Notice: We are aware that many of the Chewiki’s images are still broken. We promise: we will try our best to fix it, but we don't guarantee that the fix will be trivial.

Difference between revisions of "Ronald Reagan"

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
m (Reverted edits by Yoshit (talk) to last revision by MountainDewMaNN)
Tag: Rollback
(Undo revision 142098 by Probo (Talk))
Tag: Undo
Line 9: Line 9:
 
}}
 
}}
  
'''Ronald Wilson Reagan''' (February 6, 1911 - June 5, 2004) was our 40th [[United States]] President, and the root of America turning into a shining mountain of shit who nevertheless gets portrayed by Republicans as "a man of strong morals".
+
'''Ronald Wilson Reagan''' (February 6, 1911 - June 5, 2004) was our 40th [[United States]] President.
  
 
==Beginning Careers==
 
==Beginning Careers==
  
Prior to entering politics, Reagan was a mediocre, B-list actor whose biggest role was acting with a [[Diddy Kong|monkey]]. But even if you're a mediocre actor, Hollywood still trains you to be extremely likable and charismatic, no matter how fundamentally repulsive you are. Reagan exemplified this as he went to politics, as he espoused repugnant ideology in a humorous, appealing manner.
+
Not only was Reagan a strong speaker, but he was also a truly multi-faceted person. Born and raised in Tampico, [[Illinois]], he started out serving in the army from 1937-1945. He then drifted around the media industry, serving as a Hollywood film actor, then a television and [[Stuart K. Reilly|news reporter]]. From 1967-1975, he served as the 33rd Governor of California. By the end of the decade, America's economic prosperity had been at a hiatus, and the low rankings of then-current President Jimmy Carter had taken their toll on the political system.
  
 
==Presidency==
 
==Presidency==
  
Reagan was eventually sworn into office and inaugurated in 1981. The "Gipper," as he was unofficially called, dozed off immediately as all of his corrupt aides did the work for him. In the years that followed, Reagan not only dealt with issues such as how to give rich people more money and how to completely ignore the health crisis that plagued the gay community, but also faced the "evil empire" of the [[Soviet Union]].
+
Reagan was eventually sworn into office and inaugurated in 1981. The "Gipper," as he was unofficially called, set to work immediately. In the years that followed, Reagan not only dealt with the mainstream issues that plagued American citizens, but he also was faced with the task of bringing down the dreaded [[Soviet Union]], which he referred to as an "evil empire."
  
 
{{Vid|f6D_8A8ezOk}}
 
{{Vid|f6D_8A8ezOk}}
  
In Reagan's second term, the Cold War was heating up more than ever, with Soviet expansion placing threats on neighboring countries. Through constant determination and stubborn attitude, Reagan challenged new Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down his pants.
+
In the election of 198[[4]], Reagan's presidency got a new lease in life. The Cold War was heating up more than ever, with Soviet expansion placing threats on neighboring countries. Through constant determination and stubborn attitude, Reagan challenged the Soviets to open to more freedom and promote democracy.
  
 
{{VidCaption|5MDFX-dNtsM|Reagan speaks at Brandenburg Gate, June 12, 1987.}}
 
{{VidCaption|5MDFX-dNtsM|Reagan speaks at Brandenburg Gate, June 12, 1987.}}
 +
 +
Within years, the formidable Soviet empire ceased to exist. As the decade came to a close, the elderly President made it clear that Alzheimer's had gotten the better of him. He would not be serving a third term. Vice President George H.W. [[George W. Bush|Bush]] would take his place in 1989.
  
 
{{Vid|NXrI7cGxE40}}
 
{{Vid|NXrI7cGxE40}}
Line 29: Line 31:
 
==Death and Legacy==
 
==Death and Legacy==
  
Reagan had Alzheimer's in his later years, seeing his already minimal brainpower diminish even further. He did the first good thing in his life by [[die|dying]] on June 5, 2004, at his residence in the [[The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air|Bel Air]] neighborhood in Los Angeles.
+
The man himself passed away on June 5, 2004, at his residence in the [[The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air|Bel Air]] neighborhood in Los Angeles. Reagan was the oldest President sworn into office (aged 69) and the longest living President in general (aged 93). <s>He is currently survived by his wife Nancy</s> (She's dead too), and his five children. The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Foundation in Simi Valley often exhibits his contributions and personal life.
 
 
Reagan's legacy is setting the framework for America to become a capitalistic hellhole dominated by the rich, with his kindly public image normalizing such policies, convincing countless people that said policies actually help the country. He likewise normalized all kinds of bigotries in the name of "law and order" and "religious freedom". The way he built this cult paved the way for [[Donald Trump]], who makes no attempt to appear likable and is upfront in his bigotry - but because Reagan already persuaded these people, Trump doesn't need to be subtle.
 
 
 
Republicans continue to see Reagan as a deity, among them former Arkansas governor and current bigot Mike Huckabee. Huckabee would create a ''Learn Our History'' series of educational videos that would spoonfeed children how much of a saint Reagan was with laughably bad dialogue and CGI. These videos would lead to the second good thing Reagan did, years after his death, in serving as the inspiration for [[Whelt]]'s [[YouTube Poop]] Ronald Reagan votes for the Communist Party (seen to the right). This iteration of him became featured on [[Youchew Trading Cards|Youchew Trading Card]] #40.
 
  
 
==Quotes==
 
==Quotes==
Line 57: Line 55:
 
*His favourite candy was Jelly Belly jellybeans. At every White House metting, he would even have a bowl of then set out.
 
*His favourite candy was Jelly Belly jellybeans. At every White House metting, he would even have a bowl of then set out.
 
**His favourite flavour of jellybean was liquorice.
 
**His favourite flavour of jellybean was liquorice.
*Was once kidnapped by [[:Category:Ninjas|Ninjas]]. However, he was rescued from said ninjas by two [[bad]] [[enough]] dudes to rescue him.
+
*Was once kidnapped by [[:Category:Ninjas|Ninjas]]. However, he was rescued from said ninjas by 2 [[bad]] [[enough]] dudes to rescue him.
 
**After returning to the White House, he took said dudes out for a [[Cheeseburger|burger]].
 
**After returning to the White House, he took said dudes out for a [[Cheeseburger|burger]].
 
*He once voted for the [[Communists|Communist]] party.
 
*He once voted for the [[Communists|Communist]] party.
 
*Ronald has stated that he utterly rejects [[God]].
 
*Ronald has stated that he utterly rejects [[God]].
*[[The Boondocks|Huey Freeman]] thinks that Ronald Reagan was [[Satan|the Devil]]. He's not wrong.
+
*[[The Boondocks|Huey Freeman]] thinks that Ronald Reagan was [[Satan|the Devil]]. Well, with a quote like that above, who could blame him?
 +
*A nuclear-powered [[Ship|aircraft carrier]] was named in his honour in the Noughties. The carrier in question is the USS Ronald Reagan, CVN-76.
 
[[Category:Actors]]
 
[[Category:Actors]]
 
[[Category:American Presidents]]
 
[[Category:American Presidents]]

Revision as of 07:14, 19 November 2019

CharNice.jpg This article is filed under Characters.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Name: Ronald Reagan
Sex: Male
Age: 93 (At death)
Nationality: American
Occupation(s): 40th President Of The United States (1981-1989), 33rd Governor of California (1967-1975), reporter, actor

Ronald Wilson Reagan (February 6, 1911 - June 5, 2004) was our 40th United States President.

Beginning Careers

Not only was Reagan a strong speaker, but he was also a truly multi-faceted person. Born and raised in Tampico, Illinois, he started out serving in the army from 1937-1945. He then drifted around the media industry, serving as a Hollywood film actor, then a television and news reporter. From 1967-1975, he served as the 33rd Governor of California. By the end of the decade, America's economic prosperity had been at a hiatus, and the low rankings of then-current President Jimmy Carter had taken their toll on the political system.

Presidency

Reagan was eventually sworn into office and inaugurated in 1981. The "Gipper," as he was unofficially called, set to work immediately. In the years that followed, Reagan not only dealt with the mainstream issues that plagued American citizens, but he also was faced with the task of bringing down the dreaded Soviet Union, which he referred to as an "evil empire."

{{#ev:youtube|f6D_8A8ezOk|320}}

In the election of 1984, Reagan's presidency got a new lease in life. The Cold War was heating up more than ever, with Soviet expansion placing threats on neighboring countries. Through constant determination and stubborn attitude, Reagan challenged the Soviets to open to more freedom and promote democracy.

{{#ev:youtube|5MDFX-dNtsM|320}}Reagan speaks at Brandenburg Gate, June 12, 1987.

Within years, the formidable Soviet empire ceased to exist. As the decade came to a close, the elderly President made it clear that Alzheimer's had gotten the better of him. He would not be serving a third term. Vice President George H.W. Bush would take his place in 1989.

{{#ev:youtube|NXrI7cGxE40|320}}

Death and Legacy

The man himself passed away on June 5, 2004, at his residence in the Bel Air neighborhood in Los Angeles. Reagan was the oldest President sworn into office (aged 69) and the longest living President in general (aged 93). He is currently survived by his wife Nancy (She's dead too), and his five children. The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Foundation in Simi Valley often exhibits his contributions and personal life.

Quotes

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down my pants!

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

People don't start wars, governments do.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Facts are stupid things.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Hey dudes. Thanks for rescuing me. Now let's go for a burger. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

My fellow citizens, I utterly reject God.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

If we ever forget that we are one nation under money, then we will be one nation under ZE NAZI PARTY!!!

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

If we ever forget that we are one nation, then we will be two nations.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

A recession is when your neighbor loses your money. A depression is when you lose your neighbors' money. A recovery is when you give me your money!

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

God had a plan for America. I see it as a shining mountain of shit.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Marinara on a mountain of shit.

Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan

Welcome to the Cafe '80s, where it's always morning in America, even in the after-no-oo-oo-oo-n!

Trivia

  • His favourite candy was Jelly Belly jellybeans. At every White House metting, he would even have a bowl of then set out.
    • His favourite flavour of jellybean was liquorice.
  • Was once kidnapped by Ninjas. However, he was rescued from said ninjas by 2 bad enough dudes to rescue him.
    • After returning to the White House, he took said dudes out for a burger.
  • He once voted for the Communist party.
  • Ronald has stated that he utterly rejects God.
  • Huey Freeman thinks that Ronald Reagan was the Devil. Well, with a quote like that above, who could blame him?
  • A nuclear-powered aircraft carrier was named in his honour in the Noughties. The carrier in question is the USS Ronald Reagan, CVN-76.