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From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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3768.gifKirby likes the musician Bono and he thinks you should like him too.
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Bono, most likely singing about Africans.

In Brief[edit]

Bono is the savior of the Africans, the man responsible for making them what they are today (that is, AIDS filled poverty-stricken souls) and will stop at nothing to relate everyday life to these people.

His main rival is Phil Collins, who has an even greater obsession with Americans and Holding On, but he has known to duke it out with Oprah every once in a while.

The Infamous Speech[edit]

The following speech is repeated frequently to the point where one will contract a low level form of AIDS.

"Pretty soon, it's gonna be World AIDS Day. Something's going to happen on that day. The same thing that happened yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that...five and half thousand people, men, women, and children...


Will die from this preventable, treatable disease. And they don't have to. For thirty pents a day, they can stay alive, with these two lil' pills. Two little pills, that you and I can get at the local chemist. This is mad. You are NOT mad to think that we cannot do something about this. Join Red, for World AIDS Day. Go to Thanks."

Because of this and his subsequent legacy in Youtube Poop, Bono was featured in the Youchew Trading Card Series appearing as "Bono AFRICANS" on Card #26. His official card description reads:

"Paul David Hewson, known by his stage name of Bono or Bono AFRICANS, is the self proclaimed savior of the AFRICAN people through the invention of "two lil' pills" that he forged out of his own teeth. He claims to believe that the total amount of AFRICANS is five and a half thousand and continuously warns people of the impending Worlds AIDS Day, the affects of which would result in assured AFRICAN genocide unless intervened by the awe-inspiring power of "30 pents a day". Select copies of this card may contain an automatic download of U2's latest album."


  • Bono has had sex with each and every African, all five and half thousand of them, orally and anally in particular. However, his two lil' pills keep him immune from the AIDS.
  • Bono's semen is made of pure Orochi AIDS.
  • When Bono sings, the world listens...and afterwards have bursts of seizures involving Meatspin and the repeated shouting of the word Africans.
  • Bono has only been to Africa twice, but claims he has visited forty times via his dreams. Someone needs to get him off of those two lil' pills.
  • Bono isn't poop.
  • Bono took the world's second-largest dump, beaten only by Randy Marsh.
  • He likes to suck on men's nipples.
  • Is also a musician for U2, but that's another story.
  • It is written that Bono is the legendary driver of the AFRIVAN.
  • He considers Africans separate from men, women, and children.
  • Bono now has a boner.
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Bono`s final form.