Squidward Tentacles

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Squidward loves being all alooooooooone.

Overview

Squidward is a six-armed octopus who lives under the sea with his neighbors, Spongebob, Patrick, and Sidney Crosby. He has worked the full-time register at the Krusty Krab for over twenty thousand years, despite hating everyone around him, and secretly grows marijuana in his basement. He also sports a variety of musical instruments, but prefers to excerise his sexual tendencies with them as opposed to actually play them.

Squidward is also a chronic diabetic, and a carrier of the Avian Flu. He was once a harborer of over fifteen STDs but survived by cutting his genitals off.

Squidward had also attained (forced) meme status at the YouChewPoop forums under the name Skidward from an old thread of the same name started by MrGenericMan.

History

Squidward was born on July 31st, 1931 to siamese parents. From an early age, he showed a heavy interest in music and substance abuse. He spent days at a time dabbling in both of these hobbies, and created his first symphony at the age of six. Short on money, his parents often loaned him out to band directors and hairy fetishists.

In 1941, he father listed in the war and inevitably took his mother with him, and they both died in the Dresden Bombing. The then-orphaned Squidward set out on his own to see the world. Much to his chagrin, however, his parents wished to have themselves buried with all their money, and Squidward was left without a cent to his name. Consequently, he never left Bikini Bottom. n an attempt to get by, Squidward pawned off all of his possessions, liquidated his shares of uctions, and actually boarded with Nigel Thornberry for several years. Nigel was, at the time, filming an undersea expedition. Things went well for awhile, but starting getting patchy when Nigel began to harvest Squidward's internal organs while he slept.

In 1982, Squidward was hired off the street by Mr. Krabs, and became the first and only cashier of the then-fledgling Krusty Krab restaurant. The money began to roll in, and he was finally able to buy a home and concentrate on his sexual fetishes, as well as his clarinet, which to this day he is absolutely terrible at playing. He now lives in an Easter Island head, and still works at the Krusty Krab, despite never getting a single raise in the twenty-odd years he's worked there.

Quotes

• "Thank you, thank you."
• "GET OUT OF MY GOD-DAMN HOUSE!!"
• "I've finally found a place where I can be all.... aloooooooone."
• "Does this look unsure to you?
• "What do I have to do, eat one out of the garbage?"
• "I just had to say garbage."
• "IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY."
• "Eh-ha, eh-ha, eh-ha."
• "After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge Charles Wheeler and his partners' unethical, moral, and inhuman terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law."
• "I'm a pretty girl."