Gaston

This article is filed under Characters.

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you...

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Now that disturbs me.

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It's funny because it's true.

Biography

Known for his role as the villain in the film Beauty and the Beast, Gaston is a depressed hunter with a huge (unrequited) crush on Belle who once tried to take out his anger on the world by conquering it. However, he was quickly beaten and thrown into The Pit, which he has yet to return from. He hates furries like The Beast, and plots to kill all of them while standing on the rails of balconies overlooking endless chasms.

Legal Issues

Gaston was once arrested for "offerings" in a small rural neighborhood. He claimed many times to be innocent, but due to his differences, he was going to be found guilty. The judge appointed him a very smart lawyer who had later been accused of being a "Gaston-lover" and took the case full-on. The father of the victim had said that Gaston was a terrible man, who was fueled by 4 dozen extenze's in the morning, and found his daughter as his victim. Although the evidence was found that Gaston could not have done such an ill-conceived crime, the jury decided they could never keep Gaston's word over the white man and sentenced him to time in jail.

3 weeks later, Gaston got in further trouble when he tried to escape. Though he was shot down, he was really only playing dead and planning his next scheme. (It helped that he was on a sugar rush.)

Trivia

• He has an old catholic brother.
• Every last inch of him's covered with GASTON.
• He likes eggs. A lot.
  • In fact, when he was a lad, he ate 4 dozen eggs for breakfast.
    • But now that he's all grown up, he'll get large!
      • He even broke the record for eggs eaten in the morning by eating about 1,295.31 eggs.
• His hobbies include drinking beer, hunting, and physically abusing LeFou.
• Has a forum game dedicated to him.
• No one ______s like Gaston. Fill in the blank with whatever verb you fancy.
• As a specimen, yes, he's IN-TIM-I-DAT-ING!!!
• He's especially good at EX-PEC-TOR-A-TING!!!
  • How an illiterate buffoon like Gaston learned a word like "expectorating" (which means to eject from the throat or lungs by spitting, hawking, or coughing) is currently unknown. Some think that he actually meant to say "masturbating", but it was illegal to say it in pubs, so he just thought that he made that word up
• He uses antlers in all of his DE-COR-AT-ING!!!
• His marriage we soon will be CEL-E-BRAT-ING
• He is the champion of MAS-TUR-BAT-ING!!!
  • Nobody cums like Gaston.
• He's especially good at E-JAC-U-LA-TING!!!
• He's especially good at FAC-TOR-ING!!!
• No one shoots like Gaston...
  • Gets those beauts like Gaston...
    • Then gones tromping around wearing boots like Gaston.
• He's roughly the size of a baaaaarge-uh.
• He confirmed that when he was a lad, his father beat him every night to help him (Gaston) go to sleep. But now that he's grown, he (Gaston) beats his father to sleep. Harsh, isn't it?
• Gaston is the best, and the rest are all dicks!
• He laughs at the thought about women thinking. That makes him sexist.
  • In addition, he actually thinks that thinking is dangerous.
• He was listed at #5 at the Nostalgia Critic's Top 11 Disney Villains video. He especially liked the fact that he made it so high.
  • He did, however, hate the fact that his song about himself didn't make it onto the Top 11 Villains' Songs video.
• No one governs like him either. From 1989 to 1997, he was the Governor of the State of West Virginia.
• Is one of the few things liked by Encyclopedia Dramatica, along with a few other memes.
• It's said that those who look into his eyes face to face will see skulls in the black part of his eyes. Some say that his eyes show how the viewer would die in his lifetime.
• Only Gaston knows that no one's yes.
• Gaston once killed himself... by punching himself into molten lava.