Waldfield/A Very Uncensored Winnie the Pooh

Imagine how flattered I was when Gabriel Marquez, yes, THE Gabriel Marquez, offered to adapt my Very Uncensored Pooh video into a novel!

Although the leather-bound copy will eventually sell for $39.95, I’ve been given permission to reproduce the full text on my website before it goes to print. So, thank you once more to Mr. Marquez, and I hope everyone enjoys his work.

Chapter 1

Piglet delightedly played in the garden, trying to catch all of the butterflies he could. He wouldn’t keep them in captivity, of course. He merely wanted to admire their bright colors, and have that color be a part of his life. He felt happy, free while he enjoyed his remaining youth to its fullest.

While he pranced about, he could feel his tight red shirt pressing against his flesh. He was growing too old and large for his childhood clothes, but wearing them made him happy, for it reminded him of his younger days. When he wore those ever-tightening clothes to school, the older boys would give him looks — looks full of want and desire — but Piglet seldom noticed. He was too absorbed in his games of marbles, or hopscotch, or tag.

Just then, he turned around to see his friend Winnie the Pooh. He excitedly waved and called out to him: “Hello, P-P-Pooh!” He was so overjoyed that he did not even feel embarrassed about his stutter. He ran over to Pooh, ready to invite him to join in his game of butterfly catching.

“Piglet!” Pooh replied. He had known and liked Piglet for a long time, but still found himself fumbling with how best to word what he had to say next: “Uh… I… want to touch you.”

“Noooo!” Piglet called out, taken aback by the suddenness of Pooh’s admission. “Poooh! I’m ce-celibate,” he said in his defense. He was unsure if he had convinced Pooh, but he had at least quieted him for the time being. Piglet began to walk down the forest path with Pooh, simultaneously curious and nervous about where this conversation might lead.

“No you’re not!” Pooh finally retorted. There was not a hint of anger in his voice; it was as if he was merely assuring Piglet of something they had both known to be true all along.

“Poooh,” worried Piglet, his face getting flushed. “Just talking about sex is sc-c-c-cary.” He could feel himself getting scared even as he said it.

Pooh tried to reassure Piglet with his joviality and persistance. “Oh, llllet’s do it!” he energetically averred.

“B-b-but….” Piglet’s frown was growing with every moment.

“Come on, Piglet,” Pooh insisted. “I want to touch… your ass.” He padded Piglet on the shoulder as he spoke, attempting to get him used to the idea of being touched.

“Oh, eh-eh,” Piglet awkwardly stammered.

Pooh himself was getting nervous. Had he been too blunt? Better to dial it down a notch — “I-I-I mean ‘butt,’” he corrected himself. He could feel the sweat beading on his forehead at the thought of having blown his opportunity with Piglet. He finally looked at his friend to gauge his reaction.

Piglet was unresponsive.

Pooh began to doubt himself yet again. Perhaps “butt” was too vague? “I mean ‘shit,’” he asserted, to clarify that it was not the exterior of Piglet’s rear that he wanted to touch. But the triumph of his clarification quickly died down as he realized he had, yet again, been too blunt. Piglet never used words like that! Pooh had clearly offended his friend, and ruined any shot at scoring with him. He ran away in shame.

“B-b-b-but Pooh!” Piglet called after him. Where was his friend running to? Had he made Pooh upset somehow? How should Piglet respond? He had never been comfortable negotiating social situations such as these. “Oh!” he apostrophized, throwing his arms up in despair. “Shit!” he added. It was the first time Piglet had ever cursed before. It felt good. Piglet felt a subtle tingling sensation surge through him as he said it. Was it because of the curse, Piglet wondered… or because of Pooh?

He decided to find out.

They had reached an entirely different part of the forest before Piglet finally caught up with Pooh. They were by a tree stump, with a squirrel sitting atop it, who curiously peered at these two friends conversing.

Pooh was surprised at first to see Piglet had followed him, considering how badly Pooh had handled things earlier, but he quickly deduced the reason for it: Piglet had changed his mind. Piglet wanted Pooh after all. No sense in timidity now; Pooh became very direct. “Would you care to join me, Piglet?”

Piglet did indeed want to join Pooh, but was feeling very conflicted all of a sudden. Was he really about to lose his virginity? “I’m not very good at saying no,” Piglet fretted. In his nervousness, the words came out as a song. Piglet imagined music playing as he spoke. The squirrel sensed Piglet’s growing excitement, and began to feel very excited himself. He spastically convulsed.

Pooh too was sensing Piglet’s excitement. He couldn’t let on quite yet, however. “Honey…” he said empathically.

The display worked. Piglet decided at that moment he could trust his friend Pooh, and would let Pooh usher him in to this new world. “I’d feel safer inside you,” Piglet cooed.

Inside me? Pooh thought. That’s not what I had in mind. If anything, it will be the other way around! Of course, he had to play it cool. Rejecting Piglet’s proposal now could ruin everything. “Oh, okay, Piglet!” he said as if overjoyed at the idea. The two began walking to Pooh’s house. Pooh could feel himself growing and hardening with every step. “Come on, let’s hurry,” he added.

As they entered the house, Piglet looked timidly at Pooh’s bed. He had seen it a hundred times before, but it looked different this time. Larger, somehow. Frightening. Piglet was starting to have second thoughts, but as he saw the excitement on Pooh’s face, he knew he had to go through with it. No backing down now. But if only Pooh could help him through this unfamiliar process…. “Could you show me how?” Piglet asked. Again, the excitement started to return, and he imagined music as he spoke.

It was all Pooh needed to hear. “Here’s how!” he replied as he grabbed Piglet, pulled him away from the bed, slammed him against the living room window, and inserted every inch of his throbbing erection into Piglet’s tight, underage ass.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!” Piglet shouted in time with Pooh’s thrusts. So this was what sex was like! His years of wondering, answered! There was a pain at first, but it gradually subsided over time. Piglet closed his eyes and let the pleasure take over.

Chapter 2

“What a bunch of dickholes!” Tigger called out, each word dripping in resentment. He saw Pooh and Piglet going at it on the other side of Pooh’s window, and became very bitter at the display. It had been days since Tigger’s last lay, and he was growing very ornery indeed.

Eeyore could sense Tigger’s palpable frustration. “Looks like he’s gonna kill his mom and dad too!” Tigger was mad enough where he very well might, Eeyore reasoned. He had come very close once before.

Eeyore whipped his head back around to find Tigger glowering over him. Had he accidentally said that out loud? He must have — he could see the rage growing in Tigger’s eyes. “Fuck you, Eeyore!” Tigger shouted. But he could not confine his rage to Eeyore alone. He wheeled about, facing his other friend, Longears, and vented once more. “Fuck you, Longears!” But his rage only grew. He raced to Owl’s house, an old bitter enemy of his, and as soon as he opened the door, memories of all the times Owl had wronged him came surging back to Tigger’s mind. The birthday party… prom night… the summer road trip… Owl had ruined them all. “Fuck you, Owl!” Tigger howled, underscoring his point with a sharp jab to Owl’s back. He stormed out of the house to find his next victim.

Tigger raced back through the woods, still seething at every step. Nobody was to be found. “Fuck!” he howled in agony. “Fuck!” he repeated.

He raced around the woods more before eventually finding Pooh’s house again. He kicked the door open, intending to raise more holy hell. He thought, How dare Piglet give it to Pooh instead of me? But he didn’t see Pooh and Piglet still engaged mid-coitus, as he expected. By the sounds of things, Pooh was in the bathroom. And in a lot of pain. All Tigger saw in the living room was Piglet.

Piglet was apparently feeling very happy.

Piglet was performing jumping jacks.

Jumping jacks!

That mother fucker, Tigger thought. Pooh must have really put him in a good mood! “Fuck you, buddy” Tigger finally growled at his former friend Piglet before racing back out and slamming the door behind him in disgust.

He still wasn’t done, though. He bounced over to Roo, the selfsame kangaroo who had cockteased him so many times in the past. Roo was sitting in his wagon — the same wagon he promised to give his virginity to Tigger in. Six months ago. “Fuck my little palaroo Roo!” he announced, with a condescending pat on Roo’s head. He was so sick of everything. “Fuck all of you kids out there!” he added. “Fuck lots of people!” He was still steaming.

In fact, as he looked down at Roo, he realized that the only thing that could cheer him up right now would be to finally course his way through Roo’s tender insides. Roo had dodged all of Tigger’s advances in the past, though. Perhaps if he wouldn’t give it up voluntarily, Tigger could take it by force? “Well palaroo,” he ordered. “It’s time for me to take you home and fuck you.” Tigger’s voice was very stern.

“But I’m so little!” Roo pleaded. It was the same defense he had been using for six months. Surely Tigger wouldn’t fuck somebody so young, would he?

“Aw, no problemo! You’re never too small to fuck Tigger.” It was true: Tigger had fucked a lot younger and smaller boys before. “If you know what to do.”

Know what to do? Roo was beginning to panic. “I don’t know where to start!” he fretted.

“My dick,” Tigger said, not missing a beat.

“Okay, Tigger!” Roo announced, almost to his own surprise.

Tigger was surprised as well. Would it really be this easy? Or was Roo leading him on yet again?

“It’s always safer with a friend,” Roo added.

“Yep,” Tigger replied, “but… you still have to be careful.”

“Really?” worried Roo.

“Nooo, nooo, nopearoo!” Tigger insisted. “Uh uh! Don’t ever worry!”

Roo considered Tigger’s contrasting messages. What were they even talking about? STDs or something? He was confused by most of it, but he felt he could trust his older friend. “Okay, Tigger!” he finally decided.

Tigger knew at that moment what was bound to happen. He was finally going to get a piece of Roo. He could not contain his excitement! He began calling directions to his inexperienced friend: “Then scream! And kick! And bite! And fuck with all your might!” Tigger knew what he liked.

“Okay, Tigger!” Roo repeated. This was all starting to sound very exhilarating.

But before Roo could say another word, Tigger had already thrust himself inside, going at it as fast as his hips would let him. A wild look overtook Tigger’s eyes, as if he were possessed.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” Roo cried in time with Tigger’s thrusts. What had he gotten himself into? Tigger was just so large! Roo could barely take it!

But he didn’t have to for very much longer. Tigger exploded a thick wall of cum, coating every bit of Roo’s anal lining. Six months of yearning, finally consummated. He slowly and carefully pulled himself out, wincing as his head worked past the muscles of Roo’s opening.

Chapter 3

Tigger slowly regained his senses to see that Eeyore had been watching the two of them for what must have been a while. He slowly worked through his dizziness as Eeyore spoke:

“I hope I’m not… interruptin’… somethin’ important.” Eeyore had such a wry sense of humor.

“This is important!” Tigger adamantly declared. But to his own surprise, he found himself smiling all of a sudden. “But…” he began. He got an idea. “…you can help, Eeyore.” His smile was growing even wider as he noticed the puzzled anticipation on Eeyore’s face. “You can suck my dick, bitch!” he cackled with glee. Would he actually get to cum twice in one day? This would be the best day since Tuesday!

Eeyore seemed less surprised by the request than Tigger was expecting. “Hmmm,” he considered. “Well…” he mulled. And then, his answer: “I love yummy dicks!” He began licking his lips in anticipation of what was to come. Tigger’s was one of the yummiest Eeyore had ever tasted. Certainly in the top ten, anyway.

Just then, a clarion voice descended from the skies: “Watch out, Eeyore; it might be a trick!”

A trick?? A voice?? Who was this?? Eeyore was becoming very worried at what seemed to be a change in fortune. “Shit!” he exclaimed, fearing for his life.

Tigger wasn’t worried at all, however. He recognized that voice at once. “It sure sounded like my old pal Longears!” Although he had hated Longears as recently as that morning, the bout of lovemaking with Roo had cheered him up considerably.

Dinnnggg! A bell rang out as Longears used his dark, satanic magic to teleport into place. “Touch me, Tigger!” he yelled down from a tree.

Bludabuh! Dinnnggg! More noises burst out as Longears teleported again. His evil powers were many in number. He recalled the time he had used a level nine fireball to melt the flesh off Kanga’s bones. Roo had been an orphan ever since. But he wasn’t here to recite memories: he was here on a mission. “I want to give you some dick,” he hypnotically suggested to Tigger. He cast a level thirteen mind control spell as he spoke.

Tigger felt himself growing weaker. He silently turned to his side and waved his hand dismissively at Longear’s words. Must fight it… he thought. Must fuck… Eeyore… not Longears….

“Don’t say no!” Longears bellowed, his words drilling straight into Tigger’s mind. “Don’t ever say no!” Each syllable was like a jackhammer, reverberating through Tigger’s very core.

Tigger recalled the resistance he had shown earlier to Roo: “Nooo, nooo, nopearoo!” He had been so fiery then, so full of energy. If only he could summon some of that same resistance now….

Longears looked down at Tigger, squirming in agony, putting in so much effort towards simply trying to speak, but failing miserably. It would never work. The mind control spell was impenetrable. “Fuck you, Tigger,” he hissed, using Tigger’s words from this morning against him.

Dinnnggg! rang the bell again, this time accompanying Longears’ teleportation directly inside Tigger. And at that same moment, Longears released Tigger from the mind control spell! Tigger became accutely aware of the situation he was in, with his fullest energy returning, and he exterted all of his might into squirming free. Alas, it simply wasn’t enough. Longears’ physical might was too great. He continued pounding away until he exploded, coating Tigger’s insides that same way Tigger had done to Roo only moments ago. Perhaps this will teach you some empathy, mused Longears, as he wiped his now-slimy dick on Tigger’s fur and stalked back home to his coven.

Chapter 4

Owl awoke in a fright, as if from a long nightmare. “Hwah!” he said. “Hwah? Hwah.”

He painfully sat up in his rocking chair, his rheumatism fighting him at every step. He was really getting old. So old that even sitting still had become difficult. It was all very depressing.

He recalled his younger days, when he was full of lusty strength. He had sodomized young Longears so many times back then, back when Longears was too little to fight back. He had thought they were making love, but Longears eventually left him. Owl had felt betrayed ever since, and missed Longears with every day that passed.

“Rabbit shouldn’t have sex with Tigger,” Owl insisted with a certainty that only fifteen years’ heartache could bring. “After all,” he added, “my motto is….” He trailed off. What was his motto? He painfully stood up from his chair and ambled across the room, giving himself time to think.

He finally reached a framed picture on the wall. A picture rabbit had drawn for him before breaking his heart. He finished his sentence: “Rabbit sucks dicks.”

Chapter 5

The end of the day was approaching, and Pooh and Piglet had returned to their place by the window. The place they now affectionately referred to as “our place.” As Pooh prepared to insert himself again, he said to his friend, no, his lover, “I certainly learned a lot!” And he had. He really had.

Then, as if compelled to unison by an unseen, otherworldly force, the animals all joined in spelling the one word which linked all of their separate threads together:

“F!” shouted Tigger, thinking wistfully about Roo, and then bitterly about Longears.

“U!” shouted Pooh, already nestling Piglet’s warm body in his arms.

“C!” shouted Owl, thinking about Longears with an even greater bitterness than Tigger felt.

Should I join in? wondered Eeyore. Alas, he could not; his mouth was too busy fellating Christopher Robin to speak.

Pooh glanced at Eeyore impatiently. This could take him a while! I had better just finish it myself. “K!” Pooh shouted, and then vigorously nodded as he came in Piglet’s colon for the second time that day.

It wouldn’t be the last time.