Orson Welles

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Orson Welles is a film actor, director and writer, most famous for being the writer and lead actor in Citizen Kane, considered by some to be the greatest film of all time. He's a genius who has a huge amount of sexual fetishes.

Career

Orson Welles did a prank in the late 1930's via radio, claiming that aliens were attacking the world. This made all of Hyrule commit suicide before he revealed it as a joke. After he ran away from the angry mob, Welles made some movie about a sled or something like that. After Citizen Kane, he went on appear in films like The Third Man (as villainous Harry Lime), Touch of Evil, and appeared as a character in Tim Burton's Ed Wood. His most recent advertising work was in commercials for frozen peas, wine, fish sticks, and a "living will", which he only did for the money. His final film role before his death was as Unicron in The Transformers: The Movie. (Of course, to the '80s generation of people, this was ironically considered his best film.)

Likes

• Himself
• The attention Citizen Kane has received
• Rosebud
• Rosebud Frozen Peas
• Brotto Bros. Wine
• Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks...
  • When they are raw.
  • When he is dead.
  • When they are raw and he is dead.
  • Actually, just them in general.
• Jay Sherman's sister
• French fries
• Peaness
• The Afterlife (It is full of Ms. Pell's Fish Sticks.)
• Hell
• Magic
• Making jugs appear or disappear.
• Making magic jugs disappear.
• Wedges & Mead
• Making some epic introductions to things.
• French fries stuck in his beard.
• The Green Book

Dislikes

• People who mistake peaness for "penis".
• Emos
• Poisoned wine
• Jay Sherman
• The Living Will
• Normal wills written on paper.
• Line readings
• Transformers (Which he claims is about "big, evil toys that attack other toys".)

Appears In Poops By

• SSBBexpert
• CarlomagnoXVI
• heavymetalcat1
• NS2
• SuperYoshi
• SeductiveBaz
• DoomZappo

Quotes

• "Hello, I'm Orson Welles. What follows is a terrifying journey into the world of magic, mystery..."
• "What? Look, I don't need to do this; I've got a fishstick commercial in an hour! ...Oh, what the Hell, I need the money."
• "What follows is a terrifying journey into the world of probate, beneficiaries, and goblins!"
• "Fine, fine; no goblins."
• "I give you... The Living Will. *evil laughter*"
• "And remember, there is no fishstick like Mrs. Pells."
• "I know, that was just a declaration of love. ...Yes! Oh yes! They're even better raw!"
• "Rosebud..."
• "Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness."
• "Wait, that's terrible. I quit! Just a handful for the road."
• "Oh, what luck! There's a French fry stuck in my beard! (chomp, chomp)"
• "Oh, what luck. There's a French fry stuck in my penis!"
• "I have gone onto a better place: a place filled with Mrs. Pell's Fish Sticks."
• "They're even better when you're dead!"
• "A rich, full-bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug. And now, for a little magic, I will make this jug disappear."
• "I like my dick. No wait, I love my dick! Do you like my penis?"
• "For concrete agreements and penis."
• "OOOHH, THE FRENCH! ...champagne has always been celebrated for its excellence... there is in California a champagne by Paul Mason... inspired... by that same French excellence... it's fermented in a bottle and like the best French champagne... it's vintage dated..."
• "This champagne doesn't come from France, but it was created by a man who did!"

He claps in real life about his article (if he was alive).

• "You know what I did this morning? I played the voice of a toy. Some terrible robot toys from Japan that changed from one thing to another. The Japanese have funded a full-length animated cartoon about the doings of these toys, which is all bad outer-space stuff. I play a planet. I menace somebody called Something-or-other. Then I'm destroyed. My plan to destroy Whoever-it-is is thwarted and I tear myself apart on the screen."

Trivia

• The Amazing Atheist listed him as having the third best movie voice of all time, right behind Clint Eastwood and a tie between Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones.
• Wally Burr killed him. Just ask Michael Bell!
• He had a secret obsession over the Green Book. But since he's dead, it's now lost somewhere in the space-time continuum turned into a CD. Yep.