with a Slavic accent! Used for healing himself and [[Pizza Party|general dickery in matches]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
 +
*'''Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB)''': Not to be mistaken for the Soviet Secret Service's initials, these gloves give the Heavy's ''Fists'' an extra "kick".
  
 +
==Relationships==
 +
Heavy is in mad love with his weapons, especially Sasha, though he occasionally cheats on her by switching to Natascha for dealing with those pesky [[Scout]]s.
 +
 +
He is best buddies of the Medic, though many believe their friendship goes beyond that.
 +
 +
His worst enemy is the [[Scout]] who always tries to steal his sandwiches for himself, the pig.
 
==Quotes==
 
==Quotes==
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[[Image:Heavyweaponsguy 003 0001.jpg|thumb|right|WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!]]
 
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|I am heavy weapons guy. AND THIS, is my weapon.}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|I am heavy weapons guy. AND THIS, is my weapon.}}
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{{poopquote|Heavy|Some people think they can outsmart me....maybe *sniff* maybe.... I have yet meet one that can outsmart BULLET.}}
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{{poopquote|Heavy|Some people think they can outsmart me....maybe *sniff* maybe.... I have yet meet one that can outsmart BULLET.}}[[Image:Heavyweaponsguy 003 0001.jpg|thumb|right|WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!]]
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CRY SOME MORE}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CRY SOME MORE}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|MEDIC}}
 
{{poopquote|Heavy|MEDIC}}
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*It is rumored that he may be in a [[No|relationship]] with the [[Soldier]].
 
*It is rumored that he may be in a [[No|relationship]] with the [[Soldier]].
 
*It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
 
*It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
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*Had a threesome with Sasha and BULLET at the same time. He humped Sasha while having BULLET shoved up his ass.
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*Robbed a Mcdonalds once for their McGriddles.
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*Robbed a Mcdonalds once
 
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*SASHA AND HIM HAVE SEX
 
 
*Sasha was also raped by the [[Scout]] when he took her out for a steak dinner.
 
*Sasha was also raped by the [[Scout]] when he took her out for a steak dinner.
 
*[[Leon]], one of the Heavy's rivals, knows a way to outsmart his bullet, though he believes it's a lie.
 
*[[Leon]], one of the Heavy's rivals, knows a way to outsmart his bullet, though he believes it's a lie.
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*Is sometimes called '''the Heavy'''.
 
 
*Has a [[Medic]] fetish.[[Image:Hwgfn5.png|thumb|Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a [[Ken|circus.]]]]
 
*Has a [[Medic]] fetish.[[Image:Hwgfn5.png|thumb|Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a [[Ken|circus.]]]]
 
*Has yet to meet one who can outsmart [[shit|bullshit]]
 
*Has yet to meet one who can outsmart [[shit|bullshit]]
 
*Was once killed by [[Gordon Freeman]]
 
*Was once killed by [[Gordon Freeman]]
 +
*Works part-time at a deli to help pay the rent/steal sandwiches.
 +
*His bullets are smarter than him.
 
*It is believed that Heavy actually scared [[retard|someone]] with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
 
*It is believed that Heavy actually scared [[retard|someone]] with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
 
*Being [[Falcon Punch|punched]] by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: an Axe, a Shovel, a Bottle (broken or not), A Bonesaw, a Wrench and a Kukri.
 
*Being [[Falcon Punch|punched]] by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: an Axe, a Shovel, a Bottle (broken or not), A Bonesaw, a Wrench and a Kukri.

Revision as of 17:35, 17 June 2009

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

Heavy Weapons Guy, or Heavy for short, is a fat, bald, maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when somebody touches his gun/lover/masturbatory aid, Sasha. He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.

Cultural Heritage: Russian

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
BOOLET.

Arsenal

Basic

  • Sasha: His trademark Minigun he once used to keep thousands from getting over the Berlin Wall. Approach with caution.
  • Shotgun: His other gun. Used on weekends for hunting quail with the Medic. Used on weekdays for hunting leetle babeh men.
  • Fists: Used for punching the tiny faces of his foes in. The latest Cyborg technology has given him the ability to fire lethal bullets from his fingers.

Update

  • Natascha: Though not as powerful as Sasha, it slows down his opponents, which could make them easier kills. Replaces Sasha.
  • Sandvich: The delicious deli product with a Slavic accent! Used for healing himself and general dickery in matches. Replaces the Shotgun.
  • Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB): Not to be mistaken for the Soviet Secret Service's initials, these gloves give the Heavy's Fists an extra "kick".

Relationships

Heavy is in mad love with his weapons, especially Sasha, though he occasionally cheats on her by switching to Natascha for dealing with those pesky Scouts.

He is best buddies of the Medic, though many believe their friendship goes beyond that.

His worst enemy is the Scout who always tries to steal his sandwiches for himself, the pig.

Quotes

Heavy Heavy

Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?

Heavy Heavy

I am heavy weapons guy. AND THIS, is my weapon.

Heavy Heavy

Some people think they can outsmart me....maybe *sniff* maybe.... I have yet meet one that can outsmart BULLET.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!
Heavy Heavy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CRY SOME MORE

Heavy Heavy

MEDIC

Heavy Heavy

It costs 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon...for 12 seconds.

Heavy Heavy

MEDIIIIC

Heavy Heavy

DOCTAR

Heavy Heavy

I LOVE THIS DOCTAR!

Heavy Heavy

OM NOM NOM OM NOM

Heavy Heavy

YATATATATATATATATATDODODODUDUDADADADA KABOOM! KABOOM!

Heavy Heavy

I HEAR SOMEONE BUILDING DIAPER CHANGING STATION!

Heavy Heavy

WHAT WAS THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL? GOOD IDEA! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Trivia

  • He Is rumoured to be having an affair with Natasha
  • It is rumored that he may be in a relationship with the Soldier.
  • It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
  • Robbed a Mcdonalds once for their McGriddles.
  • Sasha was also raped by the Scout when he took her out for a steak dinner.
  • Leon, one of the Heavy's rivals, knows a way to outsmart his bullet, though he believes it's a lie.
  • Has a Medic fetish.
    Error creating thumbnail: File missing
    Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a circus.
  • Has yet to meet one who can outsmart bullshit
  • Was once killed by Gordon Freeman
  • Works part-time at a deli to help pay the rent/steal sandwiches.
  • His bullets are smarter than him.
  • It is believed that Heavy actually scared someone with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
  • Being punched by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: an Axe, a Shovel, a Bottle (broken or not), A Bonesaw, a Wrench and a Kukri.

See Also

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