Medic

This article is filed under Characters.

A picture of the Medic.

Overview

The medic is the man who you spam the E button with that never shows up to heal you. One of the 9 classes from the first person shooter PC game, Team Fortress 2. He originates from the country known as Germany, which automatically makes him a Nazi. Some weapons used by the doc is the Medigun (healing dying fags), a gun that shoots syringes, and the bone saw that will cut THROUGH YOUR PUNY SPINE.

Though the Medic was originally enlisted for deployment in the Peace Corps. somewhere in Africa, due to a technicality he found himself deployed with the RED team on cp_well in the middle of a huge battle, and has been trying to get himself out of it but after befriending Heavy Weapons Guy he decided to stay with them.

Arsenal

Basic

• Syringe Gun: Fires syringes full of some deadly compound, likely cyanide or arsenic.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Here we see the Medic seducing the Heavy to have sexual intercourse with him.

• Medigun: A wondrous portable device that allows him to heal his allies (and Spies), even up to 150% their normal health. Healing allies builds up the medic's "Ubercharge". When fully charged, it can be activated to make the Medic and the ally temporarily invincible, allowing the team opportunity to advance through enemy lines. How this wonderful healing technology works is still in question, but the better question is why these aren't being mass-produced for hospitals?
• Bonesaw: The perfect tool for amputation and replacing a violin.

Update

• Blutsauger: Replaces the Syringe Gun, when the needles hit the opponent, it somehow heals the Medic. Recommended for the more aggressive "Battle-Medic".
• KritzKrieg: Replacing the Medigun, it heals the same way the Medigun would, though when charged instead of invulnerability it gives the healed ally critical hits throughout the charge. Oh, I get it! Kritz, Crits...yeah.
• Ubersaw: The perfect tool for amputation and giving 25% Ubercharge for every cut he makes and replacing the Bonesaw.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Stephen Colbert dreams of the day he can become medic.

Quotes

• "Sie Teleporter goes here!"
• "Prepare for your examination!"
• "Sie Spy ist a Double Nigger Agent!"
• "You Are... STUPID!!"
• "Oops! Das vas not medicine!"
• "Dunca...Jerkoff."

Trivia

• He's from the town of Stuttgart, which is currently controlled by a reincarnated Hitler and Ludwig Von Koopa.
• Once acted in a German porno involving two puppies.
• He has found the cure to the common cold.
• Sponsored by the Nazi government.
• Is madly in love with the Heavy Weapons Guy.
• Once had gay sex with the Spy. The Medic only did it as he thought the Spy was Heavy, until after the incident had occurred. When questioned all the Medic had to say was "The Heavy is a Spy!"
• Was tricked into healing Barack Obama at one point.
• He likes to thank hard hatted friends for their good work.
• He was voted homecoming King in High School and his Queen was Zelda.
• Has the same voice actor as Travis Touchdown from the No More Heroes games.
• Heavy won't let him do anything.