Notice: We are aware that many of the Chewiki’s images are still broken. We promise: we will try our best to fix it, but we don't guarantee that the fix will be trivial.

Orson Welles

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing







Orson Welles is a film actor, director and writer, most famous for being the writer and lead actor in Citizen Kane, considered by some to be the greatest film of all time. He's a genius who has a huge amount of sexual fetishes.


Orson Welles did a prank in the late 1930's via radio, claiming that aliens were attacking the world. This made all of Hyrule commit suicide before he revealed it as a joke. After he ran away from the angry mob, Welles made some movie about a sled or something like that. After Citizen Kane, he went on appear in films like The Third Man (as villainous Harry Lime), Touch of Evil, and appeared as a character in Tim Burton's Ed Wood. His most recent advertising work was in commercials for frozen peas, wine, fish sticks, and a "living will", which he only did for the money. His final film role before his death was as Unicron in The Transformers: The Movie. (Of course, to the '80s generation of people, this was ironically considered his best film.)


  • Himself
  • The attention Citizen Kane has received
  • Rosebud
  • Rosebud Frozen Peas
  • Brotto Bros. Wine
  • Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks...
    • When they are raw.
    • When he is dead.
    • When they are raw and he is dead.
    • Actually, just them in general.
  • Jay Sherman's sister
  • French fries
  • Peaness
  • The Afterlife (It is full of Ms. Pell's Fish Sticks.)
  • Hell
  • Magic
  • Making jugs appear or disappear.
  • Making magic jugs disappear.
  • Wedges & Mead
  • Making some epic introductions to things.
  • French fries stuck in his beard.
  • The Green Book


Appears In Poops By


  • "Hello, I'm Orson Welles. What follows is a terrifying journey into the world of magic, mystery..."
  • "What? Look, I don't need to do this; I've got a fishstick commercial in an hour! ...Oh, what the Hell, I need the money."
  • "What follows is a terrifying journey into the world of probate, beneficiaries, and goblins!"
  • "Fine, fine; no goblins."
  • "I give you... The Living Will. *evil laughter*"
  • "And remember, there is no fishstick like Mrs. Pells."
  • "I know, that was just a declaration of love. ...Yes! Oh yes! They're even better raw!"
  • "Rosebud..."
  • "Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness."
  • "Wait, that's terrible. I quit! Just a handful for the road."
  • "Oh, what luck! There's a French fry stuck in my beard! (chomp, chomp)"
  • "Oh, what luck. There's a French fry stuck in my penis!"
  • "I have gone onto a better place: a place filled with Mrs. Pell's Fish Sticks."
  • "They're even better when you're dead!"
  • "A rich, full-bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug. And now, for a little magic, I will make this jug disappear."
  • "I like my dick. No wait, I love my dick! Do you like my penis?"
  • "For concrete agreements and penis."
  • "OOOHH, THE FRENCH! ...champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence... there is in California a champagne by Paul Mason... inspired... by that same French excellence... it's fermented in a bottle and like the best French champagne... it's vintage dated..."
  • "This champagne doesn't come from France, but it was created by a man who did!"
He claps in real life about his article (if he was alive).


  • The Amazing Atheist listed him as having the third best movie voice of all time, right behind Clint Eastwood and a tie between Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones.
  • Wally Burr killed him. Just ask Michael Bell!
  • He had a secret obsession over the Green Book. But since he's dead, it's now lost somewhere in the space-time continuum turned into a CD. Yep.