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Difference between revisions of "Vince Offer"

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[[Image:090218-shamwow.jpg|right|thumb|You're not gonna cry anymore.]]
 
 
 
 
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[[Image:Mrvince2.jpg|thumb|Vince's Slap Chop will make [[you]] love his [[nuts]].]]
'''Vince Offer''' is an actor, director, and comedian turned television salesman dressed (almost) like a [[Scout]]. Is well known for his advertisements for ShamWow! and the Slap Chop. Was also apparently born in Isreal.
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[[Image:090218-shamwow.jpg|right|thumb|You're [[no]]t gonna cry anymore.]]
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[[Image:Woweverytime.jpg|thumb|right|Wow, what a role reversal!]]
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{{VidCaption|qKQAGh01ZaY|Vince's newest advertisement for Eminem's newest CD in Recovery.}}
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'''Vince Offer''' is an actor, director, and comedian turned television salesman dressed (almost) like a [[Scout]]. He is well known for his advertisements for his surprisingly successful products, ''Sham-Wow!'' , the ''Slap Chop'' , the ''Schticky'' , and the ''InVINCEable.'' He was also born in Israel.
  
 
==About==
 
==About==
Contary to popular belief, Vince wasn't always an advertising kind of guy. The first thing that he did in 1999 (Yeh, that's right, 1999.) was make a movie called "The Underground Comedy Movie." He wrote, directed, and acted in it with Slash, the (former) guitarist for Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver. Unfortunetly, his movie wasn't received well, and he hid from the public eye for about seven years.
+
Vince's earliest activities can be traced back to his service in the border patrol in the mid-to-late nineties. After a particularly nasty shootout involving [[Naruto|illicit drug-trafficking and children in pajamas]], Vince took to Florida and joined film school, where he spent several years directing independent [[Princess Peach|snuff films]]. When his film group was finally busted, he fled, changing his name and identity, and undergoing extensive plastic surgery. It was in 2003 that he first delved into the world show-business.  
  
He is now a pitchman, and he has pointed out the numerous qualities of the legendary ShamWow! (which is made in Germany, [[Nazi|which always makes good stuff.]]). He also has a fascination with his [[nuts]].
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He is now a pitchman, most widely known for pandering off the numerous qualities of the legendary ShamWow! towel line (which is made in [[German]]y, [[Nazi|which always makes good stuff]]) and the Slap Chop kitchen appliance.  
  
He is no longer a threat to [[Billy Mays]] as he has been arrested for beating up a prostitute (Though if she got herself [[AIDS|an STD]], then I say that the bitch deserved it.).
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He is no longer a threat to [[Billy Mays]] as having been arrested for beating up a prostitute in early 2009. However, on June 28th, 2009, Billy Mays sadly passed away at the age of fifty. It is speculated that Vince himself will have to take his place as front-runner pitchman, as the British [[Cillit Bang]] guy is nowhere to be found (presumably dead or hiding somewhere in [[Hannah Montana|Montana]]).  
  
The mofo also participated in a song remix of his Slap Chop commercial with (DJ) Steve Porter making the music to help him not only get a comeback, but also get his revenge on Billy Mays for the hooker incident. So far, it seems that it's working.
+
The motherfucker also participated in a song remix of his Slap Chop commercial with (DJ) Steve Porter. Making the music not only helped him make a comeback, but also get his revenge on [[Billy Mays]] for the hooker incident. For two months in 2004, he served as a military [[scout]] and gunman for the United States Army.
  
On June 28th, 2009, Billy Mays passed away at the age of fifty. It is spectulated that Vince himself will have to take his place as front-runner pitchman, as the British Cillit Bang guy is nowhere to be found.
+
He recently starred in a new infomercial, advertising Eminem's new album, "Recovery". [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzrArpks3mk No really.]
  
 +
Later, he appeared in another new commercial for the "Schticky", and midway through it he references the hooker incident by showing him getting his mugshot taken.
 +
[[Image:Shamwow mugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Hi, it's Vince with Slap[[Bitch]].]]
 
==Quotes==
 
==Quotes==
*''"You're gonna love my nuts."''
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*''"Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow!"''
*''"You'll be saying "wow" every time."''
+
*''"Hi, it's Vince with the Slap Chop."''
 +
*''"Hey, it's Vince with Eminem's new album <nowiki>'</nowiki>Recovery<nowiki>'</nowiki>."''
 +
*''"You're gonna be clappin<nowiki>'</nowiki> when you hear Eminem rappin<nowiki>'</nowiki>."''
 +
*''"You're gonna [[love]] my nuts."''
 +
*''"You'll be saying ''"wow"'' every time."''
 
*''"You followin' me cameraguy?"''
 
*''"You followin' me cameraguy?"''
 
*''"Wow... Wet."''
 
*''"Wow... Wet."''
*''"You k[[no]]w the [[Nazi|Germans]] make good stuff."''
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*''"You know the [[German]]s make [[good]] [[stuff]]."''
*''"Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow!"''
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*''"This lasts ten years, this lasts a week!"''
*''"Hi, it's Vince with the Slap Chop."''
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*''"Stop having a boring tuna; stop having a boring life."''
 
*''"Forget about it."''
 
*''"Forget about it."''
 
*''"You're gonna love this."''
 
*''"You're gonna love this."''
 
+
*''"You gonna slap my nuts, one slap at a time."''
 +
*''"Problem with that shedding pussy?"''
 +
==Trivia==
 +
*You're gonna love his nuts.
 +
*Is obsessed with [[Germany]] and [[:Category:Nazis|other]] [[Von Kaiser|things]] from there for some reason.
 +
*Was born in Israel, which means that he was a born Jew.
 +
*Was arrested for beating up a hooker.
 +
*Was once a [[Tom Cruise|Scientologist]].
 +
*He knows that [[Spongebob Squarepants (Character)|sponges]] only last for a week, while his Sham-Wows last for over 10 years.
 +
*He once tried to sing a song about how he hated [[Super Macho Man|Los Angeles.]] Of course, that was during his time as an actor/director and not an advertiser, so yeah.
 +
*[[ChristianU2uber]] thinks he's better than [[Billy Mays]].
 +
*His pussy is slippery when wet.
 +
*He appears to have a speech impediment. For example: ''You're gonna love the big Schticky'' becomes ''You're gonna love the '''Vig''' Schticky.
 +
*He's created two sketch comedy movies, ''The Underground Comedy Movie'' and ''InAPPropriate Comedy''. They're both [[bad]].
 
==Official Websites For His Stuff. (Also, Sources!)==
 
==Official Websites For His Stuff. (Also, Sources!)==
[https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp The Official Place To Get [[You]]r ShamWow!]
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*<span class="plainlinks">[https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp The Official Place To Get ]</span>[[You]][https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp r ShamWow!]
 +
*<span class="plainlinks">[https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp The Official Place To Get ]</span>[[You]][https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp r Slap Chop!]
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*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3d4-oQ7EQY The ShamWow commercial.]
 +
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUbWjIKxrrs The Slap Chop commercial.]
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*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPKtBM99kAc Shortened version of the Slap Chop commercial.]
 +
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA Vince's music with (DJ) Steve Porter for the Slap Chop.]
  
[https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp The Official Place To Get [[You]]r Slap Chop!]
 
 
[[Category:Characters - Male]]
 
[[Category:Characters - Male]]
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[[Category:Characters - Jewish]]
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[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
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[[Category:Real People]]
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[[Category:Nazis]]
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[[Category:Internet Memes]]
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[[Category:Business People]]
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[[Category:Spokespeople]]
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[[Category:Musicians]]
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[[Category:Actors]]

Latest revision as of 12:43, 17 September 2014

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Vince's Slap Chop will make you love his nuts.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
You're not gonna cry anymore.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Wow, what a role reversal!
{{#ev:youtube|qKQAGh01ZaY|320}}Vince's newest advertisement for Eminem's newest CD in Recovery.

Vince Offer is an actor, director, and comedian turned television salesman dressed (almost) like a Scout. He is well known for his advertisements for his surprisingly successful products, Sham-Wow! , the Slap Chop , the Schticky , and the InVINCEable. He was also born in Israel.

About[edit]

Vince's earliest activities can be traced back to his service in the border patrol in the mid-to-late nineties. After a particularly nasty shootout involving illicit drug-trafficking and children in pajamas, Vince took to Florida and joined film school, where he spent several years directing independent snuff films. When his film group was finally busted, he fled, changing his name and identity, and undergoing extensive plastic surgery. It was in 2003 that he first delved into the world show-business.

He is now a pitchman, most widely known for pandering off the numerous qualities of the legendary ShamWow! towel line (which is made in Germany, which always makes good stuff) and the Slap Chop kitchen appliance.

He is no longer a threat to Billy Mays as having been arrested for beating up a prostitute in early 2009. However, on June 28th, 2009, Billy Mays sadly passed away at the age of fifty. It is speculated that Vince himself will have to take his place as front-runner pitchman, as the British Cillit Bang guy is nowhere to be found (presumably dead or hiding somewhere in Montana).

The motherfucker also participated in a song remix of his Slap Chop commercial with (DJ) Steve Porter. Making the music not only helped him make a comeback, but also get his revenge on Billy Mays for the hooker incident. For two months in 2004, he served as a military scout and gunman for the United States Army.

He recently starred in a new infomercial, advertising Eminem's new album, "Recovery". No really.

Later, he appeared in another new commercial for the "Schticky", and midway through it he references the hooker incident by showing him getting his mugshot taken.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Hi, it's Vince with SlapBitch.

Quotes[edit]

  • "Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow!"
  • "Hi, it's Vince with the Slap Chop."
  • "Hey, it's Vince with Eminem's new album 'Recovery'."
  • "You're gonna be clappin' when you hear Eminem rappin'."
  • "You're gonna love my nuts."
  • "You'll be saying "wow" every time."
  • "You followin' me cameraguy?"
  • "Wow... Wet."
  • "You know the Germans make good stuff."
  • "This lasts ten years, this lasts a week!"
  • "Stop having a boring tuna; stop having a boring life."
  • "Forget about it."
  • "You're gonna love this."
  • "You gonna slap my nuts, one slap at a time."
  • "Problem with that shedding pussy?"

Trivia[edit]

  • You're gonna love his nuts.
  • Is obsessed with Germany and other things from there for some reason.
  • Was born in Israel, which means that he was a born Jew.
  • Was arrested for beating up a hooker.
  • Was once a Scientologist.
  • He knows that sponges only last for a week, while his Sham-Wows last for over 10 years.
  • He once tried to sing a song about how he hated Los Angeles. Of course, that was during his time as an actor/director and not an advertiser, so yeah.
  • ChristianU2uber thinks he's better than Billy Mays.
  • His pussy is slippery when wet.
  • He appears to have a speech impediment. For example: You're gonna love the big Schticky becomes You're gonna love the Vig Schticky.
  • He's created two sketch comedy movies, The Underground Comedy Movie and InAPPropriate Comedy. They're both bad.

Official Websites For His Stuff. (Also, Sources!)[edit]