Rolf

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Rolf belts out a hearty tune. Or maybe he stubbed his toe.

Rolf is the crazy token foreigner from the show Ed, Edd n' Eddy who does crazy token foreigner things, like raise farm animals in his backyard and offer to let people kiss his produce, especially his "giant wiener" (if you know what I mean). Not related to Ed, Edd, or Eddy.

Cultural Heritage: Alpine Germany

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Likes

• His Nana's Sea Cucumber Balls
• Produce
• The Old Country
• Wilfred
• Victor
• Chickens
• Yeshmiyek
• The Urban Rangers

Trivia

• He has a pig named Wilfred and a goat named Victor that he uses as his slaves
• He also has a giant clam named Bobo that was his childhood companion and comforted him when he was frightened
• He has an accordion too and it has delighted him and his family with beautiful music from the Old Country for generations!
• During the holidays, Rolf worships Yeshmiyek, a god that lives in the center of the earth.
• He is a member of the Urban Rangers
• In the first Christmas episode he knew what Christmas was while in the second Christmas episode, he didn't. This is most likely due to a continuity error.
• He gave his family's cursed phone to Eddy.
• He longs for COOKIE DOUGH.
• He loves balls, and not just those of the sea cucumber variety.
• He has seen many meatballs, especially the fabled Swedish Meatball.
• He likes cum, but only when added in a special dish.
• He is hairier than your mom.
• He makes weird noises.
• He once had 3 heads.
• He once bit off a piece of wood.
• Also, he once ripped off a stump with his own bare hands.
• He once fought with Eddy in MORTAL KOMBAT, and WON. While armed with a FISH.
• He owns a potato slave.

Rolf in the weird form entitled "Three-Headed Rolf."

• He committed the Seppuku unsuccessfully.
• He enjoys eating horrendously bitter things.
• He can sing very well (and very loudly) if you stick a whatchamadoohickey in his posterior.
• He looks good in lambskin.
• Rolf has the same voice actor (Peter Kelamis) as Goku.
• WhollyRufus has some sort of fetish for him.
• If his chores are not complete, he will be banished to the cupboard.
• He likes to go to White Castle for some strange reason.
• Every single year on Valentine's Day, he squirts lemon juice in his eyes just to kill Cupid's minions.
• Rolf's last name is Friggidfockershire.

Quotes

• "POPPYCOCK!"
• "I AM A WEINER!"
• "Why must you spoil Wilfred with this lavish monkey suit? This will only leave him to search for a life as an airline steward."
• "Life has many doors, Ed-boys!"
• "Hello, Ed-boys! Many doors, yes. Too much for... Couch-potato Ed-boys like yourselves."
• "Begone! Cursed underlings of Valhalla!"
• "Who threw this whatchamadoohickey at Rolf's posterior?!"
• "Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
• "Yes, Rolf finally feels safe enough to appear in this episode."
• "Rolf will unearth the Ed Boys like the parasite that infects Wilfred's tuchus! This is Rolf's word! …Dawg!"
• "Do you think this is party time for 1999? NO!"
• "I will be performing my country's ceremonial dance of the Hairless Otter."
• "Fuck you!"
• "Rolf's kiester grows cold..."

This is Rolf when he's on drugs. Any questions, guys?

• "That's my horse!"
• "ROLF'S SHED AND NOTHING MORE!"
• "The son of a sheperd has AIDS!"
• "AAHHH! SHIT! FUUUUCK!"

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Rolf's saddened about 9/11.