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Captain Rescue

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

Captain Rescue is a retired superhero from Mobius.

Captain Rescue having an awful idea.


We don't know his birth place or date, but we do know that his first job was as a prostitute.

The Hero Years[edit]

His career of superhero started when he saved a cat from a TREE. Then, he started to save all the characters on the planet Mobius, until the arrival of Dr. Robotnik.

Later, he saved the Hill Top Village from Dr. Robotnik.


Captain Rescue loved that little, furry, two-tailed fox named Tails, until he found-out that Tails was in love with Sonic. After finding this out, Captain Rescue raped Tails, and then tried to rape Sonic. However, he was unable to rape Sonic, because he is too fast.


  • A Rescue Rocket
  • The Red Rocket
  • A Boomerang
  • A Slim Pack of Doublemint Gum
  • Overcooked Shoes
  • Viagra
  • A Machine to drain drugs
  • Junk


  • I'm Captain Rescue.
  • Oldtimer? OLDTIMER?! I was saving Mobius from niggers bad guys when you were still a hedgehoglet!
  • You know me?
  • I'm not old.
  • It's all just j-j-j-j-j-jjjjjj ju-ju-j-ju-ju-ju jjjj nk now jj-ju-ju-j
  • Taste my boomerang!
  • Captain Rescue to the Doublemint Rescue!
  • Actually, I use that to drain my drugs.
  • No.
  • Surrender! Surrender! Surrender!
  • Forget your stupid doll!
  • How'd you find me?