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Sonic the Hedgehog
This article is filed under Characters.Sonic is the mascot for SEGA : an exceptionally BAD gaming corporation. He hasn't eaten a single decent sword since 10 A.D. Despite this all too true fact, SuperYoshi has stated on various occasions that Sonic is his favorite actor to work with. Sonic is also a lot cooler and eats less swords than those pussies Shadow and Silver. I hate them so much.
Biography
Sonic the Hedgehog (aka Sonico, Mr. Needlemouse, Cinos, Hedgehog and other names) was born and raised in West Philadelphia until a couple of badniks, who were up to no good, started making trouble in Green Hill. He got in one little fight and Amy got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Scrap Brain." He whistled for a cab and when it came near, he gave it the middle finger. If anything, he could have said that this cab was Tails, so he went "THAT'S NO GOOD." He pulled up to Metropolis Zone at approximately 7 or 8 to claim his throne as the prince of the video game industry. Also throughout his entire career, Sonic has been in the porn industy..Yep...Look it up anywhere I ain't lyin...
Crimes
Is believed to have assassinated John Lennon. What a fag. He has also been caught drawing pornographic graffiti on the walls of Nintendo's HQ.
Quotes
- EXACTLY!
- LET'S SHIT!
- Your smile MUST DIE!
- You won't find Adobe here in Nairobi!
- That's good.
- GET READY TO CHEW MY BALLS
- You're too slow!
- COM'ON STEP IT UP FUCKERS!
- Sex. Now outta my way!
- URRNGH! I'm MasturBAAAAAAATIIIIIIING!!!
- Estoy Esperando
People who like him
- Lots of people, except Neji and Chad Warden.
Likes
- Freedom
- Chili Dawgs
- Tails
- Himself
- Relaxing
- You
- Knuckles
- Being a DJ
- Lots of people (EXCEPT Amy Rose and Robotnik)
- Masturbating
- Tormenting Robotnik
- Splooging on Robotnik's face
- Seeing Amy Rose die
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Hates
People who hate him
Sonic believes he is cool and popular, but there are actually quite a bit of people who have expressed disdain for him. Among those who have said they "hate that hedgehog":
- Robotnik
- Deedee from Dexter's Laboratory
- Launchpad McQuack
- Shredder
- The Brain
- Nigel Uno
- Blightcopy
- Grouchy Smurf
- Ozu
- Mr. Grumpy (duh!)
- Mr. Clean
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz
- Scott
- Shadow (In a rival hate way)
- Roxas
- Peewee Herman
Trivia
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- He loves tumble dryers (see video at right).
- Has a giant ego.
- He is a pyromaniac.(BURN BABY BURN,BURN TO THE GROUND!!!)
- Believes that there's fire were there's smoke.
- He's trapped in there.
- He had a reputation of helping kids learn things about life in a short segment called Sonic Sez, although after an absurd confession to Tails (see above) he lost it and decided to instead teach people about how sex and drugs are cool. Sonic Sez is now the most viewed show in the world, topping all of the existing charts, and being downloaded by millions every minute.
- He is a pervert. (yet again, see the other video)
- Has the power to go Super with the help of Super AIDS, he is only one of three which can avoid getting killed by it(But using it too much can kill him).
- He had an car accident in 1992 and his vocal chords had to be replaced. Without anything else, the doctors gave the vocal chords of a local black kid to him.
- Has a brother called Awesome Possum.
- He can play guitar. If you're lucky he'll show you his Eddie Van Hedgehog impression.
- He was actually quite cool until 1998 when he got redesigned by Yuji Uekawa (look it up) and now looks like a retard.
- He has a partnership with Tex Avery.
- He Raped Tails
- Did he put a tube in his mouth ?mao?
- Spends All day in his house then he went for a 'drink' which turned to 5 and then 10 now he's drunk and he won't be able to play Sonic Unleashed properly
- He once called a male drug abusing rabbit a dyke.
- If he masturbates too much he turns into his Werehog form, as seen in Sonic Unleashed. This form is filled with primal fury and an excess of guilt.
