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SpongeBob SquarePants (character)

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Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

Name: Springboob Squirepin
Appears In: SpongeBob SquarePants
Sex: Male
Age: 28
Occupation(s): Fry cook
Played By: Tom Kenny

SpongeBob SquarePants is the main character of his self-titled cartoon show. He is a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea. His pants are square!


SpongeBob shows us the tragic side effects of Magic Drugs.
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What has been seen here cannot be unseen...
Sorry you had to see that.

Life As A Hero[edit]

  • He's gone on a quest to become The Overture, which he ended up succeeding. He eventually lost the title to Super Macho Man.
  • He once saved Bikini Bottom by being a God at Guitar Hero.



  • "It's big, scary, and pink!"
  • "And you split your sofa in half, it'll be really easy to move now!"
  • "I've been saving it in my pocket for us to share!"
  • "I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick, because you never wear a shirt."
  • "...Stare at Patrick!"
  • "There's no shower at work!"
  • "See? You're on top this time."
  • "All alone with Mermaid Man's belt!"
  • "I'm a dirty boy!"
  • "It popped..."
  • "The sky had a baby from my cereal box!"
  • "Well, I see Mr. Krabs' zipper is undone!"
  • "We've been speckledorfed!"
  • "We've been Ganondorfed!"
  • "It's normal sized and fully functional!"
  • "Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands?"
  • "Look at me, Gary! I'm... NAKEEEEEEEEEEDD!!!"
  • "MR. KRABS!!!!!!! I WANNA GO TO BED!!!!!!"
  • "That didn't help at all!"
  • "I expanded a bit."
  • "Now eat it, swallow it and chew it down!"
  • "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! It'll help if you just sing along!"
  • "He's right on top of me, but I can't see him."
  • "Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty."
  • "I like Squidward."
  • "OVERTIME!?!?"
  • "You like krabby patties, don't you, Squidward?"
  • "No, let's save that for when we're selling real-estate."
  • "Who put you on the planet? UGHH!"
  • "I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages!"
  • "Sorry you had to see that."
  • "Look, Gary! Doubloons! Don't drop 'em!"
  • "Are you kidding!? I've been playing bassinet for YEARS!"
  • "Any particular reason you took your pants off?"
  • "Patrick, your genius is showing!"


  • Flunked out of high school, which is why he works at a fast food restaurant.
  • Used to live on welfare before he got a job at the Krusty Krab.
  • Has failed boating school regularly.
  • His IQ is an imaginary number.
  • In the decade that he has worked at the Krusty Krab, he has never had a legitimate promotion. Sad... isn't it?
  • Is married to Mermaid Man.
  • Reproduces by budding.
  • Once made a sweater for Squidward made of his eyelashes. When that failed, he made another out of tears.
  • He is so weak that he once had to have someone else lift his drink off of his hand so he could move it. He can't even lift up a stick with two marshmallows attached to it (but can somehow drag Patrick's rock).
  • Was once beaten up by Sandy Cheeks because he forgot her last name.
  • He once KO'd a flounder named Flats by not even attacking him. Flatts tried to kick his ass but passed out after his attacks did not harm Spongebob.
  • His ass is owned by Sandy Cheeks.
  • One time, he fell in love and lusted over a Krabby Patty. Yes.
    • And then, due to it being awful even for the Sponge's tolerance, he decided to eat its nasty ass.
  • Is an owner of Mr. Krabs' soul because of a favor involving - you've guessed it - money! He's currently in dispute with Patchy the Pirate (a.k.a., the Devil) and Cindy Crawford for who has full custody over it.
  • He can rip his pants on command. However, he overused this joke and lost his friends, which turned him emo. He was cured by playing a guitar made of sand.
  • He loves assaulting Gary's mind with subliminal messages.
  • He also stole a nudibranch named Puffy Fluffy, but its ran away after Gary fought it off, due to Puffy Fluffy's aggressiveness and Spongebob's negligence. Spongebob still has not been charged for this for an unknown reason.
  • He was terrible at making milkshakes, so he parodied Top Gun to be decent at it.
SpongeBob demands for you to add more things to his article so that he may finally finish his hand popcorn.