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Duke Onkled
This article is filed under Characters.{{#ev:youtube|o29suu2dZ8w|320}}
Duke Onkled was the ruler of Gamelon from 1977-1993 and reclaimed his throne shortly after resurrection in 1996 and currently holds the position.
In his allegiance to Ganon, Duke Onkled gave the King of Hyrule over to Ganon in turn for fortune and overall material wealth. Once Zelda rescued the King from Ganon, Duke Onkled's alliance with Ganon was shattered and Duke Onkled was placed at the mercy of the King. As punishment for his treason towards the King he was ordered to scrub all of the floors in Hyrule, an order that was only put to an end upon Onkled's death (see below).
Duke Onkled has a problem with indigestion, causing him to constantly experience diarrhea. Many people have banned him from public and private bathrooms as he has inadvertently flooded the bathroom with loosely viscous fecal matter in one bowel movement, causing the location to be ruled inhabitable and condemned.
Duke Onkled also experiences bad gas in his digestive system and his vehicle's fuel tank. The former is a result of a combonation of consuming massive quantities of McBean Burrito's and the irritable bowel syndrome, IBS, that he was diagnosed with after he banished Militron into his ass portal.
Cultural Heritage: Hylian and Skunk
Quotes
Duke Onkled D-don't hurt me Zelda!
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Duke Onkled I'll tell you the secret way into Reesong Palace.
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Duke Onkled Go all the way left and move the rock, This Key opens the gate.
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Duke Onkled Please, your omnipotence, have mercy!
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Duke Onkled Waaah! I'm tellin' on you!
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Duke Onkled Go all the way left and suck the cock.
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Duke Onkled Hurt me Zelda!
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Duke Onkled Morshu, sperm please!
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Duke Onkled How dare you address the King as such! Go kill yourself!
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Duke Onkled I'm gonna buttrape you, meanie!
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Duke Onkled Please! I can explain!
Trivia
- Was blackmailed into betraying his cousin by Ganon. However, he was mainly persuaded to traitorize Hyrule by his wife.
- Owned the successful restaurant "Duke Onkled's Diner" which nearly ran Squadallah Burger out of business.
- Apparently dressed better than his cousin.
- Owned one of the largest keys in history.
- Had scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule numerous times for being a traitor to His Majesty.
- Once scrubbed the King of Hyrule for pussy.
- Had his punishment elevated from scrubbing all the floors in Hyrule, to all the floors in the world. Then later, the universe.
- Pushed the creation of the McDonald's Menu Item, The McBean, into creation.
- His anus serves as a sort of tunneling portal.
Death
Duke Onkled died on February 17, 1993 at the hands of King Harkinian's hangmen at a public execution. This is despite the pleadings of the Duke for mercy to the King. Approximately three years later, he was posthumously declared innocent of all accused charges, and his family was legally reimbursed. King Harkinian had no comment on the issue. It is presumed that nobody cares enough to involve themselves any further into this matter.
Resurrection
A number of unknown years after Duke Onkled's Death, he has inadvertently circumvented the state of being dead. After multiple attempts to buttrape Ganon have failed, Duke Onkled grew excessively depressed over the boredom he faced in The Evil Jar. In an attempt to avoid the reality of his afterlife, he hid within his own anus. During this, he realized his anus still served as a portal even in the underworld and made his escape into Liberty City. He then traced his way back to Gamelon and reclaimed his ruling postition, which Zelda was currently holding. However, he Returned with the new title of King as Zelda's defeat has cut Hylianrule, rendering Gamelon it's own independent nation.
