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Sniper

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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Name: Sniper
Sex: Male
Age: ??
Nationality: Australian
Occupation(s): Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
Played By: John Patrick Lowrie

The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are Yoko Littner of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, and The End from Metal Gear Solid 3, respectively.

Characteristics

The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.

Arsenal

Basic
  • Sniper Rifle: A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
  • SMG: Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
  • Kukri: His machete Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
Update
  • Huntsman: A bow and arrow. Replaces the Sniper Rifle, better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname Lucksman by many an angry victim.
  • Jarate: The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the SMG.
  • Razorback: Some rather useless shield that can block a Spy's backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the SMG.
Community
  • Tribalman's Shiv: His other penis machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the Kukri.
  • Sydney Sleeper: Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Darwin's Danger Shield: Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the SMG.
  • Bushwacka: His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the Kukri.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he can't get killed by headshots. BIG problem for the enemy team.

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The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of Jarate upon an unsuspecting BLU team.

Quotes

  • Wanka.
  • Boom, headshot...
  • Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
  • 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.
  • I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?
  • One is a job and one is mental sickness!
  • Crazed gunmen have standards.
  • I think his mate saw me...
  • Feelings!
  • Be polite.
  • Be efficient.
  • Professionals have standards.
  • Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  • Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
  • Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
  • Dominated, you cactus-eatin' egghead!
  • I was never on your side, either!
  • Gawd save the queen!

Trivia

  • Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of Robotnik, who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
  • The Sniper once brought Yoko to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
  • Secretly admires Link which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
  • Recently was attacked by the Spy, which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife slashed him.
  • Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
  • His voice actor is married to the voice actor of GLaDOS's and the Administrator. Wonder who the kids voice act?
  • The Soldier has called the Sniper Bilbo Baggins or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

See Also

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Oh, you crazy Sniper.