Sonic the Hedgehog

This article is filed under Characters.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

THAT'S NO GOOD!

Sonic is the mascot for SEGA. He hasn't eaten a single decent sword since 10 A.D. and a good game since the new millenium, depending on who you ask. Despite these all too true facts, SuperYoshi has stated on various occasions that Sonic is his favorite actor to work with. Sonic is also a lot cooler and eats less swords than those pussies Shadow and Silver. I hate these fags so much.

Biography

Sonic the Hedgehog (aka Sonico, Mr. Needlemouse, Cinos, Hedgehog and other names) was born and raised in West Philadelphia until a couple of badniks, who were up to no good, started making trouble in Green Hill. He got in one little fight and Amy got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Scrap Brain." He whistled for a cab and when it came near, he gave it the middle finger. If anything, he could have said that this cab was Tails, so he went "THAT'S NO GOOD." He pulled up to Metropolis Zone at approximately 7 or 8 to claim his throne as the prince of the video game industry. Also throughout his entire career, Sonic has been in the porn industy..Yep...Look it up anywhere I ain't lyin...

Crimes

Is believed to have assassinated John Lennon. What a fag.

Quotes

• EXACTLY!
• LET'S SHIT!
• That's no good.
• You're too slow!
• URRNGH! I'm MasturBAAAAAAATIIIIIIING!!!
• Too easy! Piece of cay-ache!
• Shit!
• He's just a piece o' cheesy hardware!

Sonic before Sonic Shuffle

Likes

• Freedom
• Chili Dawgs
• Tails
• Himself
• Relaxing
• Knuckles
• Being a fucking DJ.
• Lots of people. (EXCEPT both Amy Rose and Robotnik.)
• Masturbating
• Tormenting Dr. Robotnik
• Namco's Soulcalibur series (inspired him to get a sword for Sonic and the Black Knight
• Robotnik's Penis
• Gay Porn
• Having Gay sex with Tails

{{#ev:youtube|rO-Qh_jUMr8|320}}

Hates

• Water
• Swimming
• Amy Rose
• Robotnik
• Lots of things he hates.
• Silver
• Meecrob
• SNK
• Chip
• Boobs
• Pussy

People Who Like Him

• Chad Warden
• Oogtar
• Captain Planet
• Gay Luigi
• Bowser Jr,
• DaftPunkYoshi
• Amy Rose
• Chris Crocker
• Retards
• Ninja Coach Z (used to be a Sonic fanboy when he was younger)

People Who Hate Him

Sonic believes he is cool and popular, but there are actually quite a bit of people who have expressed disdain for him. Among those who have said they "hate that hedgehog":

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

• Robotnik
• Dr. Eggman
• Erazor Djinn
• Grouchy Smurf
• Ozu
• Mr. Grumpy (duh!)
• Mr. Clean
• Shadow (In a rival hate way)
• Mario
• Classic Sonic Fans

Trivia

{{#ev:youtube|HH7gqBReJ3o|320}}

• He loves tumble dryers.
• Has a giant ego.
• He is a pyromaniac.
• Believes that there's fire were there's smoke.
• He's trapped in there.
• He had a reputation of helping kids learn things about life in a short segment called Sonic Sez, although after an absurd confession to Tails (see above) he lost it and decided to instead teach people about how sex and drugs are cool. Sonic Sez is now the most viewed show in the world, topping all of the existing charts, and being downloaded by millions every minute.
• He is a pervert.
• Has the power to go Super with the help of Super AIDS, he is only one of three which can avoid getting killed by it(But using it too much can kill him).
• He had an car accident in 1992 and his vocal chords had to be replaced. Without anything else, the doctors gave the vocal chords of a local black kid to him. He later got his own voice back though... and then Sega forced him to change it again. Oy.
• Has a brother called Awesome Possum.
• He can play guitar. If you're lucky he'll show you his Eddie Van Hedgehog impression.
• Lost a lot of weight between the Mega Drive and Dreamcast eras.
• He has a partnership with Tex Avery.
• Did he put a tube in his mouth? Lmao?
• Spends All day in his house then he went for a 'drink' which turned to 5 and then 10 now he's drunk and he won't be able to play Sonic Unleashed properly
• He once called a male drug abusing rabbit a dyke.
• If he masturbates too much he turns into his Werehog form, as seen in Sonic Unleashed. This form is filled with primal fury and an excess of guilt.
• Is now currently worling in porno movies to help him get over his problems. (If only he knew.)
• Might be related to Don Patch.
• May or may not be Aladdin.

Quotes

• "Tails, it's gonna make my day spoiling Caterpie's day."
• "Kids, there's nothing more cool than being hugged by SpongeBob SquarePants, but if someone tries to blow you down where it's wetter in a place or in a way that makes you feel happy, that's good. It's your weenie. No one has the right to blow you if you don't want them to, so whaddaya do?! First, ya say 'No. Not again.' Then, ya wake up in the morning. Then, ya see a whole new spectrum of pain, like a rainbow! Then, who are you supposed to be? Then, ya are better than one! Then, ya do it again. Then, ya just can't wait to BE PREPARED! Then, ya look at Mufasa. Then, ya kill him. Then, ya blow! Then, ya accept it. Then, ya really hurt my feelings. Then, ya implode. Then, ya don't even believe in cobras! Then, ya made lotsa spaghetti! Then, ya look at all these prostitutes! Then, ya know!? Then, you're dead. Then, ya take out your li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-liver bones. Then, ya like chocolate milk! Then, ya are on fire. Then, ya just wonder-wonder-wonder what Ga...non's up to. Then, ya grab my stuff, or else you will die. Then, ya saved me! Then, ya DARE bring light to my lair!? YOU MUST DIE!!! Then, you will die. Then, ya kiss your mother with that mouth. Then, ya sucks monkey fuck, sucks monkey fuck. Then, ya were made in a factory, a bomb factory. They're bombs. Then, ya watch out for Squidward. Then, ya were supposed to explode! Then, ya get outta there!"
• "You may not believe it's me. That's why I always carry this - my Capitol One card! What's in your wallet?"
• "Kids, there's nothing more cool than gold, but if someone tries to touch a single coin in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's breaking and entering. It's your gold. No one has the right to touch a single coin if you don't want them to, so whaddaya do?! First, ya say 'NOOOOOO!!' Then, ya tally it up! Then, ya pluck my tailfeathers and call me baldy! Then, ya follow the homing device. Then, ya use your tuning fork to get the map out of the ice. Then, ya take care of my nephews. Then, ya quit griping and give me a boost! Then, ya send that junky old boat to Unca Donald. Then, ya name the price and double it, and then, ya check the Junior Woodchucks' Guidebook. Then, ya open all the doors at once. Then, ya throw the switch! Then, ya search for Darkwing! Then, ya notice the enourmous flag. Then, ya pretend Mr. Bushroot is on fire! Then, ya go on a big date! Then, ya get bonked on head by raining barrel! Then, ya flee constantly. Then, ya take a Winston break! Then, ya get stuck with Jughead! Then, ya change the meaning of "for" to "from". Then, ya touch the green button. Then, ya SELL THOSE BIG MAN COMICS! Then, ya find that thing and get rid of that cat! Then, ya buy a pig-hormone off the Internet and put it on to attract chicks! Then, ya join the Navy! Then, ya start pulling your weight around here. Then, ya spit, uh, split the dimension barrier. Then, ya cool off everything but his temper! Then, ya watch 'Histeria!' Then, ya clean out your dimes and nickels."
• "Kids, there's nothing more cool than being hugged by Dr. Ivo Robotnik, but if someone tries to touch you to touch you to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel complicated, that's good! It's YOUR body. Dr. Ivo Robotnik has the right to touch you if you don't want them to, so what do you do? Say 'ahhhhhhhh'!"
• "Kids, there's nothing more cool than playing Let's Pretend! But if someone tries to put out the Darkwing in a place or in a way that makes you feel painful, that's no good! It's your body. No one has the right to put out the Darkwing if you don't want them to. So what do you do? First, ya say 'I don't need you, or you, or you, and especially not you!' Then, ya add water!"
• "Kids, there's nothing more cool than getting married in a barrel, but if someone tries to pull that baby out in a place or in a way that makes you say 'Big mistake!', that's no good!"