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Peter Griffin

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

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Name: Peter Griffin
Appears In: Family Guy
Sex: Male
Age: 40's
Nationality: Irish African-American Mexican (Really.)
Played By: Seth MacFarlane

Peter Griffin is a drunk who lives in a fictional town called Quahog in Rhode Island. He is known to meet a lot of celebrities such as Gene Simmons, O.J Simpson, Jesus Christ, Adolf Hitler, and many others. He is hated by most of his family because he is not rich and drinks way too much.

He probably would have been a popular Youtube Poop character in the vein of Spongebob Squarepants if FOX was not so greedy.

Family History

Peter Griffin was born in Mexico when his mother Thelma went there for an abortion. However, she went into labor during the procedure and smuggled him home to Providence, Rhode Island, where he spent his childhood. His father Francis Griffin was a Christian and he and wife raised Peter in the Roman Catholic faith. Strangely Peter noticed he's got an Irish biological father named Mickey McFinnigan and visits McFinnigan for a "game of drink".

Peter has a lot of ancestors, however the most important ancestor is Nate Griffin, an African American slave from Virginia.

And if you want to kill the writer of this poor humour, don't blame us; kill Seth MacFarlane and/or the writers to Family Guy. It's not like you'd be doing a disservice to us.

Likes

  • His friends, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe.
  • A majority of his family.
  • Beer
  • TV
  • Boobies
  • Blowjobs
  • The 30 puppies he adopted without consequences.
  • Kiss (Is a major fan of them.)
  • Saying movie references from a certain period.
  • Christianity
He usually can be found in some sort of 80's music video that he may or may not like.
Peter Griffin as he appears in real life.
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Well... yeah.

Dislikes

  • Not having Surfin' Bird around him.
  • Being tricked via switching normal signs with sexual signs.
  • His recurring foe; the giant chicken he spars with.
  • Being blind from eating nickels.
  • The FCC (For censoring his life once.)
  • The English (For stealing a bar he normally hang out with his friends once.)
  • Vomiting
  • Not having beer around.
  • Homer Simpson
  • Stan Smith

Jobs He Took

Peter is well known for not being able to keep a job, and always having to get another. Some examples include:

  • Toymaker
  • Fisherman
  • Salesman
  • Singing cashier at Burger King.
  • President of a tobacco company.
  • Owner of a restaurant.
  • Comedian at the White House.
  • Worker for the Pawtucket Beer factory.
    • The list just goes on.

Trivia

  • He recently graduated from the 4th grade.
  • Apparently, he looks very sexy without his glasses.
  • There are bacon bits in his blood. HOW!?
  • He once turned the den into Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
  • He is a descendant of Moses, Abraham Lincoln, a black guy, and a brother of Adolf Hitler.
  • He can't speak Italian even when he's got a mustache.
    • Despite this, he still makes Italians pissed off at what he's saying.
  • Noobs of M.U.G.E.N. love seeing matches between him and Homer Simpson.
  • He thinks that no one wants to be Peter Criss, including Peter Criss himself.
  • He's an adult who likes watching SpongeBob SquarePants.
  • He once entertained George W. Bush at the White House. He got fired when he ended up a snowglobe of George's possesion.
  • Was once forced to commit adultery in order to make his boss not commit suicide.
  • His face once transformed into Hank Hill after picking up a cursed skull.

Quotes

Peter, you cannot be serious.
  • "Eheheheheheheheh."
  • "What the Hell?!"
  • "Roadhouse!"
  • "I am not your dad! I am Electric Man!!"
  • "Don't point at me, you jackass!"
  • "Eh, squizy! Babba-no-boop-bee?"
  • "Holy crip! He's a crapple!"
  • "Heheheheh... propane."
  • "I'm Linda Wertheimer."
  • "Surfin' Bird is sex... gone!"
  • "Don't think you all didn't have a motivemotivemotive. You all had a motivemotivemotive!"
  • "That's Long John Peter to you, Porthole!" (Evil pirate laugh)
  • "Bird, bird, bird-bird's the word! Oh, yeah, the bird, bird, bird, yeah, the bird-bird's the word!"
  • "You know what really grinds my gears?"
  • "Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart? It's soooo freakiiin' gooood! Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart? If you haven't, then I think you shoouuld!"
  • "Ah! Ah! He said it! He said it!"
  • "Testicles. That is all."
  • "...Am I... am I supposed to conduct with my penis?"